Dear Darling,
Please excuse my writing
It’s just that my hands are shaking
And the tears in my eyes
Are making it hard to see

Dear Darling,
How long has it been since we last talked?
A week
A month
A year?

Dear Darling,
How are you doing?
I hope you’re ok
I know I probably shouldn’t be checking up on you
But you know how worried I get

Dear Darling,
I probably won’t even send this
Because I am a coward
And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you
I love you

You know, I might be wasted
But these words
They come straight from the heart
Haven’t you ever heard
That drunken lips say sober thoughts

The only reason
I’m stumbling over my words
Is because I’ve got too much to say
And it wants to come out
All at once

Sometimes
I want to scream
And shout
Until my lungs give out

But I can’t
I ******* can’t
Because no one will listen
Who would?
I’m a ****** up girl
With ****** up thoughts
And a self-esteem to match

****.

So when I’m drunk
Alcohol in my veins
Clouding my thoughts
I can’t help it
I can’t control myself
I can’t contain it
I talk

Now, I’m not a very vocal person
Usually
But then I get
You know
Plastered
Then
If you’re around me
You’ll know me
My darkest secrets
My deepest regrets
My innermost thoughts
You’ll know me

Maybe I shouldn't drink
Maybe I already know
This will hurt me in the end
Maybe people will see the real me
And hate me
Almost as much as I hate myself

And maybe
Just maybe
I don’t care anymore

I convinced myself
That the answer to all of my problems
Would be found at the bottom of a bottle
I didn't find it that first time
But it hasn't stopped me from looking

In vino veritas
They say that drunk lips
Speak sober thoughts
Maybe thats why every time you say you love me
You have a bottle of ***** in your hands
I'm always scared when you talk to me
Your lips are painted with lies
But I kiss them anyways
Hoping to wipe them clean with mine
But I know thats not how it works
I feel like I'm intoxicated by you
By your essence and aurora
Because my head feels fuzzy
I get giggly
And I feel kinda sick to my stomach
But its the good kind of sick
Ir there is such a thing
And I know that when I wake up
You'll leave me with this enormous hangover
And I'll just lay in bed
Longing for one more touch
Even though I won't get it
Until you tell me you love me
With that ****** bottle of ***** in your hands

Dear Darling,
Please excuse my writing
It’s just that my hands are shaking
And the tears in my eyes
Are making it hard to see

Dear Darling,
How long has it been since we last talked?
A week
A month
A year?

Dear Darling,
How are you doing?
I hope you’re ok
I know I probably shouldn’t be checking up on you
But you know how worried I get

Dear Darling,
I probably won’t even send this
Because I am a coward
And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you
I love you

You’ll look at the sky
I’ll look in your eyes
It’s a picture perfect scene
Photographed by two teens

But see, you take a picture
And store it away
You forget about it
As you live day by day

The same goes for memories
It happens over time
Don’t let our memory
Fade like a photograph

I think the thing
I’m scared of most
Is being forgotten
Because I know
I’m not that special
There’s nothing
Extraordinary
About me
So soon enough
You’ll find someone
Much more interesting
And wonderful
And amazing than I
And you’ll forget
All about me

I've got young blood pumping
Inside o my veins
But why does it feel like
My bones are caving in
The clock is ticking
Time is running out
I don't want to be here
I don't want to breath
My back hurts
My knees are weak
I used to love the sun
When it shone through your window
Now it feels like it's burning into my skin
They say I'm too young to live this way
I say I'm too young to be alone
I spent the Summer cooped up inside
In an East Texas basement
Smelling of cheap beer and bitter smoke
I'd like to say that I'm sorry
I wish I knew what for
I don't know if I'm breathing or not
I don't know if I care
So it's ok if you don't
It's what I expect
If not a little less
I'm not worth the tears
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I think we all know what for

I get asked
At least twice a day
Sometimes three
If I even care about school
Because I skip class
I’m irresponsible
And apparantly I have an attitude problem
I care about a lot of things
I am so passionate about  lot of things
Music
Poetry
I am so passionate about life in general
We are young
We have just reached the edge
In which we jump off of
To reach the peak of our life’s
The world is at the palm of our hands
Easily taken by every one of us
With the flick of the wrist
The world is at our feet
We step on the same Earth
As six billion other people
We walk on the same planet
But every single one of us are experiencing it differently
This world is filled with so many things
We have yet to experience
Smells and tastes and feeling and emotions
Foreign to us but equally as fierce as they run through our veins
The world is amazing!
Every time I feel
Like I finally have the ability to run
To scream and shout and dance and laugh
To go off into the world
Grab it by the shoulders and shake it
Until I know every one of its secrets
I feel somone grab me by the scruff of my neck
And yank me back into a desk
To sit quietly with my hands folded neatly on my lap
As I listen to a teacher blather on about mediocracies
As we wait for the next stadardized test
I care
About so many things
School is not one of them

