When I was younger
You could either be
Straight, gay or lesbian

Bisexual existed
But that usually
Translated to
"You're confused"
"It's just a phase"
"Experimentation is okay"

Anything other than
Straight or lesbian
Seemed like a taboo

I am not straight
I am not a lesbian
I am stuck
Here in the
Land of the inbetween

My skin color
Doesn't make me free
You can't assume because
Someone looks white
They are treated equally

Being white doesn't
Make me privileged
I worked hard to get
To where I am

I am not as "white" as I look
I am Hispanic
Which means that
Behind the scenes my
Family is not as
Well put together
As we may look

My parents are divorced
We're not poor but
They're struggling to
Get their kids a college education

I am a female
I didn't always have the
Rights I do now
For many years
My kind couldn't vote

For many years
Women were forced
Into a gender role
Being a female
Doesn't mean I'm weak

I am not straight
But also not a lesbian
Until this year
I didn't have the luxury of
Getting married to
Who I wanted where I wanted

People still don't understand
They think I'm confused
I can pray it away
You know what
Not even your
Backhanded religion
Can save me

I am not even
Safe in my own mind
There is a
Constant war
My depression and anxiety
Is eating away at me

You look at me
You see white
My people
We have
Always had to fight

Go ahead
Tell me
One more time
Poetry is dumb
Words mean nothing

She is writing down
All her feelings
Crying for help
But nobody stayed


You don't know
How it feels
Having a voice
You are too
Afraid to use

Tell me again
How stupid
This print looks
Typing like this
Just isn't creative

I'm not trying to
"be cool" or "start a fad"
Sorry writing is the
Least creative alternative

Tell me one last time
That you never knew
Words had a
Lasting effect
On your victim

They wrote their
Feelings out
Tried to give it to someone

Did you know:
Your "jokes" weren't funny
She went home crying
Deciding the best way to
End her life

Did you know
She thought about you
As she ended her life

You never knew
Her life was
Always in your hands
Just one kind word
Could have saved her

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth

Nobody knows what it's like
Who I really am
Smiling and laughing
Wondering why I
Was even put here
I shouldn't be

People think I'm better
Just because I'm not
Talking about my depression
Just because I don't
Broadcast how ******
Every moment of every day is
Doesn't mean it's not there

You talk too little
There's something wrong
They want to know
What's inside your head
Don't be fooled
They're not
Really trying to save you

You talk too much
People get so
Tired of you
Your voice is a fly
Consistent and unwanted

All the time people ask
How are you?
How was your day?
Are you okay?
Not because they want to know
Asking is an obligation

I've learned to lie
Present the person
Everyone wants me to be

They don't know
Will never see the
Constant struggle
Figuring out
Who I want to be
While keeping up the charade

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth
The person I've created
She isn't me

What is it
About writing
That you love so much?

Is it the way you can
Express yourself
Let your feelings out?

Putting ideas together?
Seeing your creation
Come to life

Did it save you?
Are you hoping to
Save someone else?

Was writing the thing
That saved you
Gave you hope
Built you up
In a world so cold?

Did it help to
Create someone else
A new world
A new caricature of
Who you wanted to be?

Did it make you
Explore who you were

Did it save you
Maybe just change you?
Make you feel powerful
Sitting around a keyboard?

Writing helped me
Find a voice
Figure out my feelings
Who better to go to
When you're lost
Than a blank page
Full of possibilities

It makes me feel heard
Like someone can
Relate to my words
My struggles
Somehow relate to me

Writing makes me feel
Not so invisible
Even if I still feel alone

Words have put me in
Some bad places in the past
Writing has helped me
Sort out the pain the
Universe seems to be causing

I have found peace
Within the pain
Solace within the struggle
I have found a
Temporary place again

Writing does a lot of things
I know what writing has
Done for me
So why do you love
Writing so much?

As a writer
I do tend to
Draw inspiration
From my real life

I also get inspired
From other writers
Even just the
World around me

Don't think
Every word
Every thought
Every image is about you

There are secrets untold
Messages hidden
Deep inside my brain
Words, thoughts of my own
Locked inside left untold

I am not the person who
Will break up with you
Tell you you're not good enough
Give up when things get tough

Nor will I lie to
Spare your feelings or mine
If I didn't say I love you
I didn't mean it at the time

I will put in the effort
All the time
No matter how hard it is for me to
Deal with the constant battle
Raging in my head

I am not going to be okay
As much as you want me to be
I'll tell you I'm fine
Lie just to make you happy

I will fight to then end
After you have given up
But when I finally give up on you
Say how I feel
I become selfish

Somehow trying to
Escape this torment
Being alone in a relationship
Putting in the effort
Telling you I love you
(yes I still do)

You pushed me so far
Wanted me to leave
When I tried to go
You were the one who
Told me not to go

Trying to leave
Do it the right way
So I wouldn't get hurt
Not having the nerve
To walk out
Knowing it would hurt you

Lost, confused, hurt
Yet still here, with you
How did you
Get me to stay?
After all
You were the one that
Pushed me away