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she breaks the bread of her mind
and hand feeds it to her child
its young eyes look at her with
questions unanswerable

the bitter food of her deviant thought
helps sculpt its newborn mind
to the tattered doctrines of her own dark past
to the illness that her heart breeds
this should not be....should not be

years unfold like the passing clouds
silent spectators of the hidden things
that were behind that door
behind the closed shades of that home
the child did not grow
only festered like the weeping of an open wound
this should not be...what is to be done...who will stop this

the worlds days flutter past
the windows without pause
to their endless flight

as the child now sits alone with its tainted self
in the thick air of its room
listening to the sounds of angers in
another world across the hall
a world it cannot understand
a world that should be filled with loves but is only a battlefield

as we see this child now in our hearts eye
we too cry out with
what dark things our empathy beholds
feel helpless in the face of such

as we see this child in our hearts eye
it reaches down and breaks the bitter bread of its mind
and hand feeds it to the plastic doll that it calls
child
At 14 I was sent to the hospital twice because
I was hallucinating which is a fancy way of saying
hey, you’re batshit crazy so we’re going to pump you full of medication

Turns out all of the walls I had been seeing crashing down
and the fires that were never there
were always just a side effect of my depression medication
because I was on too high of a dose for my weight

And I told my ex-boyfriend this when I was 16
and now, 8 months later he is telling everyone I am schizophrenic

like baby there’s a lot of things I am but that’s not one of them

Like there’s a lot of things you are
but a good person was never something I would use to describe you

you're more of a waste of space
and I really wish you had never left Chicago

I wish I never even met you

I wish I hadn’t been so desperate for the way you moved
your thin body like a train down the rails

I wish I had never agreed to play with your hair in class
or sat in your lap with your arms around me tight

or caught sight of you in my eyes
like a glare through a window there was nothing else
The old never learn from their mistakes
The young are busy making theirs
Growing up
Growing old
We'll never learn will we
I don't like winter because the sky feels foreign
Sharp and far away
In the warm months I acknowledge the edges of infinity
And I can run my fingers through the velvet night with ease
I am small and my potential knows no limits
But now
In the cold of winter
The thick of white depression
I am so fragile
Brittle and afraid
To do so much as lift my head
Rip my eyes from the frozen earth to see
The stars that set me free
you grew hard in my hands

                   and I fell hard to my knees.
well then....

— The End —