Someone once asked me
To describe my hell to them
It really got me thinking
On what would causes me the most misery
Would it be being tortured
Or a place of constant war
Maybe its someone reminding me
Of all my failures and flaws
Finally I realized
What my hell really is
Hell is loving you
And waking up alone

I’m ok
Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say?
I guess that’s what you want to hear
But you don’t know what’s real

Look at my dimpled smile
You could never tell my depressions mild
But this smile is getting harder to uphold
And this is something that will never be told

You don’t know I cry at night
You think I’m fine when in your sight
But when I’m alone, darkness settles in
I feel like nothing more that a worthless sin

Maybe that’s why my strenght is weakening
I see myself as disgusting, sickening
I’m not good enough to be alive
So I’ll wait for my end to arrive

I know for a fact that I’m hellbound
As I lay crying on the ground
I just want my pain to end
I just want my life to end

I think I left my heart
In the pocket of the jeans
I threw to wash
My emotions
Are in the center console
Of my truck
I left my love
On top of your dresser drawer
Along with my pack of stoges
And all the *****
I've ever given
I threw into the ocean
To finally be washed away

Your smile
Reminds me of
Music
A beautiful
Melody
And I wish I could
Put it on replay
So I could listen to it
When you’re not around

It hurts because I stumbled in on him
As if he were broken pieces of glass
It hurt
And I'm still trying to get shards of you out of my wound

What is love?
Love is...
Honestly?
To me...
Love is a bunch of *******
Wrapped in gold paper

Tell me about yourself
Your fears and hopes
Your dreams and nightmares
Tell me all the wicked thoughts
That come to your mind late at night
Tell me stories of your childhood
And you want to do when you graduate
Tell me what you want to do with your live
Tell me your favorite color
Favorite song, book, movie
Your favorite food and drink
Favorite type of cookie
Tell me what you hate
What you can’t stand
Your pet peeves
Tell me secrets you thought
You’d never share with anyone
But make me love you
All that much more
Tell me everything
You can go on for hours
I don’t mind

Some roses are red
But violets aren’t blue
Did you actually think
This was some stupid “I love you”?

I’m sick of feelings
Like hope and love
Because they all seem to fade
When push  comes to shove

Love is a four letter word
That always hurts the same
I’m always the one left behind
Left with nothing but hate and shame

So now, I refuse to feel
I’ll drink away my pain
Who needs love, anyways
If I got this bottle to drain

Fifteen
Crazy
Insane?
Maybe
Praying
Dreaming
Running
Always
Never­
Stoping
Here
Today
Gone
Tomorrow
Stay?
Maybe
No
Never
I have to
Find myself
First

I don’t pay attention at school
But one day
In some class
I don’t even know which one...
Something caught my attention
Your cells get replaced every 6.5 years
That means
One day
I will have a body
That you have never touched
And I still don’t know how I feel about that

(I)’m not too sure what to do anymore
But I know I (want) to do something
Everything seems so mono(to)nous
It’s (****)ing me inside to be here right now
(My) heart feels so heavy
With low (self)-esteem
I guess this is the end

They say that hell is empty
And the devils are all here
They say we should be careful
That everything’s to fear
But I ignore the cautions
The warnings that I hear
It’s not like we are angels
Or people to hold dear
Yes, devils are among us
But I don’t think we should fear
Because we, ourselves the people
Are the devils that are here

You are my sun
My moon
And all of my stars
You are the soft wind that blows cherry blossoms
Gently off the branch
You are rushing waterfall
A roaring, exciting current
You are the first flower
That blooms after Winter
And the absolute hottest day
A scorching heat after Spring
You are the first cool breeze
That refreshes after Summer
And the first fall of snow
A wonderland after Autumn
You are the beauty I see in every day
See, you are my everything

I am made of flaws
And bad decisions
Stitched together with recklessness
In such a way
That makes self destruction
Inevitable

I stitched my heart
Onto your sleeve
But you let my world crumbled
Around your fingertips

You whispered promises
You couldn’t keep
In my ear
In my sleep
But these dreams you sold to me
Have turned into nightmares and defeat

You left my life
Crumbling ‘round my feet
My anxiety rose
I spiraled out of control
I fell down this darkened hole
And so self destruction began

