I'm not the type of girl
Who flirts to get out of things
Who fawns all over you.
I'm not the girl
To get dressed up
And put on a mask of makeup.
I'm not the one
Who wears her heart on her sleeve
Or pours her emotions out for all to see.
I'm not the girly girl
Into the latest fashion
Or the new trends.
I'm not the one
To get all pretty just for you.

I'm the girl
Who plays tough.
Dirt and grime never bothered me.
I'm the one
To play with the guys
In sports and games.
I'll beat you in your favorite video game
As we eat the fattiest foods.
I'm the tomboy
Who loves to just be comfortable.
I bottle up my emotions
Hiding from them behind a wall.
My exterior is just a facade
Of strength and toughness
Held up by sheer will.

I'm not going to change.
I love me for me
But I hope that you can see
Past the mask that covers my interior.
The passion that hides behind the fence
Waiting to be found.
The romantic who needs a push,
A sign to know it's real.
A nudge in the right direction
Is all you need to give.

Showing me you care
And telling me are two different things.
I'm not the girl who reads up on relationships
Trying to decipher the meaning
Behind every word,
Every movement,
Every little thing.
Instead, I'm the one to take it at face value.
Don't play games with me
Just make it clear as day.
Are you here to stay?
Or are you here to play?

If you're here to stay
Then just let me know.
I can't stand these mixed signals
Hovering between just friends
And something more.
If you're here to play
Then I need to know.
I don't like these games
Of cat and mouse.
I can't stand the doubt
Which plagues my mind.

To me you're more than just a friend.
We've been dancing for 6 months
Between the two stages.
Each time I think I know what's going on
Something you do turns me around.
This dance is getting old
And I'm getting scared.
The more time we spend together
The more attached I grow.
But I'm afraid that I have no right to you,
Because you seem to keep changing your mind.

I'm not a girly girl
I'm not the one to open up easily.
But you're growing on me
And I feel a desire to tell you everything.
But I'm afraid that you'll leave,
Just like everyone else had.
I've been through too much
To wear my heart on my sleeve.
I've grown tough even as I hide.
My emotions squeezed and confined
Want to burst forth when you're around.
I don't know how to tell you this
Maybe I should let you read instead
All my words and poems.

It's been two years
But still the thoughts run through my mind
Never the whole thing
But bits and pieces
Here and there.

I've repressed the memory of you.
The feel of you against me.
The way you talked to me.
The sound of your voice.
The things we talked about.

I push away from the thoughts
Of what happened that night.
I can see clearly what happened in the end.
But everything from the beginning is gone.
I've pushed you out
From the darkest recesses of my mind.

I don't want to remember
How you treated me.
What you tried to force me to do.
You coaxing didn't work
So you tried being obvious.
That didn't work either.
Finally you tried by force.
By the mercy of my guardian angel
I was stronger than you and pushed you away.

Not only have I repressed
The memory of you
And all that happened that night,
I no longer remember your name.
I can't even recall the way you look.
I thank my angel every night
For watching over me
And slowly drawing you
Completely from my mind

I want to hear your voice
Chime through my ears once more.
Not just the echo
Ringing through my mind.

I don't like this feeling
Of not knowing what to say to you.
I used to be so confident
But our words unspoken
Linger between us.

I don't know how to talk to you
Maybe I should just write instead.
My words have always come out better
When they've been written down
Instead of spoken.

I don't know what you'll think
If I handed you my stack of words
All written about you.
I want to do it;
Have you read them
You said that you wanted to.

I don't think I have the courage to do so
But I have a feeling that I should.
Please tell me you'll actually read them
Please tell me you won't stop
Not until you reach the end.