when we met, your eyes hardly met mine
and when they did, you quickly looked away
you made me want to know why
why didn't you talk, why didn't you just
take a deep breath
relax
just, talk to me
i'm nothing to be afraid of,
what's going on in that
fascinating mind of yours?
what do you think of me, of her, of them?
what keeps you awake at night, tossing and turning and
i wanted you to
let me in.

and of course, you did
and i did what i do best,
i got you to love me
but
it really wasn't me that you loved
it was this girl
who listened to you, and kissed you
and held your hand in front of your friends
we went ice skating and watched the superbowl
you made me a card for christmas and
kissed my cheek because you were too shy
to kiss my lips

but then you started to change.

it would happen at random moments,
but i started to really see
how when i wanted to show you my favorite movie
you rolled your eyes and said
"but i just wanna talk to you
spend time with you
i love you"
as your fingers brushed the hem of my shirt and you
leaned in to kiss me
but it wasn't sweet like before it was
purposeful and i
stopped seeing the boy who loved history, and who loved me, my thoughts, my words,
and i started seeing the boy who liked it better when i stopped talking
so he could touch the parts of me that he really loved

i remember when you got me flowers that i kept for so long
i gave them water and smelled them every day
and when they died
when winter turned to spring
i kept them anyway
i never threw them away
those dead, brown roses