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Diana Oct 2014
I'm like a distorted puzzle piece
With too much on one side
Not enough on the other
I don't fit into the big picture

I'm like the wrong answer on a test
That someone tried to erase
But couldn't quite do so
A smudge on an otherwise pristine paper

I'm like a cigarette
A bitter veil of smoke
That hurts the ones who love me
And burns out far to quick

I'm like a shot of *****
Stumbling lips
A sharp tongue
Biting words

I'm like a punk rock song
Loud and obnoxious
Nonconformist and misunderstood
****** up and *******

I'm the black sheep
Who's not quite right
Hopeless, foolish, reject
Too much, not enough
I'm too far gone
Diana Sep 2014
I get asked
At least twice a day
Sometimes three
If I even care about school
Because I skip class
I’m irresponsible
And apparantly I have an attitude problem
I care about a lot of things
I am so passionate about  lot of things
I am so passionate about life in general
We are young
We have just reached the edge
In which we jump off of
To reach the peak of our life’s
The world is at the palm of our hands
Easily taken by every one of us
With the flick of the wrist
The world is at our feet
We step on the same Earth
As six billion other people
We walk on the same planet
But every single one of us are experiencing it differently
This world is filled with so many things
We have yet to experience
Smells and tastes and feeling and emotions
Foreign to us but equally as fierce as they run through our veins
The world is amazing!
Every time I feel
Like I finally have the ability to run
To scream and shout and dance and laugh
To go off into the world
Grab it by the shoulders and shake it
Until I know every one of its secrets
I feel somone grab me by the scruff of my neck
And yank me back into a desk
To sit quietly with my hands folded neatly on my lap
As I listen to a teacher blather on about mediocracies
As we wait for the next stadardized test
I care
About so many things
School is not one of them
Diana Sep 2014
I'm really young
I'm ******* dumb
I'm trying to break free
But I'm so God ****** numb

And I'm bored of this town
There's nothing to do
But drink, smoke, and flirt
And yell at the moon

I feel so ******
For falling into the beat
I've become like other teenagers
Who seem dead on their feet

I'm trying to change
To become something more
Than an outspoken punk
Who's fighting a war
Diana Sep 2014
I've got young blood pumping
Inside o my veins
But why does it feel like
My bones are caving in
The clock is ticking
Time is running out
I don't want to be here
I don't want to breath
My back hurts
My knees are weak
I used to love the sun
When it shone through your window
Now it feels like it's burning into my skin
They say I'm too young to live this way
I say I'm too young to be alone
I spent the Summer cooped up inside
In an East Texas basement
Smelling of cheap beer and bitter smoke
I'd like to say that I'm sorry
I wish I knew what for
I don't know if I'm breathing or not
I don't know if I care
So it's ok if you don't
It's what I expect
If not a little less
I'm not worth the tears
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I think we all know what for
Diana Aug 2014
I never really know what to say
But I can say you took my breath away
You blindsided me
And before a metaphor could tumble from my lips
My palms were sweaty
And heartbeat unsteady
You know, silence is violent
So I try to fill it with dialogue
Though it usually turns into an awkward monologue
Then you lose interest in what I'm saying
It's not important
I just really want to talk to you
But I never know what to say
And so I make a fool of myself
While you give me that look
That shows how weird you think I am
Which is not untrue
I am beyond abnormal
I just wish you thought of me as the good kind of weird
If there is such a thing
The worst part is
I'm below average
And I know exactly who has your attention
I know I can't compete with her
I know if I do, I'll only hurt myself
I guess it's best if I just stay quiet
And let you overlook me
I'll give up on you
Even though I really
Really don't want to
And I'll wait for someone
Who thinks of me as the good kind of weird
If there is such a person
Diana Aug 2014
I'm just so tired of this
Because it makes no ******* sense
I'll apologize
When you're the one who knocked me down
If I were to slash my throat
I would use my last dying breath
To apologizee
For getting blood on your shirt
All you do is victimize
You never seem to realize
That no one even likes you
You like to act like you're so great
And that everything you say goes
You are manipulative
You make everyone around you
Feel like absolute ****
And then guilty
For not doing as you say
You pompous ****
You're nothing but a *****
Because you've got a tiny ****
And you make up for it
By acting like one but
It doesn't make you desirable
Just liable
For all the stupid **** you say
I remember the first time you told me to go **** myself
I contemplated it
I held the blade in my hand and thought
"If it's what you want, it must be right"
But there has been no greater wrong
According to you
My mental illness is my own fault
A form of natural selection
And I agreed
I let every word
That tumbled from you lips
To cut me like knives
Because if you say it
It must be true
Diana Aug 2014
You're like a drug
That makes my heart rate speed up
My body go numb
And slowly kills me
While I reach for another hit
You are the sticks and stones
That break my bones
And the words
That always hurt me
You are the burn of whiskey
As it travels down my throat
And the hangover that follows the next morning
You are the walking definition
Of bittersweet
Because you're so **** bitter
And you play-pretend sweet
Someone once compared you to a cigarette
I don't know how I should take that.  
Because I smoke
But I know they're slowly killing me
You're bad for me
And us together
It's toxic
It feels like we're drowning in battery acid
I know I should just leave you
Because you'll end up killing me
Emotionally, mentally
And even literally
But I can't get rid of you
You're in my veins
You are mixed with the oxygen
That trickles into my lungs
I feel like I'm stuck with you
As if you were a tattoo I got
On a drunken night out
You're gripping me by the neck
Preventing me from leaving
Leaving marks in the process
And I can't breath
You are suffocating me
Overtaking me in every sense
And I will soon disappear
Into a shell of who I once was
You are becoming my own oblivion
I try to escape
But you only grip me tighter
Whispering apologies and promises of change
As more bruises begin to appear
And I give in
Because I swear I can see love in your eyes
And I swear I can change you
And I swear things will get better
And I swear there is a future for us
We just have to hold on
And while I try to loosen your grip
You only tighten it
By now I'm gasping for breath
And you promise its just a fear of letting go
So I choke out that its ok
Because it's getting harder to speak clearly
But I want you to know it's ok
And I can't really breath
Though you're whispering sweet nothings
I can't seem to answer
So I simply nod
I try to tell you that I can't breath
But I can't
And I'm kind of scared
I knew this you happen
You killed me mentally and emotionally
I should have left when I had the chance
But I couldn't bring myself to do so
And now its too late
I gasp one more time
You won't even look me in the eye
I can't tell how you feel
You won't let-
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