I have not slept in days.
Today marks somewhere
between one to two weeks
Where I have not found rest.
I have seen the sun rise
And seen the sun set
More times than I would like.
I've seen the bright light of
The Luxor from the strip,
Shining into the night sky,
A beam to the stars that I have
Daydreamed of following -
Maybe then I'd find
A nice place to rest.
But I've grown restless
Trapped in this ****** city,
Where sin is encouraged
And fuels the economy,
And I don't want to be here
Anymore.
I have seen the neighbors through my window,
Few pulling into their driveways
At the crack of dawn,
While others leave at the same time.
The same woman across the street,
She steps onto her front steps
Desheveled, hair a mess
Takes a seat and lights a cigarette
Every morning at 6 am.
I have memorized the textured ceiling,
The wood lines of my dresser,
The precise timing of the air conditioning,
And the time that my family wakes up.
They prepare breakfast for themselves,
Knowing that I am asleep,
And leave just a few hours later.
I suppose this shouldn't be
much of an issue -
It's summer, after all.
But I have not found rest.
Even when school was in session,
I never got more than a few hours,
And I survived just fine in the day
But now I get nothing,
Zero, zip.
And nothing makes sense.
And everything moves
In slow motion.
And my thoughts are intrusive.
And nothing makes sense.
And I'm paranoid
Of nothing at all
And nothing makes sense.
And I just want to rest.
Someone teach me how to sleep because I seem to have forgotten how that works.