"We accept the love we think we deserve..."

Plunging feet first, head last
Immersing myself completely in your atmosphere
Impulsive,bold, and open
With no reservations, no pride
All caution thrown to the wind

A meeting of minds that are attuned perfectly to each other
A melting of kindred souls
The thrill of my falling into your gravity
My lover, my precious.
How do you make me burn for you?

A passionate combustion, a sweet torture
An illicit warmth, an aching pain
There is a longing, a desire so strong it is almost palpable
A longing to be close, to touch and be touched
To find meaning and warmth in another's embrace

You make my heart melt, You set me on fire.
I drink the soul from your mouth,
All your pleasure and pain and everything you feel.
I won't let you go until I have it.
Taking your anger, your rage, your hurt
Turning it into an apology, a pardon, a penance

And when my heart is sated, I take you in my arms,
I hold you close and kiss you and tell you what you mean to me,
Kiss your lips and eyes till you fall asleep,
Knowing tomorrow is another day for us.

I sit across from you
Holding my breath
Searching your face
Your eyes
For a sign

I have laid my cards at the table
Without any apology
Holding nothing back
Leaving myself
At your mercy

You can get up and walk away,
Stare me down into submission,
Hold my hand in empathy,
Or embrace me in acceptance
I am defenseless, vulnerable...

It's over... just like that
Two little words that you dropped so easily
How could it be so simple for you
To give up and walk away?

All I wanted was your heart
To allay my fears and calm me down
Yet it's the one thing you couldn't give me
Because you weren't capable of loving

I am devastated and overwrought
I need you to shake me
Or wrap your arms around me
Holding me together, holding nothing back

But you were distant and aloof
In full control of your faculties
In full disregard as I cried
Not needing anyone, not even me

Where does this leave us in the aftermath?
I am still feverish with passion for you
You are still cold with indifference
How do I get over you, over us?

Here you stand alone with your thoughts
Not believing you could be whole again
You try to tell yourself that you're okay
Deep down inside, you don't believe what you say

You feel that perhaps it's too late
Scared that somehow, someone will find you
Break you, watch you bleed
Then leave you behind to pick up the pieces

It's going to be a long, long night
It's going to be darker than it should
The bleakest of seasons , a time for tears
Colder until the morning light appears

Please don't hide away
Follow your heart, don't be afraid
Think of what could be, what would be
If you'd rewrite the role that you play

I believe you've got what it takes
You're magical, beautiful, incredible
I know that you're much stronger than you let on
I know you're brave enough to get through this

I will be waiting for you on the other side
Out of the dark, out of the rain
Where it's almost paradise...
I'll be waiting to be with you again.

We met under a hopeless circumstance
But somehow, you seem so familiar
And yet it almost frightens me too..
What if I disappoint you?
What if I can't follow through?

While my words are sincere,
I know how words can hypnotize and enchant
How they enter some special place in the mind
Mixing with dreams and desires,
Distorting whatever the reality might be.

Be careful. Be cautious.
I don't, above all, ever want to hurt you or cause you pain.
I'm human and I have failings.
I'm afraid you might expect too much of me.
I worry that I might let you down.

And yet at the same time I say that,
I hunger for your words, for your love and your surrender.

This is the last tear I would shed for you
I don't have any tears left in me anymore
The depths of my pain go beyond crying
Aching and throbbing as I bled

All I wanted was a little kindness
A little compassion, a little acknowledgement
It was a mistake on my part
To even consider you capable of any

You told me  I was worthless
A waste of time, A waste of oxygen
You repeated it like a mantra
Cursing my existence
Until I, too, believed it to be true

You were systematic in your hatred
You abused my body, my mind, my soul
You attacked me incessantly until I shattered
Now an empty, broken vessel of the person I once was

You cannot hurt me any more than this
You've taken all I have and more
I have nothing else to lose
I simply don't care anymore

So I close my eyes, and let go
Of the final breath I had been holding onto
As I welcomed the cold night, the darkness
...


...I hope I've finally made you happy now.

My car is parked, my bags are packed
Yet my heart chooses to look back
Facing the shadows of the past,
The ghost of a man,
And a love I shouldn't carry anymore

Should have seen it coming
But you kept me guessing
Until your lies became my truth
Still my heart burns for someone,
Apparently the wrong one

I told myself to let the story end
That my heart would someday belong to someone better
But when you said "Darling..."
It's a vicious little word that slays me
Keeping me from walking away

I came undone
It hurt me more to leave you
When all I wanted was to love you
Perhaps one day, I will be okay
Have the strength to finally end this

...just not today.