Have you ever choked on the smoke
That numbs your chest
And clouds your mind?
The bottle went up
And the fear went down
I stumbled back and forth
Between pain and numbness

I think I saw you in a dream
And I thought I heard the door open
But the door was just closing
And the dream was a drunken haze
I close my eyes
And I see yours
Staring back at me

I still remember the way
Your fingertips traced my skin
Your cool skin
Pressed against mine
I offered you my warmth
And you took it all away

I look at myself
And I understand
Why you left
****, I’m such a mess
But you made me like this

I’m not sad anymore
And the numbness has gone away
My emotion has turned a page
Now all I feel is rage

I won’t waste my unscarred knuckles
I have hands
So I can break things
I yell
Until my lungs seem empty
But the room is filled

I’m angry
But I don’t know at who
You
Or me

I’ve slipped back into numbness
I think I like this best
The nagging pain
Is easily taken away
With a stoge and a shot
I think I like this best

Did you know
That the sun still rises
Even though you’re not here?
The stars still shine
The moon waxes and wanes
Did you know?
Because I didn’t

I woke up
And your pillow didn’t smell like you anymore
All the pictures of us
Were broken
All the traces of you
Were gone

In biology
We learned that cells get replaced
Every 6.5 years
That means one day
I will have a body
That you have never touched

I put away the whiskey
I stopped buying stoges
And I picked up the pieces
Most of them, at least

It’s the way you smile
With a little laugh
Brown eyes sparkling
Happily

And I know

I’m so in love
So in love
So in love

With you

You crack a joke
I hear you laugh
You seem so full
Of silliness

And I know

I’m so in love
So in love
So in love

With you

Around you my heart flutters
My cheeks turn red
I get nervous
I stutter

And I know

I’m so in love
So in love
So in love

With you

I see you with her
Talking
Laughing
Linked arm in arm

My heart shatters
How I wish I was her
I feel the green eyed monster
And ****, does it hurt

But then I realize
As long as you’re happy
That’s all that matters
If you’re happy, I’m happy

And I that’s how I know that

I’m so in love
So in love
So in love

With you

My head is a prison
And I’m here for life
I can never get out
No matter how hard I try

Thoughts haunt me
Taunt me and laugh
Memories hurt me
And sneer with wrath

The voices, I think
They are the worst
I’m not quite sure
Why I’m the one that’s so cursed

Oh, how I try
To escape this hell
I try to fight back
It won’t work, you can tell

I bang my head against the wall
And slash my wrist until red falls
Hoping, praying this will keep them away
But nothing seems to keep them at bay

So here I stay a ****** up freak
With my head in my hands
And my hands on my knees
I let these terrible things consume me

Ten beers
Six shots
And a pack of smokes later
I’m still just sitting here
Staring at my lap
Trying to remember
How your hand felt
When I held it in mine

Ink veins open
And start to pour
My heart and soul
Onto the page
If your read my writings
You know me
My deepest crevices
Of my twisted mind
The darkest chambers
Of my tattered heart
And the most intimate parts
Of my fighting soul
My writings are
Who I am
Judge them or don’t
I don’t care
But this is my life
Written in pen

I’ve gone insane with the pain
Twisted memories still remain
I’ll never be able to escape
The terrible thoughts my head contains

Do you see these scars right here?
More to come is what I fear
But how am I supposed to heal
If I ruin what I hold dear?

I guess no one understood
Their words hurt more than any blade could
Now, I hang off their every word
As realize where I stood

I know I’ll never be good enough
I won’t make it, times are too tough
So now I lay me down to die
I’m done with life, don’t call my bluff

But this is no woe is me
I’m simply telling why I’ll no longer be
And when I’m gone you’ll wonder why
You never noticed my agony

I traced your veins like lines on a map yet I still wonder why I find myself lost.

But adults will smirk and say "All you teenagers think you're invincible."

And then they'll chuckle and shake their head as to say they have never heard something so preposterous.

But the thing is, we don't think we are invincible.

We know.

Because at 16, I have never felt stronger.

Because some of us have ****** parents that we have to deal with every day.

Because we've all had horrible teachers who disrespect us and belittle us.

Because we've all been ignored.

Because we've all had people not take us seriously because of our age.

Because we have been mistaken for weak.  

Because we've all had peers who turn against us.

Or were never for us in the first place.

Because we often have self destructive tendencies.

Because we are constantly torn between clutching our childhood and sprinting to adulthood.

Because we all have scars.

Because "Act like an adult" and "You're just a baby" are both phrases that often tumble from other's mouths as they direct our lives.

