Take the pieces
Of this broken heart
Take some glue and
Try to put it back together

Still broken
Just patched up
The pieces of me
Scattered everywhere

No one knows
Quite how it feels
To be so broken

They can try
To understand
They'll never know
How to make this heart
Fall in love again

You know
You know
It's more than just a crush
You know
You know
This is more than love
You know
You know
That you could be the one
For me

Baby you are the only one
Who makes my heart beat fast
Whose love will last
You give me shivers
Up my spine
The only thing that
Occupies my mind

You're the one keeping me alive
Knowing I have you
Makes me less afraid to die

I really like him
More than just a crush
What do I say?
What do I do?
Should I go up and
Tell him the truth?

What if he doesn't like me
Maybe he'll hate
For having these feelings

Without the fear
It's easy to think
What if he likes me too

Dearest Spencer
You were the one thing
That made me feel
With you I was
Happy,
I was somebody
Now I'm nothing

Nothing is the same
Without you here
I need you now
To keep me here
On this planet
In this world
I need you now
Stay with me forever

Waiting for class to start
Is way too boring
Sitting in a silent room
Full of anxious teenagers
Yeah sounds like fun
Too bad for me
I don't have the option
To get up and run

Words
What do they mean?
Who do they benefit?
My words never
Come in my favor

I say something
It gets twisted
I speak my mind
I get shut down
I don't speak up
I'm hiding something


Maybe once I stop
Stop opening up
Stop talking
Maybe that's when
You'll finally learn
How to listen

Dear muse
I didnt really
Believe
In love before you
Proved me wrong

We were right together
Just us separate
From the world around us
Me and you
We had forever

Its not all
Hateful animosity
Its more like
Confusion and
Regrets
Eating away at me

What changed?
Did it mean
Anything to you?
Was this all
In my head?

Dear muse
I just want
Answers to
Move on and be
Happy
Stop blaming myself
For your actions

six feet
Under
Isn't all it's
Cracked up to be
Death won't
Ever call to me

My momma always told me
Never to believe in love

I learned for myself
That love isn't real

People just use you
Always want something from you'

It's hard to believe
I'll ever find someone
Who truly cares for me

Take me in and hold me tight,
Let me stay with you through this endless night,
Don’t wanna leave; go away
Wanna sprout wings and fly away, just so long as you’re here to stay
Just wanna be around to here you say it’s gonna be alright it’s gonna be okay
Please I’ll do anything just let me stay
Hold me in your arms I promise you that I’ll never run away
Take me in and hold me tight,
Let me stay with you through this endless night,
Don’t wanna leave; go away
Wanna sprout wings and fly away, just so long as you’re here to stay
Trust in me and I’ll trust you,
I’ll do whatever you want me to
Never stray I know we’ll be okay

I want to cry
I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

I feel like cutting
I crave the blood and the pain
I want to see it fall down my arm
If only I had a blade and a way to
Cover up my scars

I feel like purging
I'm too fat and ugly
To be part of this world

I can't stop the pain
Can't hold on to life anymore
Maybe it's time for me
To just let go
Everyone would be
Better off without me

Can't you see all I'm doing
Is hiding behind these lies
I'm broken down
Can't fight back
All these demons inside

I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

The truth leads to
Horrible things
So maybe I should
Just lie next time

Dear self,
You were so collected
For a really long time
But you have just disconnected
From reality
Hell that courses through your veins is
Bubbling up inside of you
Threatening to pour out and
Ruin the picture you've created

You're slipping
I can feel
Shadows of darkness
Poking holes into you

First thoughts:
"Why am I here?"
"I can't do this"
"I wish I had a blade"
"I want it to end"

But somehow
Those dark thoughts
While taking over
Don't totally ruin me

Self,
You are here.
You are clean.
You can do it.
​​​​​​​

19 years of
Thinking it's okay
My parents are happy
They'll always be together

Now they're not
THings have changed
They're divorcing
I have to pretend it's okay

Dear muse
Are you proud of
How much you hurt me?
I've never wrote to anyone
As much as I have
About you

Is it good? or bad?
That you left me so broken

I'm still waiting
For it to get better
One week later and
Still...
Beating myself up over you

Dear muse
Will this pain ever go away?

