Guys like me are overlooked
I do my best for change
Break the mold so I'm not forgotten and left out
Not sure what to say or do
I'm honest and truthful and get no respect
Give it my all to receive disrespect
Better then those talking
Alway seen as a threat without trying

Friends leave
I get that
Nothing lasts forever

But you believed her lies about me
And that really
Hurt

Here is a glass of water from my well.
It tastes of rock and root and earth and rain;
It is the best I have, my only spell,
And it is cold, and better than champagne.
Perhaps someone will pass this house one day
To drink, and be restored, and go his way,
Someone in dark confusion as I was
When I drank down cold water in a glass,
Drank a transparent health to keep me sane,
After the bitter mood had gone again.

I don’t know what to do anymore?
Where do I go when no matter where I turn I disappoint someone?
I hurt someone?
I just want to be happy.
I just want to be content and safe.
Why is it handed so easily to those who take it for granted?
I wanna wake up in the morning and wonder what good lies ahead instead of fearing what shoe is left to fall today.
Im tired of always having to prepare myself for the bad to come and to be the one to pick up the pieces.
For once I wanna be the irresponsible one who gets to wreak havoc and not suffer any consequences.
I don’t wanna worry about failing.
About disappointing.
I fear the happiness I crave so badly.
Happiness for me never brings anything but double the madness I already had before.
The madness that ensues always insures that I regret that shred of happiness I felt just that blink before.
A blink.
That’s all it ever seems to be.
I look around and see happy little families wander around all day.
I help to create the memory that 20 years from now just may end up to be one of the most cherished memories of said family.
Meanwhile I look out at them with rage, jealousy, lust, envy, and most of all sadness.
Once upon a time that was my family.
If I had only known then what I know now I would have closed myself off to the happiness.
Why is it no matter how hard I try its not good enough.
Im not good enough.
I want such simple things in life.
A family to call my own.
To cherish and preserve the way I wish those around me would have cherished and most of all preserved mine when I was younger.
To feel safe, warm, and content.
To feel like I made something of myself.
Something to be proud of.
Something those around me could be proud of.
Meanwhile there are a million people in life handed these opportunities and waste them.
Take them for granted, wishing it all away.
Never knowing how suffocating what they are wishing for feels or how lucky and valuable what they are wishing away is.
Never realizing how much they should be cherishing the security they have been granted is.a
Oh well I know im doing the best I can.
Question is is it enough to get me to where I wanna be or am I doomed to repeat this cycle over and over again?
And if that may be the case will I ever figure out what I did to deserve such cruelty?

your bones were breaking and you called it love. the life leaked out of your wide grey eyes and your hands trembled and you said it was safe. her foot held you underwater and your lips formed poems of devotion.

i saw the bruises.

i saw the signs.

every time i saw you i read the screams for help between your silences but nothing could keep you away from her. like moth to flame, your wings were singed as you flew into the one thing that could **** you, the one thing you found so impossible to leave.

your mouth was full of sobs but you couldn’t spit them out.

three months and too many scars later you tore out of her hands, leaving blood and skin behind in her claws. you had to leave behind chunks of yourself but you were free. the flame was extinguished and nothing tethered you to the broken-hearted love you had grown to crave

I feel like I'm breathing but I'm not really alive.
The blood pulsing beneath my skin and the air going through my lungs
Means nothing when I feel dead inside.
I am a ghost. Walking through a hall of smiling faces and joyful laughter.
Feeling insignificant and invisible.
Although the scars are fading, my past still haunts me.
My wrists are clean but my heart is not.
Its been beaten, scabbed, broken, and bleeding...but it continues beating.
Death seems peaceful, easy, but I'm not finished here,
Even though I'm in a season of a nightmare.
No matter how hopeless and dark it seems, I still see traces of beauty in the breakdown.
Hope shining through in midst of adversity.
Maybe a smile from a stranger
A flower from a loved one
A kiss, a hug, a touch.
Your beauty is weaved through this storm.
True love is waiting for me, not with a box of chocolates, but nails in His hands, pinned to the cross
Its time to let go and thaw this heart of stone.
My demons have no match to the power of Your name.
My wounds will heal, my heart will stitch up, and through Your power, I will recover.