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Desert Rose Jul 2013
Being famous is
Someone else’s game
Some random person’s skewed idea of a “Perfect reality”
Where everyone is “popular”
Because the world is always watching
Every little thing you do

In the world of fame
Everyone is in the spotlight
Being admired by
People all around the world and
Nothing you do is
Allowed to be private

Lots of people would love to
Live that kind of lifestyle
It seems so simple
So easy to get everything you want

Normal people see through the façade
They don’t want that life
Who really wants to be stalked
By crazy fans with cameras Who call themselves paparazzi?
No sane person wants
Everyone to know their every move
Every mistake they’ve made
How every relationship turns out

Being famous means
Exposing yourself to the world
Living life under a microscope
Like some lab rat
Desert Rose Jun 2016
Figuring out what
It all means
Family
Mine is torn to shreds
Mom is here
Dad is there
I'm somewhere in the middle

Pieces of me so many places
Mom takes the serious me
Dark secrets inside of me

Dad takes the chiller part of me
Go out have fun
Not take on the
Weight of the world

Together they made me whole
As they drift,
So do I
Ever deeper into the unknown

But lately it's just me
Working around the broken pieces
Waiting for things to return

Now it's mom here
Dad there
And
I'm
Nowhere to be found

Family kept me together
But there's nothing left
Just pieces of
What used to be
Desert Rose Feb 2013
Falling outside of reality
Fighting my way through
Dark places of my insanity
Fighting to get back
Into the real world
Back outside the depths of my mind

No one’s waiting for me out there
I’ve pushed them all away
Pretending I didn’t care
Now that I‘m practically gone
Just fading away into yesterday
It’s hard not to wonder if
Anyone is out there
Waiting to tell you
Just how much they love you

Losing grip
Of what is real here
Don’t know how to get back
All I have here is me
I have to fight this fight
Break free of everything
Everything holding me back from
Being the strong, confident person I know
I’m supposed to be
Desert Rose Mar 2014
****** up and
Insecure because people are
Never
Ever nice
Desert Rose Feb 2013
Nothing is worth suffering for
Especially not this life
Especially not after all that you did to me
Those thing’s I’ll never be able to forget
Like the life I used to lead
That had to be left behind
No it’s not worth suffering for
At least not the way I suffer
How I try to make it better
Nothing is worth suffering for anymore

It’s not easy to leave things this way
With so much left unsaid
But if I’m going to survive
It’s better  for me if I leave
Before you really do break me
Into a shadow of who I used to be
So the way it is now
Is the way it’s going to have to stay
Unless time takes the pain away

There won’t be any goodbyes this time
Because there’s really nothing left
That I need to say
About what you did to me
All the pain that you caused
I was so young
There was nothing I could do to stop you
When you never felt the slightest bit of remorse
You didn’t care at all
How much you changed the colors of the universe

You know how I felt
You knew you hurt me
You never had the power  
To make me stay
We both knew this wasn’t going to last forever

What you did is not okay
What you did is never going away
What you did I will carry with me
Like the weight of the world resting on my shoulders
What you did will define the rest of my life
What you did is something I will always remember
No matter how hard I try to forget
But no matter how bad it is
I refuse to be a victim

What you did made me afraid of you
Afraid of all people
Darkened my view of everything
You decided to create scars all over my body
That I had long ago imprinted on
Even when I did nothing wrong
You liked to scream and yell all the time
Yet your words weren’t your greatest weapon
Your words never hurt as much as your arms
When they repeatedly made those black and blue scars
That may heal on my body
Won’t ever heal from my brain

Nothing you did hurt as much as when you didn’t listen to me
When you wouldn’t listen when I said no
You had so much power
You were so much stronger
Nothing will ever be as painful as when you went down under
You crossed a line, crossed a boundary
Went a little too far
Took away the one special thing
Meant just for me
Took away an experience that was supposed to make me happy
Took away something special
That I was saving for a special somebody
You took away the one thing that was supposed to be MINE

You took away everything that was important to me
There’s nothing left of who I used to be
You changed me permanently
The damage you’ve done will never leave
I just really can’t believe
That I thought we were meant to be

All the scars are never going away
What you did is forever here to stay
In my heart
Those scars aren’t ever going to fade away


My heart is ruined
I’ve lost all hope
I’m not okay
But somehow you’re perfectly all right
All I can ask is now that I know you’re gone forever
Will that make me feel even a little bit better
Desert Rose Feb 2013
No one ever said
Forever would be easy
Past infidelities and abuse
They still carry around
Ghosts that still haunt them
While you still have your
Self doubt, anxiety, depression
Hidden away in those dark places of
Who you are and used to be