Dear muse
Too often you
Have ruled my mind
A sacred expanse
Overtaken by you
And that used to
Make me feel good

If anybody was
Going to
Invade my universe
Rule the kingdom
Control my soul
Im glad it was you

I wish it still was
You
Who made me feel
Like I was someone

Without you it
Barely feels like existing at all
Im here but
Life
Thats moving around me

Dear muse
I miss you and
Ill be here
If you're ever ready

I'm not broken
My hearts just shattered
Into a million little
Pieces of dust

Will you save me?
Put me back together
If there's anything left

My soul is still intact
There's hope
That there might be
Something left

Most peoples heart
Break
Maybe even they
Shatter
But mine has
Crumbled

My heart has
Fought a
Losing battle for too long
Has no will to go on
For reasons I will never understand
I am still here

Does the one
Who broke me
Really think they can
Piece my heart back to
Its shattered form

Dear muse
It feels like
Im writing you a book
Coming out in
Fragmented pieces

Maybe I would
Put all my
Hurt of you
In a story
If I could

Honestly these
Jumbled Thoughts
Would be lost to the
Rest of the world

And oh muse
We would be one
Hell of an angelic duo
But you arent such an angel
For breaking the
Innocent

Half of my heart is broken

Shattered into pieces

Thrown across the floor

Half of my heart is empty

Trying to find something

Concrete to hold onto

Half of my heart is confused

Trying to figure out the truth

Even with all the lies

Half of my heart

Is still in love with you

I once told my mom
I wanted to be a boy
She, of course
Thought it was a joke
Because how could my
Feelings possibly be legitimate

She was like
Just because you don't
Like having *****
Doesn't make you a boy
(Mom, I don't like
"girl parts" or "boy parts"
Human anatomy is plain gross)

How about the fact that
I identify with nothing "girly"
I don't like makeup, dresses,
Never played with dolls or
Anything of that nature

I hate the color pink
I hate butterflies and rainbows

I hate this
Having to pretend
I'm someone I'm not

I never look presentable
I don't like to shave
Would rather not
Have to brush my hair

I don't even like girls clothes
I'd rather go in the boy section
Wear cologne instead of perfume
So much inside me
Screams
YOU'RE NOT A GIRL
Maybe I'm not
I don't feel like a boy either

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth

Nobody knows what it's like
Who I really am
Smiling and laughing
Wondering why I
Was even put here
I shouldn't be

People think I'm better
Just because I'm not
Talking about my depression
Just because I don't
Broadcast how ******
Every moment of every day is
Doesn't mean it's not there

You talk too little
There's something wrong
They want to know
What's inside your head
Don't be fooled
They're not
Really trying to save you

You talk too much
People get so
Tired of you
Your voice is a fly
Consistent and unwanted

All the time people ask
How are you?
How was your day?
Are you okay?
Not because they want to know
Asking is an obligation

I've learned to lie
Present the person
Everyone wants me to be

They don't know
Will never see the
Constant struggle
Figuring out
Who I want to be
While keeping up the charade

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth
The person I've created
She isn't me

I get all nervous
When he looks at me
I wonder of he likes me
When he walks by
My heart just flutters
When he smiles at me
I feel real it's
Almost like I'm happy
Maybe it's just me
But maybe he
Thinks of me too

Dear muse
Why wont you leave my
Mind like you left
Me alone in the dark

Its getting
Harder to keep
My thoughts im order
Without drifting back to you

I have so much to say
More to lose and i
Cant stop
Writing to you

You are everywhere
Except where
I need you to be

Dear muse
I hate needing you
Missing you and that
You left
Please
Find your way back

Dear muse

Dozen times Ive tried
Writing the pain away
Memory doesnt so
Easily fade

The thing is
I dont want to
Feel any of this
Not sad or angry or hurt

I dont know
How to make this
All better

Turn me back into a person
Not a shell
Struggling to
Define the worth of life

Dear muse
If I die now
I hope you feel
Enough to know
What we had was
Real to me

I'm dead and gone
So ready to die
dreaming of suicide
blades are my only friends
they make me happy
bring me to the end

My girl is such a beauty
What's more is she's so lovely
Forms a smile from a frown
Makes the world go
Round and round

My girl she's the one
Who makes me whole
Completes my world

Just the two us
Together forever
Basking in our love

We could do anything
Go anywhere we want
And still, we'd have fun

At the beach
At the park
In the woods
Or the pool

Anywhere we are
Is the place to be
Because there's
No one better
Than you and me

I'm falling in love
While my world is
Falling apart

When I was younger
You could either be
Straight, gay or lesbian

Bisexual existed
But that usually
Translated to
"You're confused"
"It's just a phase"
"Experimentation is okay"

Anything other than
Straight or lesbian
Seemed like a taboo

I am not straight
I am not a lesbian
I am stuck
Here in the
Land of the inbetween

Dear muse
I thought I was
Closer to
Being over you
Man do I wish
That was true

This morning i cried
Again over you
Feeling so much hurt
Yet all it felt was empty

You were
Everything to me
Still are and I am
Unsure of
What went wrong

Dear muse
I miss you
I love you
Why
Why dont you
Feel it too?

