Looking back... I can remember my foolishness
I thought I knew everything. I thought I figured everything out
I said some stupid things. Did idiotic acts
And then it took me long... Too long to realize
I knew nothing at all

just one moment is all it takes
one moment, sometimes less than a second
and you will need to live with that mistake
for who knows how long

it's a vicious cycle:

discovering your crush,
hoping to be together,
finally talking to him/her,
realizing that he/she is not who they seem,
heartbreak

and it always starts with one person
                                                                                                                                 **but can it be broken?

I don't know where to go

there are many paths ahead of me
in a mix of confusion and colliding feelings

I guess I'll just stand still
where I know it's safe

another day gone by
but tomorrow, the same is neigh

my worries did not go away
the black birds are here another day

will I ever get out of this loop?
or will I stay trapped in this coop?

headphones in
listening to that music

the music I listened to
before my life got twisted

I wish I could go back to that time
where it seems nothing could go wrong

I am lucky to have friends
that know how I am feeling

my friends are those who understand me
when no one else can

the last thing I want
is to lose a friend

my heart says yes but my brain says no
but I don't know which to listen to

*and it's tearing me apart

what are tears?
A sign of weakness?

no
not to me

to me, tears are proof of genuine feeling
that you care for something you lost

I am not ashamed to cry

even when you forgive me for everything
I keep asking myself
am I the bad guy?

I feel like a clouded sun in the grey sky
seen through skeleton trees and darkened clouds
when night falls, I am plunged into darkness and despair
but there is hope when the clouded sun rises again

Teeth gritten
Fists clenched
Same song on repeat
"I hate everything about you"
Why is life so cruel?

nothing is going up
only down

no one is happy
only heartbroken

nothing is coming together
everything is falling apart

nothing is right
everything is going wrong

often I wonder
what kind of person am I?

people say only I can find the answer
but can I trust my biased opinion?

is who I think I am
really who I am?

love can mend your life
give you the will go on
make everything seem better

but love can break your heart
plunging you into despair
leaving something missing

words have been said
feelings have been confessed

a pain is in my heart
but is healing or worsening?

I hate how I make one mistake

one slip-up

one single slip of the tongue

and I fear I messed up my life

and I hate it more

when my fears are realized

I don't want to talk to you about this

I know you want to clarify things for me
but you are telling me what I figured out a long time ago

I know that you are trying to help
but you are only making things worse for me

so please, let me figure this out for myself

laying in my bed
and I want to cry
I want to cry in my pillow
until my eyes die
I want to cry
but I don't know why

don't dwell on the past
or worry about the future
focus on the urgency of now
focus on today
because it may be gone tomorrow

if I could change my life
what would I do?

I would go back and change the part
when I fell in love with you

it could have stayed so simple
you could have been my friend

now I'm trapped in a nightmare
that doesn't seem to end

the more I think, the more I fear the problems that I need to face
some average everyday problems, but mostly my problem
I am missing something, and I know what it is
right now I need someone to love

I know people who know real heartbreak, and they suffer much more than me
but my problem still stands
even though I have the support of my friends
I still do not know exactly what to do next

If I were him
I would be sure not to make his mistakes

because he does not know
how much he lost

If I were him
I would not let us die

oh how I wish I were him

everyone has a story
a story of their feelings
a message to whoever will listen

your heart is the scribe
your feelings are the pages
what is your story?

when you say that you and him are not going well
the Hyde part of me says: "good"

but the rest of me is shocked
how is this good for anyone?

why do we learn history?
so we don't repeat mistakes others have made?

that didn't work.

history repeated itself.
and now more are dead.

I see myself standing in a colorless field
running through an empty forest
wandering in a forgotten city

but only I can figure out
where I actually am

I want to stay in the shadow's grace
where no one can see my face
I want to stay in the shadow
I want to stay in the shade
I want to stay in the dark
where I have no name
I want to lose the world
and keep myself closed
I want to be cut off from the world
I just want to be gone

I am feeling better
everything is over and done
but am I over it?

when you are near
I find it hard not to look at you
and your beauty

when I think of you
it's hard not to imagine
a perfect moment with you

so am I over it?
or am I back at square one?

deep and dark
and sometimes deadly
I hide in my room to find it

it tortures me
it tears my soul
I seek out others to escape it

after everything that happened
we would both move on
as if all this never happened

oh, how I wish that were true

I try to forget, and I try to let go
when our eyes meet when we pass each other by
I know I can never forget

how I wish I could forget...

more people say they can't carry on
they say it will be better when they are gone

when I see worlds shatter
my heart breaks with it

let us help. let us pick you back up
before you are stuck in the ground

I want to just be friends with you
maybe that will solve my problems
but as much as I want to
I am still hanging onto a foolish hope

I have been told time and time again
that you do not share these feelings
I know that it is the truth
but part of me does not listen

we are all stumbling in the dark; we are clueless

just hold on, sunrise is coming

part of me dwells on my first crush
and the other part focuses on another
but she is just as hopeless as the first
that's just my luck I guess

I want to tell her
exactly how I feel about her
how she seems like the perfect girl
how she has always been kind to me

I want to tell her
but I don't know how

a new feeling
a hole in my heart
that I just can't fill

it doesn't go away
it only gets stronger
every time I see her

so many feelings beginning to return for me
I thought they would be gone for longer, but I am mistaken.
all those thoughts that kept me down
yet they are comfortably familiar
all I can say to them is

welcome back

everyone is searching for the same thing
shrouded in darkness

everyone going different paths
through false roads and twisted trails

I wish I could stop stumbling in the dark
but I'm stuck like everyone else

there are some days
where it's hard to look away


this is one of those days

sometimes I think to the past
I regret things that I have done
and yet I know
nothing passed can be changed.

why do I regret the past
when all I can do
is plan for the future

I remember when I used to shed a tear every night
day by day, you made things better

I hope I am doing the same for you

as life slowly fills with gloom
I find it hard to keep smiling

loneliness slowly eating me away
is almost too much to bear

so someone out there please
do something to make me smile

with all the sadness around me
with so many broken hearts
my resolution is to make things better

somehow

love is like a web
that people just keep spinning

there is so much I want to say
but I don't know how to say it

part of me
the part I trust
says I have a chance

but the other part
the rational side
says I don't

am I hopeful?
or am I in denial?

with everything that is happening
I know that I just need to wait
but I can't wait
I need to do something...anything to make things better for me
but what can I do?

I feel like I am caught in a high tree
far away from reality

I want to come down
I want to join the others

but I can only watch
as the moments fly by

how did I get up here?
and more importantly,
how do I get down?

I have no more secrets to hide
a weight is lifted

I expected despair and heartbreak
but those feelings never came

now that I have nothing left to hide
I feel free