At 14 I was sent to the hospital twice because
I was hallucinating which is a fancy way of saying
hey, you’re batshit crazy so we’re going to pump you full of medication
Turns out all of the walls I had been seeing crashing down
and the fires that were never there
were always just a side effect of my depression medication
because I was on too high of a dose for my weight
And I told my ex-boyfriend this when I was 16
and now, 8 months later he is telling everyone I am schizophrenic
like baby there’s a lot of things I am but that’s not one of them
Like there’s a lot of things you are
but a good person was never something I would use to describe you
you're more of a waste of space
and I really wish you had never left Chicago
I wish I never even met you
I wish I hadn’t been so desperate for the way you moved
your thin body like a train down the rails
I wish I had never agreed to play with your hair in class
or sat in your lap with your arms around me tight
or caught sight of you in my eyes
like a glare through a window there was nothing else