You accept their
Paranoid nail-biting nervous hair twirling
Impulsive pen tapping incessant gum popping
Greed indecision pride, nosiness, sarcasm
Deal with their
Stubborn, psychotic, drama queen
Multiple personality moments
Which are less than desirable
Parts you wish
Weren’t always there

Like when they’re sobbing so loud
It’s impossible to hear them
Or they get so scared
You have to talk them down Off the ledge
Backed so far into a corner
All they feel is the pain inside
They’re so weak
You have to hold them up
Support their weight
While the universe
Crumbles around them
When tricks become the truth
Mistakes that still remind us of forever

Still, most of love is in the fights
Arguments on the edge of rational
Cement your relationship in place
That prove being together is
Worth the pain

Sometimes small arguments
Like where to go or who pays for what
When you go out
Turns into a fight where
The tiger tears open a new wound, roars
MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!
Someone’s face turns into a ripe tomato
That needs to be picked
Smashed against the wall
Juicy pulp and seed
Splattering everywhere

Still, the black rose blooms
From the same seed
Scraped from the wall
Where it grows into a beautiful flower
That only guarantees
With a little care it can last
Forever, still
Desert Rose Jul 2013
In the black of night
As hell races on
Youre the first thing
On my fragile heart

This is for you
The one who saved me
I love what youve done
How you make me
Fall in love
all over again
Desert Rose Nov 2015
My skin color
Doesn't make me free
You can't assume because
Someone looks white
They are treated equally

Being white doesn't
Make me privileged
I worked hard to get
To where I am

I am not as "white" as I look
I am Hispanic
Which means that
Behind the scenes my
Family is not as
Well put together
As we may look

My parents are divorced
We're not poor but
They're struggling to
Get their kids a college education

I am a female
I didn't always have the
Rights I do now
For many years
My kind couldn't vote

For many years
Women were forced
Into a gender role
Being a female
Doesn't mean I'm weak

I am not straight
But also not a lesbian
Until this year
I didn't have the luxury of
Getting married to
Who I wanted where I wanted

People still don't understand
They think I'm confused
I can pray it away
You know what
Not even your
Backhanded religion
Can save me

I am not even
Safe in my own mind
There is a
Constant war
My depression and anxiety
Is eating away at me

You look at me
You see white
My people
We have
Always had to fight
Desert Rose Nov 2015
To the people who say gay is a choice
Who make fun of people who are gay
Ignore them, push them into lockers bully them
To the ones who **** them ****** them
You should do it: you should all be gay
I mean you can choose that right?
All the pain and humiliation you caused someone else
The days spent crying hiding who you are
Like they wanted someone to point out it was different
Say who they are is wrong
They chose that life
So why don't you just try
Desert Rose Oct 2016
Even on "good days" im still haunted
By the memories of the past
Creepy crawling up my back
I can hear their voices taunting me
Feel their faces close to me
People who hurt me
Still in the back of my memories

Even on good days
I am ****** into darkness
A void that never quite leaves
Whose grip refuses to release me

Even on good days
I cant help the
Wandering  thoughts
Drifting into self mutilation
I'm never going to be good enough

Even on good days
Im not convinced theres hope
No permanent change
No future worth fighting for

Even on good days i am
Surrounded by the poison
That clouds my mind
Yet somehow I stay here
Somehow I'm alive
Desert Rose May 2015
Half of my heart is broken

Shattered into pieces

Thrown across the floor

Half of my heart is empty

Trying to find something

Concrete to hold onto

Half of my heart is confused

Trying to figure out the truth

Even with all the lies

Half of my heart

Is still in love with you
Desert Rose Apr 2014
I just wanna feel
Happy for once
Instead of this sadness
That consumes me
Why is it so hard
To find somebody
Who accepts me
Who makes me happy
Desert Rose Nov 2015
I never knew how bad
Love could actually be
How love could be the
Best thing ever
Yet your love
Destroyed me left me
Wrecked and alone
Forced to Pick up the pieces
Like moving on was an option

People sugarcoat love
Tell you all the good things
Like how you will feel
Butterflies every time they're around
Their smile lights up a room
How everything feels
Better when they're around

With you I felt
Safe enough to
Let down my walls
Let you in
I felt not alone
Like even though
I didn't belong you
Created a place
Where I almost belonged

You knew
Everything about me
From my favorite color
You knew I had two
Black and blue
To calming my nerves
How to deal with my insecurities
Yet you made me feel like
Everything I hated about
Myself was perfect

As a kid I knew about
Deaths and breakups
I never knew death
Would be the
Cause of our breakup
Your life taken
Way too soon

