I feel like a clouded sun in the grey sky
seen through skeleton trees and darkened clouds
when night falls, I am plunged into darkness and despair
but there is hope when the clouded sun rises again

I am wandering in a dark ave
lost, confused, and nowhere to go

but wait, is that a light?
a way out of the darc and the gloom?

I run towards the light as fast as I can
ignoring everything that passes by

as I get closer, I see that it is not a way out
it is only the faint shimer of a shining rock

now I am still stuck in the cave
more lost than ever

I keep telling myself
just wait a little bit longer

I'll probably end up fine
I just need to wait a little it longer

I think I'm starting to crack
but I only need to wait a little bit longer

I don't know how long I can wait
but I will be fine

I just need to wait a little bit longer

I am in quite a dilemma
and it is all my fault

I fear that you avoid me
and I continue my assault

I hope I didn't cause trouble
in my foolish hopes for you

I blame me and only me
and you should blame me too

to this day, I clearly remember
all the silly things I've done

every day holds a new reminder
of all the silly things I've done

many times I seriously regret
all the silly things I've done

many times I wish to forget
all the silly things I've done

I no longer wish to justify
all the silly things I've done

I want to go back in time
to stop the silly things I've done

a new feeling
a hole in my heart
that I just can't fill

it doesn't go away
it only gets stronger
every time I see her

even when you forgive me for everything
I keep asking myself
am I the bad guy?

words have been said
feelings have been confessed

a pain is in my heart
but is healing or worsening?

it's a vicious cycle:

discovering your crush,
hoping to be together,
finally talking to him/her,
realizing that he/she is not who they seem,
heartbreak

and it always starts with one person
                                                                                                                                 **but can it be broken?

love is like a web
that people just keep spinning

I cannot wait to go back
back to a place that is peaceful and serene
back to a place where you can briefly forget your troubles
back to the horses, cows, and open fields
back to the country

when I lose control
when I fall apart

I will always know
that you will be there to catch me

I am going day by day
acting like every day is a normal day
while my feelings grow

eventually it will be too much
and I reach the breaking point

for years I have been silent
my true thoughts hidden from everyone

I can't take it anymore
I need someone who will listen

am I feeling better?
I think so
thing are starting to be calm

when I think of you
and get that gut-wrenching feeling
it no longer bothers me

even though I still like you
and care about you
you no longer hurt me

tick tick tick

the clock ticks away
driving me insane

tick tick tick

time flies away
while I am standing still

tick... tick...

I need to drown it out
I need to keep it blocked

tick...*

but when it goes silent
all I hear is the clock

no matter how much I plan
no matter how much I think
there is always something unexpected

every idea I have, there is a flaw
every plan I think of, there is a complication

but that's not always bad, right?

my heart says yes but my brain says no
but I don't know which to listen to

*and it's tearing me apart

you are the person
that I want to be with

but you are also a friend
that I do not want to lose

I am stuck in between
and I don't know where to go

I don't know where to go

there are many paths ahead of me
in a mix of confusion and colliding feelings

I guess I'll just stand still
where I know it's safe

I am traveling through a land
of secrets and hidden feelings

the road I walk is dark and silent
and I can't see the end

we are all stumbling in the dark; we are clueless

just hold on, sunrise is coming

sometimes I lie down in my bed and dream
I dream about us together
having fun, with no problems on our minds

I know this will never happen
but it's still nice to dream

every night when I am on my computer
why am I driven to tears?

it's not because I am lonely
it's not because I keep failing
it's not because I'm a fool

I cry because I cannot stand to see you suffer
I cry because you are hurt

even though I've been through this before
this time is even worse
because I already know what your answer is

everyone has a story
a story of their feelings
a message to whoever will listen

your heart is the scribe
your feelings are the pages
what is your story?

expectation can cause frustration
and haunts all of us like an infestation
sometimes through parents and their oppression
or, in my case, I create my own expectation
by trying to be perfect in someone else's vision
when I know fully well that will lead to depression
perhaps it's just a result of misdirection
how would I know? there is just too much *confusion

good moments gone
bad times thrive
a true love lost
we all fall to despair

I told her my feelings
And she said no
I thought I could move on
But I was wrong

I do not know how she feels about this
I do not know what she is experiencing
But what I do know
Is that she does not want this

I do not know what to do
This is new to me
For the first time in my life
I feel lonely

I want to just be friends with you
maybe that will solve my problems
but as much as I want to
I am still hanging onto a foolish hope

I have been told time and time again
that you do not share these feelings
I know that it is the truth
but part of me does not listen

I have no more secrets to hide
a weight is lifted

I expected despair and heartbreak
but those feelings never came

now that I have nothing left to hide
I feel free

I am lucky to have friends
that know how I am feeling

my friends are those who understand me
when no one else can

the last thing I want
is to lose a friend

an unsolvable puzzle in my head
because of missing pieces

so many people around me
not one telling a happy love story
heartbreak left and right
I guess we are just having some hard times

as life slowly fills with gloom
I find it hard to keep smiling

loneliness slowly eating me away
is almost too much to bear

so someone out there please
do something to make me smile

living in the light
where every mistake is public

I just want to go back in the shadows

let me hide in the woods
where no one can see me

let the dark clouds come
and block out the sun

spare me all the humiliation
and let me go back to hiding

why do we learn history?
so we don't repeat mistakes others have made?

that didn't work.

history repeated itself.
and now more are dead.

part of me
the part I trust
says I have a chance

but the other part
the rational side
says I don't

am I hopeful?
or am I in denial?

with everything that is happening
I know that I just need to wait
but I can't wait
I need to do something...anything to make things better for me
but what can I do?

I want to tell her
exactly how I feel about her
how she seems like the perfect girl
how she has always been kind to me

I want to tell her
but I don't know how

when you are thinking one day,
when you have that epiphany moment,
when you smile for the first time in a long time,
when you click "save poem"

that is how you will know that you are over it

after everything that happened
we would both move on
as if all this never happened

oh, how I wish that were true

I try to forget, and I try to let go
when our eyes meet when we pass each other by
I know I can never forget

how I wish I could forget...

if I were to go back
if I could do it all over again

could things be changed?

could I end up being with you?
could I have made things better for both of us?

If I tell her I had a crush on her
what would happen?

will it be quick and easy?
with no harm done?

or will I lose a friend
that I cannot live without?

If I were him
I would be sure not to make his mistakes

because he does not know
how much he lost

If I were him
I would not let us die

oh how I wish I were him

you got me in a bit of a jam
but it's okay
I'm still on my feet
and I'll just keep going

I am feeling better
everything is over and done
but am I over it?

when you are near
I find it hard not to look at you
and your beauty

when I think of you
it's hard not to imagine
a perfect moment with you

so am I over it?
or am I back at square one?

I'm sorry
for everything I did

I only wanted to help
but I messed things up for the both of us

I'm sorry
for making things even more confusing
I know you don't deserve it

I'm sorry

Laying on the bed
Tears running down my face

I'm listening to music
But it does not fill the hole In my heart

*I need you here

every day I get the feeling
that I am invisible
sitting alone every day
and knowing I'm left out of the loop
and sometimes just thinking
what I could be doing with other people
when I'm actually just sitting here
wishing someone would walk up and say "hi"