Guilt held me by the throat,
narrowed eyes filled with unshed tears,
as i clawed at the fingers blocking my airway.

Spectators say i should turn to faith,
for how could i not believe in the graceful intervention of a higher power,
in a crime that claimed the lives of so many,
in a crime that left just one.

I do not wish to be involved in His plan,
this miracle they speak of is far too unforgiving.

The fingers around my neck unclenched,
and my arms fall to my sides in resignation.

"You will live with me forever,"
Guilt whispers into my ear.

I shook my head and opened my mouth,
begging for forgiveness, for justice,
but no words escaped my throat.

Grief gives me a long stare,
unsure about approaching me.

“How can i apologize for the crime that claimed the lives of so many?”
I asked in desperation.
“How can i apologize for being the only one?”

To my friend, Magnolia:

Losing someone you love never gets easier with time.

If you lose them young, all those unanswered questions will **** you.
if you lose them later, everything you know about them will.

To say grief fades with time
is to suggest love was never real.
Because how can someone
no longer here
still be part of the story?

How can they be the exposition, the rising action, the ******, the falling action, and the resolution all at once?

How can they keep haunting the narrative?

Time makes no promises.
Not happiness,
not closure,
not even peace.

But love does.

There will always be enough love
to make this pain bearable.

The sum of what you have lost
and what you have yet to find
will be your only salvation.

And you will be loved, Magnolia.

because even now,
you are capable of loving
someone that has been and ever was.