Would a breakup have
Been any easier
Breaking up means
You don't love me anymore
Death means there was
Still love there

You didn't
Choose to leave
I wonder if you had the chance
Would you have stayed

I still love you
Constantly reminded of
You and I wonder
If I'll ever find someone
Like you
Desert Rose Sep 2015
Most peoples heart
Break
Maybe even they
Shatter
But mine has
Crumbled

My heart has
Fought a
Losing battle for too long
Has no will to go on
For reasons I will never understand
I am still here

Does the one
Who broke me
Really think they can
Piece my heart back to
Its shattered form
Desert Rose Aug 2012
It's storming, and your house is on fire
The power's gone out
The devil's at your door
Could you ask for anything more

Yet that was all
Your lovely imagination
What's going on here
Is much worse

Your parents are yelling
Dad's drunk
He lost his job
Taking all his anger out on mom

Mom's shaking
Too weak to fight back
Worst part is
You're watching this scene unfold
Wishing you had a way out
Desert Rose Jan 2013
Help me
Save me
Get me out of here

I can't take it anymore

All these voices inside my head
Are lessening my resolve

I want to hurt myself
I'm going to hurt myself
Would someone just
Understand me please
Desert Rose Jan 2013
Help me
Save me
Get me out of here

I can't take it anymore

All these voices inside my head
Are lessening my resolve

I want to hurt myself
I'm going to hurt myself
Would someone just
Understand me please
Desert Rose Aug 2013
Tears silently stream down her face
As she takes the razor out
Slices down her thin skin
She slashes down
One, two, three
Ten times

She goes to the corner
Sits alone
Lays her head against the wall
Curls up into a ball


Home alone
Making friends with the wall

Suddenly the bell rings
Her best friend shows up
Ice cream in hand
Waiting to see the
Scars on her best friend
Desert Rose Apr 2014
He's
Dreamy and
Everything I want
Really sweet
Enter me
Content with
Knowing I'll never have him
Desert Rose Apr 2014
Happy times where
One is safe and sound
Money is good; the
End of the school day
Desert Rose Nov 2015
I once told my mom
I wanted to be a boy
She, of course
Thought it was a joke
Because how could my
Feelings possibly be legitimate

She was like
Just because you don't
Like having *****
Doesn't make you a boy
(Mom, I don't like
"girl parts" or "boy parts"
Human anatomy is plain gross)

How about the fact that
I identify with nothing "girly"
I don't like makeup, dresses,
Never played with dolls or
Anything of that nature

I hate the color pink
I hate butterflies and rainbows

I hate this
Having to pretend
I'm someone I'm not

I never look presentable
I don't like to shave
Would rather not
Have to brush my hair

I don't even like girls clothes
I'd rather go in the boy section
Wear cologne instead of perfume
So much inside me
Screams
YOU'RE NOT A GIRL
Maybe I'm not
I don't feel like a boy either
Desert Rose Apr 2014
hell
opens
People to
everyone's truth
Desert Rose Nov 2015
I am not the person who
Will break up with you
Tell you you're not good enough
Give up when things get tough

Nor will I lie to
Spare your feelings or mine
If I didn't say I love you
I didn't mean it at the time

I will put in the effort
All the time
No matter how hard it is for me to
Deal with the constant battle
Raging in my head

I am not going to be okay
As much as you want me to be
I'll tell you I'm fine
Lie just to make you happy

I will fight to then end
After you have given up
But when I finally give up on you
Say how I feel
I become selfish

Somehow trying to
Escape this torment
Being alone in a relationship
Putting in the effort
Telling you I love you
(yes I still do)

You pushed me so far
Wanted me to leave
When I tried to go
You were the one who
Told me not to go

Trying to leave
Do it the right way
So I wouldn't get hurt
Not having the nerve
To walk out
Knowing it would hurt you

Lost, confused, hurt
Yet still here, with you
How did you
Get me to stay?
After all
You were the one that
Pushed me away
Desert Rose Oct 2015
Feeling my heart go up in flames
Can't hold in all this pain
Burning soul lost all hope
Clawing for something to hold onto

Heart of ice grown so cold
Iced out forever
Frozen down to the core

One moment hot next he's cold
Love then hate
Fire then ice

Driving me crazy
With his vices
Love or hate
Who is he to me
Lots of stuff on my mind.
Desert Rose Apr 2013
How easy it was for him to fall for me
How easy it was for me to get attached
Put my faith and trust in him
End up falling in love with him
How easy it was for him to hurt me
Turn away and forget all about me


Yet how hard it was
For him to stay in love
Get a ring or go
Down on one knee
At the very least
Prove he loved me
Desert Rose Apr 2013
I'm in pain and I'm hurt
You said you would always be there
You'd love me forever
Be there for me and care
Never leave me
That was a bunch of *******

You hurt me beyond repair
I can't believe it
I'm so stupid
To have the nerve to
Believe
ANYONE
Could actually care

You said forever
You said I love you
Why all the lies

You hit me
Below the belt
Ya know what
I'm in pain and
I'M HURT
Desert Rose Nov 2016
Does that make him
Strong
In your eyes?

