When she was 5
She drew a picture with the colors of the rainbow
It made everyone happy
Her teacher gave her a "star"
Her parents gave her a kiss
And tucked her in, warm and snug
Dreaming of fairies and princesses

When she was 15
She took a picture where everything was black and blue
It made everyone uncomfortable
Her teacher took her to the counselor
Her parents gave her punishment
She tucked herself in bed, with bruises and welts
And waited for the horrible nightmares to begin

When she was 25
She painted a scene where everything was gray and bleak
She didn't show it to anyone
But continued to see the counselor
Her boyfriend continued to beat her
She passed out in the living room, knocked out cold
With no dreams, nor nightmares to spare

Now she's 35
She wrote some words in red
Hoping for someone to finally see
She didn't visit the counselor, didn't take her medications
Life finally beat out all the fight in her
She saw herself covered in a sea of crimson
Warm fluid running down her wrists
Her vision began to blur
As she welcomes this final sleep

I’ve lied to everyone I know,
I’ve kept it all inside,
My damage doesn’t even show,
It became easier and easier to hide

You were different
You accepted me from the start
I couldn’t hide anything from you
No matter how hard I tried

You loved me when I am mad
You loved me when I am sad
You loved me when I cried
You loved me when I lost my mind

I know you love me with all of your heart
But I am sorry, I am so sorry
To have to lie to you now
And tell you that I don’t love you back

This paper is clean and pure
Just like your heart
My ink is dark and heavy
Just like my soul

Once splintered, cracks remain
No matter how you mend it
I refuse to mar your beautiful spirit
Make you bear the stain of my love

I love you too much for this.

If only I knew how it would end
If only I was certain of how you felt
If only you believed what I said
And if only when I tried to fix things, they became better

If I knew how to show my feelings
If I knew how to make you believe
If I knew how to make you happy
And if I knew how to make you feel loved

If letting you know how I felt didn't cause me to be numb
If making you believe didn't make me a liar
If making you happy didn't leave me sad
And if making you feel loved didn't make me alone

Things would have never reached this point
No one would ever blame you for not caring
No one would blame me for not thinking
Maybe you and I would be better than this

I waited for you...
While the clock ticks
It's steady, lifeless beat
Drumming in my head

I waited for you...
Maybe you forgot
Perhaps you've been hurt
Which would've been worse?

My heart skipped a beat when I finally saw you
The man of my dreams,  then and now
I was just about to tell the girl beside me that you’re my life
But she spoke first, “I’m his wife.”

I pretended to be deaf when I heard you.
I pretended to be blind when I saw the two of you.
I tried not to get hurt when I was supposed to.
Seeing you both, I hoped that I was the one with you.

I wish I'd never met you
I wish you’ve never been so sweet
I wish you weren’t too special
I wish you never became my world.
I wish I didn’t love you.
The problem is I do.

Blessed is the heartache
That eroded your skin
To reveal your bleeding self beneath
With the other fears, of rejection, of physical pain,
Of losing your mind, of losing your eyes
Bleeding words, painting, making music

When the world suddenly turns upside down
You plunge deep to swim with the stars
You are not afraid of the darkness
Knowing it makes the light shine brighter
Proximate, Intimate, Infinite...
And when I taste your poetry, I kiss your name

This is not an escape
Nor is this my surrender
This is my happy ever after
If only you were here

When I was lost and broken
You found and made me whole again
When I felt I couldn't go on
You proved the strength I had in me

But now I'm sinking,
Hanging only by a thread
Let me crash and burn
Let me fall for you

Please, please turn around
Give me a reason to let go
We can make it last forever
If only you were here

...Out here on my own
But I know I'm not alone
Your spirit lives on in me
I just wish you were here

How touching it is that we send our loved ones pictures of ourselves. It's as if we want them to see what we're giving them: our presence, our physical selves. We can't, at this distance, give them our hearts and our emotions. We cannot give them our touch and our kiss. We can only send them these promises, these offerings. It's all we have to give until that time we can give them everything else.