A long while ago, I thought I would do great things
Be a person of significance
Able to change the world
Invincible

Funny how Life humbled me with her sisters
As Circumstance is a partner to be danced with,
Murphy, my shadow, stalking my every move
And Failure, though not fatal, left me bruised and scarred

I now see myself without rose-colored glasses
Perfectly imperfect
A puppet, bending over backwards, allowing myself to be manipulated by my three companions
Feigning indifference to every heartache I've felt

Invincible me was shattered...
That's the thing with destroying something,
You can't piece it back perfectly
No matter how much you will it

My reflection taunts me each day
An imitation of how I wanted me to be
I'm just as confused, just as scared, just as insane as the next person
Just one in billions of souls trying to soldier on

And soldier on... And soldier on...
Wishing and hoping and praying
That I become stronger, braver, better
I'm not done yet, I'm not done for

Not perfect, but not hopeless either.

It is the secret fear of being unlovable that isolates me
Of not finding it
Of not recognizing it
Of not being deserving of it
Of not being capable of it

It paralyzes me at that precise point between sleep and wakefulness
Digging its talons into me
Keeping me captive at that area where dreams dissolve into nightmares
Whispering its rabid venom
Consuming me, driving me to near madness

I cannot recall at what point I actually awaken
It's realism disorients me
The fear stays with me, just beneath my skin
Wanting, waiting...always just waiting
My lover... My monster

Living is easy with eyes tightly shut
A suit of armor all around
Walls built ten feet high
Where no one can touch me, hurt me, destroy me

It's hard to remember the people we used to be
You once told me that I'm beautiful
But in every silver lining, there is a cloud
I'm not perfect, I'm hardly worth it

Now you tell me I'm a victim
Salvation is just within my reach
All I have to do is try harder
It isn't working, it isn't working...

Turn around and walk away
Don't look back, don't go astray
There's nothing left here that you want to see
The things I've done are far too ugly

You push me, You make me nervous
The sound of your voice makes it harder for me to breathe
Go easy, don't rush me
Do I deserve any of this at all?

I can't fight this anymore
The darkness is creeping in
Just hold me and keep me calm
Just stay with me a little while longer

I can't fight you anymore
I'll take what I can get
Even if you fake this
Even if you hurt me in the end
I'll take what I can get...

Unable to rest, tossing and turning
It's past midnight and it's raining
Troubled mind filled with thoughts of you
And of a love that I once knew

I remember it like it was yesterday
I said I needed a break, just for a while
I walked away without you knowing why
When I said "break" I really meant goodbye

I am haunted by the things left unsaid
You were the one, my only
The timing wasn't right, you see
The person that I was wasn't ready for you

I've made my decision then, I've made my bed
My heart is in turmoil for the choice I've made
I won't fall apart, I can't fall apart
(Oh, God!)
You've destroyed me...

I tried to stay away but I cannot forget
I love you...so much, and more
I never got over it, I cannot get over it
I don't have the strength to resist you anymore

I'd leave all this just to get you back
But I'm stuck, reliving it over and over again
Hoping you could hear me
Hoping you'd give me another chance
Hoping that when the daylight comes
It'll lead me back into your arms
Where you make every pain I went through
Worth it, just to be with you

I like your wit, your charm
I like the way you think
I like our conversations, our banter
I like our like-mindedness...
It's the perfect base for a friendship
You had me appreciating each and every moment together
And I kept coming back for more

Our lives couldn't have been more different
Our worlds couldn't have been more apart
But something in you resonated with me
You listened to the words I said... especially the ones I didn't
You understood, without having to be told
You made me feel like I wasn't alone
That deep down we were the same

Through my pain, through the ache
You were my one constant
You made me believe that I was worthy
That I was so much more
You showed me that I can be strong
That the future doesn't have to be so bleak
You gave me faith... You gave me hope

Your words speak to me
They reverberate with something deep inside me
It goes beyond the superficial layer
Touching a part of me I didn't know existed
I pushed you away at first, too afraid of this connection
But you make me want,
You make me feel...

I am falling in love with your words
I am falling in love with your mind
I am falling in love with your soul
If your whole is greater than the sum of these parts...
Perhaps, I am falling in love with you too

You were there, just for me
Hot, steaming, full bodied
I just couldn't resist you
I could almost taste you...

I held you close
You melt the chill with your warmth
I inhale your essence
I wet my lips in anticipation

You scald my lips, but it doesn't matter
Your bittersweet flavor is delicious
I close my eyes, not minding the rain outside
I luxuriate in your comfort

For a moment, time stands still
No worries or distractions
A little escape into solitude and sweet serenity
Just me and my perfect cup of coffee

In an alternate reality
In another time, another place
In another circumstance
You'd still be part of my life

You'd share my happiness
Partake of my sadness
Be with me in times of boredom
Hold my hand during my bouts of madness

When I felt worthless
Remember what you told me,
That I was the best in everything that mattered
You made me feel golden

Now there's only emptiness
Only cold and numbness within...
It's not as bad as it seems
It only hurts when I breathe

I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough
I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough
I hope you know what you mean to me
I hope you feel that I think of you
Do you miss me, like I miss you?