His facade is
All you want to see
No matter the pain and
How much he dies inside
Trying to hold it together

He has too many
Questions
He wonders
Why
Why must I hide my tears?
Why do they make me weak?
Why can’t I just cry?
Why. Why. Why.
Nobody dares answer

He feels like some
Emotionless freak
A robot who will die
With these volts of electricity
But he must hold back
Conform to
Society’s standards of
Strength for men

Just because you never
See his tears
Or glimmers
Staining his cheeks
Doesn’t make them any less real

One day soon
They will all fall down
Drowning him
Those feelings he hid
Bubbling up to the surface
Shattering every expectation
You gave him
Desert Rose Jan 2013
If you really cared about me
You'd be here for me
Now
When I'm breaking
Crying
Trying to fight off
Memories that hurt so bad
I might as well be dead

If you cared
You'd know
How scared I was
That I'm hurt

You say you care
You don't
I need you
NOW
Guess what?
YOU'RE NOT HERE
Please I need you
Desert Rose Jan 2013
You did something worse
Than causing these
Black and blue bruises to
Appear over my body

Worse than taking
My innocence away
At this point I wish
You would've popped my cherry
That wouldn't be as bad

You know what you did
This thing that was so bad
Worse than defiling
My fragile human body

You took away the
Three words that meant the world to me

Threw I love you in my face
Like it was a weapon
You win
You've taken my
HEART
Away from me

Goodbye will never
Be able to rid my mind
Of this terrible travesty
Desert Rose May 2014
I'm sorry that I'm
Not good enough
That I'm not
Who you want me to be

I'm sorry that
I'm not strong enough
To carry the weight
Of the world
On my shoulders

I'm sorry I'm weak

I'm sorry I'm broken
That there's nothing left
Inside of me
I'm sorry I'm me
Desert Rose Mar 2013
I'm the Girl
That will love you
Despite your flaws
Be there for you
Whether you're up or down

I will
Be there for you
Accept your insanity
Love you for
Who you are
I'm the girl
That will randomly tell you
That you're beautiful...
Just because you are

I'm the girl
That will be there for you
No matter what
Even if I'm giving up on myself
If you need me
I'm here to help

I am that girl
Who's a bit too
INSECURE
Maybe I'm
NAIVE
I am THAT girl
That girl is me
Desert Rose Nov 2015
When I was younger
You could either be
Straight, gay or lesbian

Bisexual existed
But that usually
Translated to
"You're confused"
"It's just a phase"
"Experimentation is okay"

Anything other than
Straight or lesbian
Seemed like a taboo

I am not straight
I am not a lesbian
I am stuck
Here in the
Land of the inbetween
Desert Rose Nov 2015
As a writer
I do tend to
Draw inspiration
From my real life

I also get inspired
From other writers
Even just the
World around me

Don't think
Every word
Every thought
Every image is about you

There are secrets untold
Messages hidden
Deep inside my brain
Words, thoughts of my own
Locked inside left untold
Desert Rose Jul 2013
You’re gone
So I guess it’s time to say goodbye
And it’s wrong that you’re not standing here
By my side
Forever is too long to wait to see you again
I can’t let go of you or the memories my friend

It’s been too long
Still can’t let you go
I still remember pouring my heart out to you
Telling you every little thing
You would always listen to me
And I always knew you weren’t judging me
What am I supposed to do now
Without you I don’t know who to be
Time still hasn’t healed the wound that you left in my heart

Goodbye isn’t an easy thing to say
Not sure if I’m ready to do that just yet
Maybe it’ll happen another day
Wish it didn’t have to happen like this
This is not the way I wanted to say goodbye
I hope that wherever you are, you’re okay
And not having to struggle to make it through each and every day
Maybe it’s just me
I’m not sure if saying goodbye is going to be okay

Is it finally time to move on
Or is it okay that I refuse to forget you
I need someone to help get me through
Or at least tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do
Desert Rose Apr 2014
I think I like him
What do I know
It could be just a crush
Will these feelings grow?

