Keep it deeply
in your heart
don't be too eager
to show your trump-card

You'd know me better
from what I've not done
which is not evident
to anyone

The best life is lived
   it's not meant to be interpreted
    analysed or understood
   lest it were to occasion grief

The heart that's broken
can be mended
but it won't be the same
and can't be perfected-

true love is sacred
it knows no uneven edge
to blemish it is a grievous mistake
making it work again has no cause to celebrate

Dear Irene

This is my third year at the monastery. Excuse me for being tardy in writing--I hardly have any spare time.  Monastic life calls for the utmost discipline as we monks live communally-- prayers, tending to the the garden which provides us with some of the food we need,  listening to the instruction of the elders,  helping to keep the monastery and its compounds clean,  talking to  and advising parishers, visiting the sick, doing charity rounds, educating the novices,  working in the kitchen and cleaning up, praying at vespers and retiring sharping at 9 pm, waking at 5 a.m. the next day.

It was very hard for me to get used to this routine during my first six months here, but with patience, encouragement of the elders and divine grace,  I was able to settle in quite well---it's no longer regimentation but living a life of devotion, obedience sacrifice and selflessness.

You asked me once whether I was happy as I had given up the world. I can honestly say that I have found peace, contentment and joy in my priesthood.  I didn't come here to run away from life but to understand myself and to seek meaning and purpose.  In this state of grace,  I have been able to discard all that which reduces my humanity and  discover that I have drawn closer for the first time to loving my fellow-beings. It is as though I have lost myself in being at one with others and life at large ,  as well as the universe.  It is hard for people who live in the outside world to understand the transcendental dimension of a spiritual life.  Yes, we monks have to die to find the way to live---in giving up our ego liberates us from earthly attachments-- the spirit is infinitely more important than the body.  

Everything of the earthly life perishes---knowledge, wisdom success, fame, wealth, status, influence, even  beauty, love, kinship and friendship.  But the religious life transcends all these as we are lifted to a higher dimension beyond comprehension.

We have loved each other once and my decision to become a monk I know has broken your heart.  I do ask for your forgiveness and will pray that love will somehow come your way.  You must think of yourself and your future happiness and try to erase me from your memory.  You will always have a sacred place in my heart though I cannot share my life with you.

Yours truly

John  

Life outside

Life always looks better
    with laughter and humour
    reason stands in the way of such
    it's too stern and breaks asunder-

    every day there's room
   for gaiety and lightheartedness
   why knock on the door of philosophy
   and court doubt and restlessness?

A little knowledge
is a wonderful thing:
the individual
of pride doesn't think-

eager to learn
open to teaching
bent on listening
never dissenting

never fear of asking
not inclined to arguing
humble in following
not voluble in speaking

fervent in studying
desirous of growing
patiently waiting
for the day of becoming