I wondered first as a child

I next wondered when I came to my youth

I wondered further in my middle-age

life was with me but it didn't often soothe



and now in my dying days

I wonder why I should have wondered

should have left behind the rude lacuna--

much of life borders upon the absurd

The doctor knows his medicine

but the heart he can't heal

life is hardly about reason

infinitely more about how to feel.

I am not out (truthfully)

for the trophy

that would indeed be

a ****** part of me

Do not seek in me

your image of what I am

I have flaws too many

for me to deny would be a sham-



come then, if me you can accept

come of your own free will, I should not implore

such that we would neither have cause to regret

and will cherish our affection more, much, much more

Do you remember
do you remember
that autumn day
when we first met
faraway by the gentle lake?

still was the water
silent were the trees
to me was your whisper:
I'll not forget
today's tender splendour
stay, oh stay
it's not sunset yet...

Now all alone
the lake is a reminder
of the day you've chosen
not to remember

yet I look
at the silent water
and your face
still does appear---

I'll walk away
and learn
not to remember

I go to a quiet and secluded corner every day-
I need the calm space to renew myself:

I walk out of myself.
I forget time.
I dream and imagine.
I think I'm with the clouds.
I hear the rustling leaves.
I feel the breezes drifting by.
I am still.
I want to be empty.

In the silent peace
my weariness fades away.

This is my 'prayer'
my blissful hour
where I truly belong.

The cul-de-sac indeed taught me

much more than the wide-open thoroughfare

I'm infinitely grateful for the experience

that I acquired when I was there

Night is loathed to speak

secrets it has too many

it will share with none

Some say life has meaning

others say there's none

I hardly know anything

I will just do what gives me fun

At the last droplets of time

I would still try to smile

a passer-by, a sojourner

who has stayed for just a while.



At the last droplets of time

to me the past would whisper:

we met once before

after this, never again--never.



At the last droplets of time

beauty, love, joy, sorrow would bid me good-bye

but tears I would not shed nor my life regret

at the hour of sweet surrender It's a good time to die.



At the last droplets of time

from the distant hill a song shall drift to me

soft, gentle, rapturous, tender- my heart shall rest

peacefully and I'll readily embrace the great mystery.

O world, o world,
O world so sad*
yet I will partake
of your sorrow
wherever I am
wherever I go
on my very skin
and soul
you hold to
and grow-

when my life's over
I will come to know
life is an illusion
a mere shadow
presaging
a path I must follow
leading to the Grand Unknown
the end of every suffering
and sorrow-

the mystery
will then be lifted
light will show

I will be there-
I am sure

So often

all the light outside

is blotted out

by the heart's darkness inside

........but even courage wavers

love is sometimes fearful of its own shadows

        the heart lives in doubt of its purity

this is the very tragedy of humanity

Before you can become

     you'd need to embrace

     and live within the Calm-



    reason has no answer

    the heart tends to wander

    without the Stillness, you'd falter-



    the self and desires must die

    nothingness is the door to bliss

    we are each but a shadow that passes by

We are diminished never

by our any mistake

each does abundantly deliver

a valuable lesson for our take

The past   etched in time's memory

engraved in my mind-scape  

     faces     places

colours.   sounds    smells.   moments



undercurrents of emotions

of feelings

of images

glimpses of joy  

    of sorrow

of laughter

of tears

of love

of tenderness

of resolutions

of doubts

of regrets

of remorse

of loneliness

of what had been

  or could have been

everything had evaporated like dreams



but all seems so dim now     neural debris  

weakening dendrites

the past is but shadows.      an illusion

  a shadow-play  



the essence was then --

most memories have vanished or faded

at the present hour

the past      what are its uses  ?

what are its abuses ?



time measures all          swallows all  



it takes no sides         neither as a friend or foe



the past  I was  

the present I am

the future I don't know

...but don't chide me

   for choosing to be alone

   amidst life's cacophony

   I risk losing my own-



  none shall rob my liberty

  in solitude, seeds of joy I've sown

  closer to understanding life's mystery

  all my doubts and sorrows are gone

I will join you

in laughter

the sky is blue

beautiful is the weather-



lend me your hand

we will walk together

through life's smiling land

in love, joy and wonder

My shut-up hours

2 to 4 pm

sitting in my garden

being just what I am

Life is neither 'no' or 'yes'
most parts are just jest

Life is story-telling

but our good parts we exaggerate

oblivious to our bad

fiction we cleverly create

Death can wait

life is beckoning

I must celebrate

For several thousand miles
we have travelled together
in the finest and roughest of days
we never doubted each other--

but now you have changed you mind
and a new path you want me to follow
that's not what my heart will consent to
we must part, much to our sorrow

Don't break

create instead

Trust, by all means

but wisely--

many lives have been ruined

by trusting implicitly

A dream within a dream, beyond the fondest dream

setting sun sheds its fading light on the silent stream

a gentle mist hovers over the silent trees

how calmly drifts the evening breeze



for my love my heart is waiting

my dream she will soon be fulfilling

What is false?

what is true?

what law, what clause?

is someone misleading me and you?

Dear Jeff,

I am a Zen person---I force nothing on myself---
it's the opposite, I aim at being empty---
in that emptiness, I am set free-
what is and what I am merge in oneness--
the doubts disperse and clarity, calmness and joy flood my heart.

In such a moment,  I become the 'richest' person in the world

I can't understand

every single part of me

I'm happy

to allow them just to be

My heart is forest

it hides deepest mystery

am I in a dream

Life, first, the engagement

at the end, the dislodgement

Not wanting

is the one-thing

of my heart's desiring

If me you by chance

at some corner of earth should find

just think of me as someone like you

what I am you need not try to define

Life is general

   the particular is self

Life is never another land

it's at the palm of your hand

Haiku is impressionistic music in words

If redemption

I were to seek

it's from my own within

not from other voices that speak

Life is not a bird

for you to capture

let your heart fly along

join it in  freedom and rapture

I didn't bring you any present

but would never think of being absent

Let every moment

every encounter

be a silent prayer

I love so I might live
without love, life would be endless grief
it's what I was born for---not an 'if'
love, love, love--that's what I must give

It was because I wept
that I found the beauty of a smile

Let me grow

gently, quietly,

humbly, lovingly,

selflessly,  compassionately

Nothing said by others

should be taken too seriously

let me say here candidly:

this applies principally to me

My words are naked enough

my self I can't bare beyond that

For the wasteful hours spent on gossiping and rumour-mongering
one's life would be so much more enriched by quiet and purposeful reading

Too many lives

are led in vying

leaving no room

for living

If I were ever to think

life is for the taking

I would have learnt--

nothing

I fail to understand why some people believe the past is a ghost or ugliness to  be set aside.  It has an unparallled beauty , charm, romance and sanctity entirely of its own and will never be replicated.

I think of the love of my parents and siblings, the innocence of my childhood days, my first waking to love, the comfort of friends
and my early exposure to music, poetry and the other arts
which have made my life so cheerful , meaningful and worthwhile.

And looking back I am so full of gratitude for what I had and such thoughts will give me the strength and inspiration to live through my darkest hours

Life as is gratuitously  bestowed on me

      I will ever cherish but never blemish her beauty