Just a crush
At least so far
Is it more
Could this be love
Could it be
He is the one

Thinking of him
Puts butterflies in my stomach
Talking to him
Gets me all jittery

He's so sweet
And strong
And nice to me
I have a crush
Could it be
Desert Rose Aug 2013
Never felt this way before
when you leave
You take my heart with you

I swear to all the gods
You are my everything
Heart and soul
You put me back together
Remind me of who I am

Lonely no more
Always on my mind
Forever in my heart

Forever might be long
It won't be easy
Together we can make it through
Baby forever is me and you
Desert Rose Apr 2014
Eat me alive
Chew up my bones
Spit me out
Throw me away

Take what's left
My soul and spirit
Everything I have
Is now yours
Desert Rose Mar 2013
I just want to get out here
Change my mind
Be someone else
Know what it's like to be normal
Not be stuck like this...

Death would be okay
At this point
Drunk, high anything
Would make me feel better

I wish you could help
Bring me back to this earth
Instead of my mind
Dragging me to hell
Desert Rose May 2013
I wish you'd all let me go
Be free of all this pain
Because everywhere I turn
I'm the reason someone else is hurting

I want pain, to hurt
Bring the blade upon my
Fresh weak skin

I wish you'd let me go
Get rid of those soft
Fragile strings to a
Broken human being

Takes a gun out
Aimed at my head
Tries to shoot myself
Kills the world instead
Desert Rose May 2013
I wish you'd all let me go
Be free of all this pain
Because everywhere I turn
I'm the reason someone else is hurting

I want pain, to hurt
Bring the blade upon my
Fresh weak skin

I wish you'd let me go
Get rid of those soft
Fragile strings to a
Broken human being

Takes a gun out
Aimed at my head
Tries to shoot myself
Kills the world instead
Desert Rose Apr 2014
I love you
You love me
Simple as that
So why can't we
Just be happy
Desert Rose Apr 2014
Maybe I like him
Yeah it's true
I like this boy

I wish I had
The courage to
Go up and say
I like you boy
Do you like me too

Him and me
Aren't the perfect match
Not a good couple
That tears my heart in two

No matter how much
I want it to work out
He will always be
Too good for me
Desert Rose Apr 2015
I'm that girl
Just a friend
But did you know
Those few words
Would be my end
Desert Rose Jan 2013
Are we friends?
More than that?
I don't know
Dude-
This is your call

So make your choice
Friends
Best friends
Dating

I'd rather be friends
Just friends
Having a boyfriend is
Too much for me


Just friends is
Fine with me
Just one thing
Don't hurt me-
AGAIN
Should I edit this? Is it good as is?
Likes... comments
Desert Rose Apr 2014
Just the two us
Together forever
Basking in our love

We could do anything
Go anywhere we want
And still, we'd have fun

At the beach
At the park
In the woods
Or the pool

Anywhere we are
Is the place to be
Because there's
No one better
Than you and me
Desert Rose Jul 2012
You snake
I really trusted you
Venomous lies
Dripped from your tongue
Burnt acid into my ears

You bit me once
Then I was hooked
In love with the
Idea  someone like you noticed me

Somehow I broke free
No longer bound by
Chains of your love
Realizing I always knew
You were never any good for me
Desert Rose Dec 2016
Venomous lies
Drip through my ears
Reverberate in my skull
Reminding me of who
YOU
Really are

Scars litter my mind
While yours is clear
No shame, no doubt no fear
What we had was a joke
Stringing me along
Until you were done

Your heart is stone
Toying with everyone’s emotions
Acting on instinct
Never looking back

I gave you so
Much of me
Did you even care?
Was any word or emotion real
Or was it a facade
To build US up
So you could
Break ME down?

I can’t remember now
Why I trusted you for so long
Unanswered questions will
Forever linger

I am
Stronger
Now than I was before
I won’t be broken by the
Memories you left anymore
A long time ago (2012) I wrote a poem and this is an edited version. Making this separate because I still like the old one, but what do you think of this?
Desert Rose Sep 2015
Growing up
Going to school
Making friends

Get to high school
Make the grade
For a good future

Go to college to
Get a degree
Find a job

Never knowing what's real
Just moving along
Because that's what society wants
Desert Rose Oct 2015
Wings broken
Grounded to the Earth
Staying here
Even though I know
I'd find happiness elsewhere

Fly away fly away
Find a place
Called home to stay

Little bird
Once you grow up
You'll take your wings
Fly somewhere safe to stay
Desert Rose Jun 2015
Little pieces of my heart
Scattered on the ground

Little fragments my soul
Etched into the clouds

Little ties of the past
Forge my reality

Part of me is bound
To the present

While my truth
Lies in the future
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