I don't want to talk to you about this

I know you want to clarify things for me
but you are telling me what I figured out a long time ago

I know that you are trying to help
but you are only making things worse for me

so please, let me figure this out for myself

there are some days
where it's hard to look away


this is one of those days

the path I need to follow
is more like an open field

a directionless plain
with no end in sight

moving forward blindly
will only end in pain

so someone please
tell me where to go

as the glow of the shimmering rock goes dim
I am pulled further away from the exit

I am wandering in a dark ave
lost, confused, and nowhere to go

but wait, is that a light?
a way out of the darc and the gloom?

I run towards the light as fast as I can
ignoring everything that passes by

as I get closer, I see that it is not a way out
it is only the faint shimer of a shining rock

now I am still stuck in the cave
more lost than ever

even when you forgive me for everything
I keep asking myself
am I the bad guy?

I want to just be friends with you
maybe that will solve my problems
but as much as I want to
I am still hanging onto a foolish hope

I have been told time and time again
that you do not share these feelings
I know that it is the truth
but part of me does not listen

you are the person
that I want to be with

but you are also a friend
that I do not want to lose

I am stuck in between
and I don't know where to go

I am lucky to have friends
that know how I am feeling

my friends are those who understand me
when no one else can

the last thing I want
is to lose a friend

am I a dead flower
wilting away into nothing?

or am I a bud
waiting to bloom?

I'm sorry
for everything I did

I only wanted to help
but I messed things up for the both of us

I'm sorry
for making things even more confusing
I know you don't deserve it

I'm sorry

I want to tell her
exactly how I feel about her
how she seems like the perfect girl
how she has always been kind to me

I want to tell her
but I don't know how

moments like this
when we talk as friends
it's the one time
that I am not worried

although it will be gone tomorrow
for now, I'll hold onto the feeling

I am going day by day
acting like every day is a normal day
while my feelings grow

eventually it will be too much
and I reach the breaking point

with everything that is happening
I know that I just need to wait
but I can't wait
I need to do something...anything to make things better for me
but what can I do?

I am feeling better
everything is over and done
but am I over it?

when you are near
I find it hard not to look at you
and your beauty

when I think of you
it's hard not to imagine
a perfect moment with you

so am I over it?
or am I back at square one?

don't dwell on the past
or worry about the future
focus on the urgency of now
focus on today
because it may be gone tomorrow

everyone is searching for the same thing
shrouded in darkness

everyone going different paths
through false roads and twisted trails

I wish I could stop stumbling in the dark
but I'm stuck like everyone else

what do I want most?
all I want is to be with someone

someone who I can lie next to
and confess what is my heart

someone who I can love without worry
someone who I can share my feelings with

someone that will understand me
someone I can care about

Thank you
for everything you have done to help me

without you
I would be lost and confused

Thank you
for listening to my problems
and understanding my feelings

Thank you
for never being angry
even when my feelings reached for you

Thank you
for helping me when I needed it most

for the first time in a long time
I don't feel worried

but all that can change
*in an instant

I have no more secrets to hide
a weight is lifted

I expected despair and heartbreak
but those feelings never came

now that I have nothing left to hide
I feel free

If I tell her I had a crush on her
what would happen?

will it be quick and easy?
with no harm done?

or will I lose a friend
that I cannot live without?

I feel like I am caught in a high tree
far away from reality

I want to come down
I want to join the others

but I can only watch
as the moments fly by

how did I get up here?
and more importantly,
how do I get down?

I am traveling through a land
of secrets and hidden feelings

the road I walk is dark and silent
and I can't see the end

nothing is going up
only down

no one is happy
only heartbroken

nothing is coming together
everything is falling apart

nothing is right
everything is going wrong

I don't know where to go

there are many paths ahead of me
in a mix of confusion and colliding feelings

I guess I'll just stand still
where I know it's safe

even though I've been through this before
this time is even worse
because I already know what your answer is

one dilemma after another
and no end in sight

everything that is happening
is just too much

I thought it was over
the day I fell in love
all those days my feelings grew
the day I was crushed

I thought it was over
but it's happening again

part of me dwells on my first crush
and the other part focuses on another
but she is just as hopeless as the first
that's just my luck I guess

when you fall for someone
just beware
of all those angles
with their wings glued on

when you are thinking one day,
when you have that epiphany moment,
when you smile for the first time in a long time,
when you click "save poem"

that is how you will know that you are over it

to soar above the stars
or fall into the abyss
all it takes is one person

with all the sadness around me
with so many broken hearts
my resolution is to make things better

somehow

it's a vicious cycle:

discovering your crush,
hoping to be together,
finally talking to him/her,
realizing that he/she is not who they seem,
heartbreak

and it always starts with one person
                                                                                                                                 **but can it be broken?

when you say that you and him are not going well
the Hyde part of me says: "good"

but the rest of me is shocked
how is this good for anyone?

often I wonder
what kind of person am I?

people say only I can find the answer
but can I trust my biased opinion?

is who I think I am
really who I am?

spades bear a pointed edge
and clubs are weapons of war
while many chase after diamonds
I search for my queen of hearts

am I feeling better?
I think so
thing are starting to be calm

when I think of you
and get that gut-wrenching feeling
it no longer bothers me

even though I still like you
and care about you
you no longer hurt me

what are tears?
A sign of weakness?

no
not to me

to me, tears are proof of genuine feeling
that you care for something you lost

I am not ashamed to cry

This time I need to know
I really must be told
If it's over

It's up to you you know
The things you want to hold
Are in pieces

Crashing down
Crashing down again

Crashing down
Crashing down my friends

I've got to move it on
I've got to sing my song
While I still can

Dispatch the last alarms
Hand out the last few charms
There's no surprises

Only love
Only love can win

Crashing down
Crashing down again

Only love
Yeah only love will win

Crashing down
Crashing down again

This time I need to know
I really must be told
That it's over

I've lived my life alone
My every step foretold
To never linger

And yet it haunts me so
What are we letting go
Our spell is broken

Crashing down
Crashing down my friends

Crashing down
Crashing down again

Only love
Yeah only love
Will be enough
Yeah only love will win

For every chemical
You trade a piece of your soul
With no return

And who you think you know
Doesn't know you at all
Their drain is needless

Someday we'll wave hello
And wish we'd never waved goodbye
To this romance

We'll drink up every line
And shoot up every word
Till there's no more

Crashing down
Crashing down my friends

Only love
Only love can win

So cry these tears we'll cry as all
We've held so long to fall apart
As the curtain falls we bid you all goodnight

even though I'm in a slump
I just want to tell you
it's not your fault

it's not your fault I came to you
it's not your fault you are heartbroken
it's not your fault you crushed me

in the middle of all that is happening
whenever I take a step back and look
is this really happening to me?

it just seems too soon
I never thought this would be happening to me
I am tangled in the cruel web of love

part of me
the part I trust
says I have a chance

but the other part
the rational side
says I don't

am I hopeful?
or am I in denial?

every time I see you
I'm torn on the inside

I wish I could just get in a rocket
and fly away

love can mend your life
give you the will go on
make everything seem better

but love can break your heart
plunging you into despair
leaving something missing

I need to forget
I need to stop thinking about her
but I can't

she is in my dreams now
I see her every day
reminders are everywhere

when I think about her, I only get worse
my heart is a dam ready to burst

good moments gone
bad times thrive
a true love lost
we all fall to despair

why do we learn history?
so we don't repeat mistakes others have made?

that didn't work.

history repeated itself.
and now more are dead.