Your words they bite
Like venom from a snake
Inserting themselves
Right into my veins

They flow right through me
Move to the rhythm of the beat
Causing me to act on impulse
Change who I am
Heed the call of the wild
Just for you
To accept me

You don't know
No you don't care
What your words
Have done to me
Created the heartbeat
Dead inside of me

Do you see me-
I mean the real me
Not this image I
Half-heartedly portray myself to be

Do you know me
Anything about what’s inside
Or the pain I go through
Each and every day

Who do you think you are
To say you know me
When everything you see is a lie
The truth isn’t something you want to hear

Dear muse
I thought you
Were different
That you may
Keep your promises
Or actually stay

Who am I kidding?
You left like it
Was your job and I
Acted like that was okay

I feel so cliche
Missing you when
Lets face it
Whatever love you told me
Was a lie and

It makes no sense
Why did you have to lie?
Things coulda been different
At least I tried

Dear muse
I should have
Known better than to
Think you'd stay
Like an invitation to
Walk away

Maybe I like him
Yeah it's true
I like this boy

I wish I had
The courage to
Go up and say
I like you boy
Do you like me too

Him and me
Aren't the perfect match
Not a good couple
That tears my heart in two

No matter how much
I want it to work out
He will always be
Too good for me

Little pieces of my heart
Scattered on the ground

Little fragments my soul
Etched into the clouds

Little ties of the past
Forge my reality

Part of me is bound
To the present

While my truth
Lies in the future

Fighting this battle
All alone
No one's there to save me
From the demons
Crawling inside of me
Threatening to
Burst and make
Me implode

They are coming up
Beating me
Maybe this is
All my fault
That I'm too weak
To fight the demons off

All alone
With the demons
Wandering, wishing, waiting
For someone to save me
Would someone understand me please

So tired
exhausted
From a long day
Of pain and crying
Yet my brain
Refuses to sleep
My body
Giving up on me

Everything about her
Was perfection
Her laugh her smile her nose

Love was all I
Felt around her
I never felt anything bad
Always safe and secure

She hated herself
Could never see
Beauty in her flaws

She never believed
When I told her I loved her
One day she
Stopped loving me
But she'll always
Mean the world to me

Wings broken
Grounded to the Earth
Staying here
Even though I know
I'd find happiness elsewhere

Fly away fly away
Find a place
Called home to stay

Little bird
Once you grow up
You'll take your wings
Fly somewhere safe to stay

Into girls
Ino guys
I like this
I like that
I go both ways
And that's that

To the people who say gay is a choice
Who make fun of people who are gay
Ignore them, push them into lockers bully them
To the ones who **** them ****** them
You should do it: you should all be gay
I mean you can choose that right?
All the pain and humiliation you caused someone else
The days spent crying hiding who you are
Like they wanted someone to point out it was different
Say who they are is wrong
They chose that life
So why don't you just try

Pretty hard to deal with
All this pain right now

How easy it was for him to fall for me
How easy it was for me to get attached
Put my faith and trust in him
End up falling in love with him
How easy it was for him to hurt me
Turn away and forget all about me


Yet how hard it was
For him to stay in love
Get a ring or go
Down on one knee
At the very least
Prove he loved me

Go ahead
Tell me
One more time
Poetry is dumb
Words mean nothing

She is writing down
All her feelings
Crying for help
But nobody stayed


You don't know
How it feels
Having a voice
You are too
Afraid to use

Tell me again
How stupid
This print looks
Typing like this
Just isn't creative

I'm not trying to
"be cool" or "start a fad"
Sorry writing is the
Least creative alternative

Tell me one last time
That you never knew
Words had a
Lasting effect
On your victim

They wrote their
Feelings out
Tried to give it to someone

Did you know:
Your "jokes" weren't funny
She went home crying
Deciding the best way to
End her life

Did you know
She thought about you
As she ended her life

You never knew
Her life was
Always in your hands
Just one kind word
Could have saved her

Growing up
Going to school
Making friends

Get to high school
Make the grade
For a good future

Go to college to
Get a degree
Find a job

Never knowing what's real
Just moving along
Because that's what society wants

Don’t know what to say
When I’m around you
And I don’t know how to act or who to be
When I’m near you
Somebody tell me what I’m supposed to do
Cuz you’re driving me crazy
I hope you feel this way too

You, you, you
What should I say
You, you, you
How do I act
You, you, you who am I supposed to be
You, you, you
What am I supposed to do
Because you, you, you, you are driving me crazy

These feelings won’t fade away
You’ll never stop driving me crazy
With you I’m always up
When I’m with you
The world stops and
It’s just the two of us
With you I wouldn’t care if the world decided to cave in on us

I don't know what to do
My heart's a mess
While my head's trying to
Convince me it wants you

I'm so connected to the
Heart of you
Want to stay
Pushed to go

Split in two
Do I want you?
I left you
But I still care
My heart's torn
I'm so gonna regret this later

I'm that girl
Just a friend
But did you know
Those few words
Would be my end

Never felt this way before
when you leave
You take my heart with you

I swear to all the gods
You are my everything
Heart and soul
You put me back together
Remind me of who I am

Lonely no more
Always on my mind
Forever in my heart

Forever might be long
It won't be easy
Together we can make it through
Baby forever is me and you