you have the same
dwelling eyes,
as i remembered.
and you have the same
soft lips
and although you are much
older
and taller now,
you are still the same
little girl i remembered.
i know daddy left
and mommy is struggling,
but you are still the same,
strong
little girl i remembered.
and i know you are
much more involved
in what you think
love is, but
you are still the same
strong,
emotional,
little girl i remembered.
and although you have changed
and you are not
very little anymore,
you are still the same
beautiful girl i remembered.

i am surrounded
by such beautiful faces  
and delicate bones.
and to come
across the thought
that there is a
broken heart
behind their comforting eyes,
makes me weak.
and behind fragile arms
are scars.
and i dont feel any pain,
or the need to  f a d e  away
but why are such beautiful faces,
so far into the obscurity?
and why do they have the most
insecurities
and
incomplete happiness?

Away! away!
  Tempt me no more, insidious Love:
      Thy soothing sway
  Long did my youthful ***** prove:
  At length thy treason is discern’d,
  At length some dear-bought caution earn’d:
Away! nor hope my riper age to move.

      I know, I see
  Her merit. Needs it now be shown,
      Alas! to me?
  How often, to myself unknown,
  The graceful, gentle, virtuous maid
  Have I admired! How often said—
What joy to call a heart like hers one’s own!

      But, flattering god,
  O squanderer of content and ease
      In thy abode
  Will care’s rude lesson learn to please?
  O say, deceiver, hast thou won
  Proud Fortune to attend thy throne,
Or placed thy friends above her stern decrees?

Me, Myself & I.

My demons shall never wake
for my demons never sleep.

From daylight’s deafening whispers, through out my nightmares silent scream.
new ones are reborn though the old ones never die...
my internal enemies, me, myself, & I.

A war wages on where peace seldom prevails,
a battle that’s never-ending,
this war is within myself.

A mirror’s shallow lie has become my drowning truth,
the enemy that I face,
this reflection’s ugly proof.

From the outside I’m looking in,
from the inside there’s no way out.

How can I love another when I cannot love myself?

The lies that you believe are the truths that I deny.
My blind eyes clearly see through this reflection’s desperate cries.
This emptiness fulfills where self-loathing overflows into my sea of insecurities
where a million dreams lie lost below.

My mind is the beast, the enemy within,
the imprisoner of my heart where love has never been.

I’m a little boy lost who’s never found his way,
now grown into a man still haunted by yesterdays,
where tomorrow is my journey,but my journey is a lonely road where childhood is long forgotten
like my innocent-stolen soul.

Can I really be that man,
this reflection that shatters me,
still picking up the pieces of the man I’ll never be?

Now depression’s bitter pill I swallow every day;
still the biggest fear I face is facing another day,
where today became tomorrow and tomorrows yesterday.

I’m lost within myself,
& my friends I’ve pushed away,
but in the face of this stranger that I look at from within,
I finally realize has become my only friend,
but when I whispered the words “I love you”
left only silence echoing.

Reflections cannot mirror what they cannot see.

Hey mirror mirror on the wall who’s the loneliest of us all?

So I smashed this silence to set us free,
me from you & you from me,
and now I stand behind this shattered web,
forever scarred by memories’ dread,
here I stand and as I look in me
I feel no pain but yet I bleed.

Though the wounds outside have all but healed,
the scars they left I’ll always feel.

So if it’s you to cast the first stone,
‘the perfect one’ the mirror still owns.

Judge me not by the scars you see,
though shallow minds never venture deep,
so if you live by the mirror’s light,
reflection’s perception is but a lie.

Now I venture in a deeper sea
diving deeper in search of me,
but with my demons in tow & darkness abound,
I reach for the light as they’re pulling me down.

Drowning in darkness...fades the light.

God please give me the strength to continue this fight.

---------------------------------------------------------­----------------------

William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll
With a cane that he twirled around his diamond ring finger
At a Baltimore hotel society gath'rin'
And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him
As they rode him in custody down to the station
And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree ******
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears
Take the rag away from your face
Now ain't the time for your tears

William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years
Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres
With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him
And high office relations in the politics of Maryland
Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders
And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling
In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking  
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears
Take the rag away from your face
Now ain't the time for your tears

Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen
She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children
Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage
And never sat once at the head of the table
And didn't even talk to the people at the table
Who just cleaned up all the food from the table
And emptied the ashtrays on a whole other level
Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane
That sailed through the air and came down through the room
Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle
And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears
Take the rag away from your face
Now ain't the time for your tears

In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gavel
To show that all's equal and that the courts are on the level
And that the strings in the books ain't pulled and persuaded
And that even the nobles get properly handled
Once that the cops have chased after and caught 'em
And that the ladder of the law has no top and no bottom
Stared at the person who killed for no reason
Who just happened to be feelin' that way without warnin'
And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished
And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance
William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence
Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears
Bury the rag deep in your face
For now's the time for your tears

Isn't it the clams turn?
No actually, it isn't
the clam is surprisingly
far behind in line
You know who's
in front of the clam?
The leopard
I kid you not
Leopard comes before clam
If anyone every asks you
Leopard comes before clam.

Here I sit,
Perplexed and confused to say the very least
She has no idea what wonderful things she has
Throwing it all away for what?
Oh for some fun, wild crazy irresponsible fun
Why is it that frivolous madness is what we all crave over structured wonderful?
Is it not enough that the sky is blue, birds are singing and you can get Swedish fish with every meal?

Just to be happy watching movies, kittens in boxes, tossing m&ms; laughing as the room falls into a mess
I’ll address this whole mess tomorrow I always say.
The room is beginning to feel a bit smaller and cozier
It always seems that way when you come around
“Lets look for classy people”
What if I told you that you were classy and I was classy and maybe what they all are saying could have some merit?
What if we give off all of these signals so grand we could summon Batman?
Because they are there and we could never hide them?

Something we could never ever fight off with our coats,
Like the winds here that blow us around like fraternity flyers,
Crashing me into walls and benches, skittering about campus.
Pick me up
Read me or throw me out
You’d never recycle me that’s for sure.
Keep me in your pocket, put me on your bulletin board.
Ill gladly sit there all day,
To be there every moment you need someone to talk to

You don’t need to worship me,
Adore me,
Praise me,
Cajole me,
Indulge me,
Or even Impress me.

Just pick me,
Choose me,
Love me.

i like it
even though i
get bullied on
and called names
because i want to learn
and i am always learning
new things at school
school is also for
making mistakes
and i make
plenty of them
because we
can learn
from our
mistakes what
to do better