Because people often try to direct our lives.

Because we are too young to decide if we want to get a tattoo but this is the time in which we have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives.

Because we are considered rebellious for refusing to conform.

Because we are malleable and impressionable so we are often mistaken for shallow an stupid.

Because Some of us have to smoke to calm down and drink to become numb and take drugs to forget.

Because we are yet to be shaped and haven't become who we are meant to become.

Because we are often called the hopeless generation, doomed to crash in flames and fail miserable.

Because we are undeniably and irreparably broken.

Yet we still move forward and we still fight and we still ******* survive.

We are invincible

Because we have no other choice.

I hope your breathing becomes complicated
I hope your heart starts to race
I hope your palms get sweaty
I hope you stumble over your words
I hope your eyes start to shine
I hope you can't hold back a smile
I hope your cheeks turn red
I hope your thoughts become a jumbled mess
I hope butterflies erupt in your tummy
I hope it's all because of me

I'm scared that you can still see the tear tracks stained on my cheeks

Your heart is still beating
There is air in your lungs
Blood is pumping through tour veins
Don't you dare give up

I wrote your name with a pen
Filled with the blood
I had spilled on the bathroom floor
Because it would only makes sense
For pain to describe pain

See, I was kind of hoping
I could lay in your arms
You could lay in mine
We could listen to each others heart beat
And tell each other everything
From the past that might have scarred us
To the present we are facing
And what the future could hold
We could talk about our fears and hopes
And other serious things
Or we could tell each other jokes and stories
And just be really silly
Really, all I want
Is to lay my head on your chest
And talk
But I wouldn’t want to do
Any of this
If this is not with you

Hey, brother
Does the fire still run through your veins?

Hey, sister
Do you still have a fighters soul?

Hey, lover
Is love still filling up your heart?

Because the days now seem to be getting longer
And grey is filling up the sky

It seems as though a battle is coming
And we have no choice but to fight

So, now gather up your arms
And prepare your armor, too

Because if it’s a war they want
Then a war is what they’ll get

You're like a drug
That makes my heart rate speed up
My body go numb
And slowly kills me
While I reach for another hit
You are the sticks and stones
That break my bones
And the words
That always hurt me
You are the burn of whiskey
As it travels down my throat
And the hangover that follows the next morning
You are the walking definition
Of bittersweet
Because you're so **** bitter
And you play-pretend sweet
Someone once compared you to a cigarette
I don't know how I should take that.  
Because I smoke
But I know they're slowly killing me
You're bad for me
Poisonous
And us together
It's toxic
It feels like we're drowning in battery acid
I know I should just leave you
Because you'll end up killing me
Emotionally, mentally
And even literally
But I can't get rid of you
You're in my veins
You are mixed with the oxygen
That trickles into my lungs
I feel like I'm stuck with you
As if you were a tattoo I got
On a drunken night out
You're gripping me by the neck
Preventing me from leaving
Leaving marks in the process
And I can't breath
You are suffocating me
Overtaking me in every sense
And I will soon disappear
Into a shell of who I once was
You are becoming my own oblivion
I try to escape
But you only grip me tighter
Whispering apologies and promises of change
As more bruises begin to appear
And I give in
Because I swear I can see love in your eyes
And I swear I can change you
And I swear things will get better
And I swear there is a future for us
We just have to hold on
And while I try to loosen your grip
You only tighten it
By now I'm gasping for breath
And you promise its just a fear of letting go
So I choke out that its ok
Because it's getting harder to speak clearly
But I want you to know it's ok
And I can't really breath
Though you're whispering sweet nothings
I can't seem to answer
So I simply nod
I try to tell you that I can't breath
But I can't
And I'm kind of scared
I knew this you happen
You killed me mentally and emotionally
I should have left when I had the chance
But I couldn't bring myself to do so
And now its too late
I gasp one more time
You won't even look me in the eye
I can't tell how you feel
You won't let-

I am captivated by the way your skin is stretched over your bones and how

Every part of you curves perfectly into the next and

How your eyes lay sparkling in their sockets while

Your lips tug upwards and move into a melody as your

Heart creates a rhythm I want to live by and I

Wish the air you let trickle into your lungs was the air we shared while our faces where close but

Can I even complicate your breathing or

Maybe speed up your heart rate because

You make my body go into overdrive from

My racing heart to

My unsteady breathing and

My shaking palms but

You seem seem totally unaffected by my presence and

I should take it as a sign to just give up because

I can see the way you look at her and its the same way I look at you, I bet

That if you took your head out of her ***, you'd

Find the person more than willing to be with you i.e

Me, but

You won't so I guess its up to me to give up

Again

Because this seems to be the ever-repeating story of my life

I can't seem to catch my breath
There's a ball of fire in my chest
My lungs feel like they're about to implode
My hands are shaking
My vision is blurring
I don't know why I feel like this
And I'm scared

I’m angry
Because it’s really late
But I’m wide awake
Thinking of how it would feel like
To be in your embrace

Your hands still have the right lines
And our hearts still beat the same
So why are we not together
Why are you so far away?

You left me with a letter
Saying that it’s too hard
But you never told me what
And I can’t read minds

You broke a jar
In our last fight
It’s still there
I can’t pick it up

The rooms in our house
My house
Are cold and empty
And grey

Do you remember that time
We went to King Park?
I still walk on that path
But the memories won’t come back

Sometimes I feel
Like the next time I trip
I won’t be able
To get back up again

I have such small hands
That couldn’t hold on to you
Not even the rain
Could wash this away

I still don’t understand
You left without explanation
No reason to break me
Just that **** letter

I saw the universe
In his eyes
His hair held the galaxies
His fingers created melodies
That soothed all types of hearts
His arms could hold every piece
Of my broken soul together
And his legs walked miles around the Earth
Learning the stories
Of every life
His soul was made from stardust
And I made all my wishes on him
His very voice was soft and smooth
His lips always tasted like smoke
Always
He was something so
Different
He was too spectacular for this little old town
He was a violent explosion
Of colors and light
That burned out far too quick
And left me in the dark

Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore
This bed is too big
The sheets are too cold
And the night is far too long
So lay here with me
Let me fall asleep
With your heartbeat as my lullaby
Sing me to sleep, please sing me to sleep
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore

The sun will die every night just to let the moon breath

The ocean will continue to kiss the shoreline no matter how many times it's pushed away

And stars fall just so we can get our wish

Can't you see, it's obvious

Love is the very nature of this world

It's in the sky

On this Earth

And in your heart

No one falls for the poets
We are a bunch of lonely souls
No matter how sweet the words
They all seem oversold

See poets, we all know
The agony life will bring
This affects the way we think
As we live with the constant sting

It’s hard to knock down all our walls
It’s hard for us to let you in
You’ll start thinking we’re not worth the time
And end up leaving in the end

I guess that’s why our poems
Have such profound emotion
We have no one else to vent to
These feelings deep as an ocean

Maybe it’s for the best
That no one falls for poets
It’s the hardships we face in life
That make our words like bullets

Hopefully one day
Someone will fall for me
I doubt it would ever happen
But hey, poets do dream

I am everything
Therefore, I am nothing
But if I am nothing
How can I be everything?
Exactly
You cannot define me
I am everything
I am nothing
All at once
You cannot define me

I bet the reason
You hate yourself
Is because you gave all your love
To someone else
And when they gave none
In return
You were left with nothing more
Than an empty, hollowed heart
And no love, not even for yourself

But darling, don’t you fret
Because someday, someone will come
And they will fill your heart with love
And joy
Asking for nothing in return
And when you see that someone loves you
You will learn to love again
Not just them
But also yourself

I’ve never been a cup of tea
I’m more like the tenth shot of Jack
I’m the surge of adrenaline
Before your senses come back

I’m not the first choice
Or the last resort
I’m the choice you make
When you need an adventure of sorts

I’m always the one
You look over or past
But I really don’t care
It’s your party I’ll crash

So just wait and see
Until the real me comes out
I’m reckless, I’m brave
And treacherous throughout

I tried drinking that cheap strawberry wine that you love but it was far too sweet just like the memories we made while drinking it.

You helped me stop smoking but when you left I started smoking a pack a day to get the taste of you off of my tongue.

I deleted your number two hours after the break up but a month later I picked up my phone and dialed it by memory without realizing it.

You wore the same cologne every day for the two years we were together and I swear it still lingers on your side of the bed even though I've bought new sheets.

I found an old record yours and started playing it and I finally found the melody you used to hum to me when I couldn't fall asleep.

You called me last night and I could practically smell the alcohol through the phone when you said that you still loved me.

I saw a picture of you on Facebook and I saw that you still have my initials tattooed on your arm which makes me feel not so bad for still having yours on my wrist

You used to run your fingers up and down my spine and I hate the fact that I can still feel your fingers tracing the bones on my back.

We broke up an even though it still hurts and I still miss you and I know you feel the same I also know that if we get back together we will just destroy ourselves and one another so it's best we forget about each other.

I'm sorry