If your favorite flower is the rose
Do you not then liken yourself to a rose
Is not your beauty equal to that of the rose

Behold I stand perfect beauty
A white rose among the thorns
Behold I stand for you to see
A perfect beauty inside of me

If mine favorite flower is the orchid
Do I not then liken myself to the orchid
Is not my beauty equal to that of the orchid

Behold I stand handsome beauty
A black orchid among twisted roots
Behold you stand for me to see
A handsome beauty inside of you

A single petal of the rose so delicate of it self
A single petal of the rose so flawless of it self
Delicate beauty equaled only by delicate perfection
Flawless beauty equaled only by flawless grace

A single petal of the orchid so sensual of it self
A single petal of the orchid so ****** of it self
Sensual beauty equaled only by sensual grace
****** beauty equaled only by ****** perfection

Where there is white rose there is you
Where there is black orchid there is me
White Rose Black Orchid You and I
Wherever you go there too will I be

Does not the rose equal your grace
Does not your beauty equal the rose
Does not the orchid equal my strength
Does not my strength equal the orchid

Doth not the white rose possess the black orchid
Can not they bee one can not they be the same

Doth not you have mine heart
As the white rose has you
Doth not I have your soul
As the black orchid has me

The orchid has fallen for the rose
Has fallen for the orchid
And in my field of white roses
You stand a sultry orchid black

If only to look if only to feel
If only to hold if only to love
A rose white is me this night
Take from me this rose white

This rose white this orchid black
Together as one we cant take back

We're not meant to be alone
We're not meant to be ignored
We tend to feel rejected, when we are ignored
We tend to feel dejected, when we are alone

Id like to think that anyway but sometimes we find ourselves being ignored and alone.

Id like to think I was the first person in your life to hear happy news.
Like the way a walk in the woods made you feel.
Perhaps how cold your toes got because your shoes were to thin.

Id rather not feel blue because my heart is true to you and when you are away my heart with you will stay

Id like to know how you feel behind that wall of steel, that for what ever reason you wont let me through, to the heart of you

Id like to be so close to you that you never need or feel the want to be away from me.

Id like to think that I was the one you went to when your heart is broke and bleeding and the tears wont fall any more

Id hope to be the one you see when in the mirror you look and dont want to see you staring back

Id hope to be the reason that you never look in the mirror and dont want to see your reflection looking out

Id like to think that when you need to cry the shirt I am wearing is the shoulder your resting your head on

Id hope that my arms are the ones you need and want around you when you feel you want a hug

Id like to be the only one you turn to when your not having a good day and your world is closing in

We as are not meant to be alone and we are not meant to be ignored. I will never ignore her and she will not be alone unless she wants to.

What is this, this incessant need to help?
Why must I help everyone whos path I cross?
Be it emotional or physical, monetarily or otherwise.

I have to help but want none when I need it.
I can handle whatever baggage is placed upon my shoulders,
but I cannot seems to handle my own
and im being crushed under the wait.

What is this paradox that I'm in?
How do I stop this ride from spinning so fast?
Its making me sick but I dont want to get off.
How is it that I can handle everyones burdens?

I can help you, If you'll let me.
I'll carry that for you if youd like me too.
I'll walk that line if you need it.
I can be that person for you. I can whatever you need me to be
I can  handle it cause I have to, cause I want to, cause I need to.

I wish I knew why I dont want anyone to help me
I just know I feel free of the emotions that seem to plague others.
So I guess I need to feel them through everyone else.

Love, Joy, Pain, Hate. I feel these
Sadness, Misery, Suffering. I feel these
Kindness, Caring, Empathy. I feel these
Hope, Passion, Trust. I feel these

I feel emotion I am just not controlled by them,
I rule them not they rule me.
I can not not help someone but I dont want help when I need it.

Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge
The gap between you and I the gap that cant be filled
You see me on the street everyday yet ignore me
I suffer the starvation that humanity has forced upon me

Everyone says they want to do something about the homeless
Why not just do what Rudy Juliane did
Put us all in jail
Why suffer us yet another empty day

When you lay down your weary head
You dont think of us the ones you dont see
Oh you see us with your eyes
But you ignore us by your deed

Some of the homeless may have chosen to be ware they are
Some did not
For those whom  did not you see them as the bain of humanity
You see them as the gum on the bottom of your shoe

Something to scrape off on the curb and be forgotten
Something to be discarded in the refuse container
Something that you think really isnt there
Something you can only hope to cast out with disdain

Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge
Suffer the starvation that humanity has forced upon me
Suffer another empty day
Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge
Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge

Suffer  me humanity, Suffer Me humanity, Suffer  Me Humanity
SUffer ME HUmanity, SUFfer ME HUManity, SUFFer ME HUMANity
SUFFEr ME HUMANIty, SUFFER ME HUMANITy, SUFFER ME HUMANITYYYYYYYYY

Hot springs across the valley from the backdrop of the emerald green forest wall.
  Fog rolled in thicker and thicker with every passing minute bringing with it a stillness and a calm.
  A sharp strong beam of light cracks the night and falls against the forest backdrop.
  Little more than a slit of light really, penetrating through the fog and carrying with images disturbing of creatures great and small
  Creatures that had long sharp teeth, creatures that had heavy huge paws and fast long legs.
  Funny creatures and sad creatures too went calmly and serenely  galumphing through.
  Shadows here and shadows there shadows on that emerald  green see of forest falling before my gazing eyes.
  Puppets dancing at every command as if they were controlled by the trees them selves.  
  We see em there standing waiting in the dark knowing around the next sliver of light another will be.
  Are we creating them the puppets or is the forest really in control, of dancing the puppets we see.
  Elephants and Turtles, Bears and Rabbits, Giraffes and Ducks, Tigers and Mice around the next sliver of light.
  Oh we watched and were amazed by the shadows dancing on the forest wall and playing in the fog this night,
  Shadows made to be filled we filled full of community and strength held by a few shadow puppets on the forest.
  Shadows dancing, shadows playing, shadows pouring onto the emerald forest floor.
  Shadows lost there way again did they fall out of favor again oh no the light burned out the shadows stopped the hot springs was quiet.
  Play with your shadows remember when you made the puppets, out there the puppets where may as well been me as a kid again.
  Next time I go into the forest Im bringing my dancing shoes and Im playing with the shadows again.

Ive got an Angel watchin
His tattered wings wrapped round my shoulder
Beaten, I lay broken, in tattered Angel wings
Bruised, I am battered, on tattered Angel wings.

   Slowly I weaken, consciousness is gone
Bruises becomes badges, where bleeding used to be
Broken bones mend like solid stone, Granite on my feet
Ive got an Angel with tattered wings.

   Ive got an Angel watchin
He mends the mangled mind, manic, megalomaniacal  
He takes the blows my soul cant handle
Ive got an Angel with tattered wings.

   Ive never said thank you for all that hes done
But without God, he would be none
So I give thanks to God
For the Angel with tattered wings.

   His feathers in disarray, some missing
Wounds Garnered from a life commanded  to protect one
Commanded to serve, no matter the cost, taking on what I lost
Ive got an Angel with tattered wings and when I'm taking
a leave from me he brings me back my sanity.

Dance in dark
Delight in days
Revel in reality slipping slowly to the gray.
Inky black comfort dripping into haze.

Distraught in denile
Damaged in disdain
Rememberd reason trembeling in shadows to the grave.
Nervous the edge of sanity sinking slowly below the brave.

Cringe in quiet
Crumble in cacophony
Bask in benign indifference to the coming of the fray.
Shape the broken mold into which is squezed the clay.

Form in function
Friction in fruition
Extrapolate from nothing what is real of what is fake.
Drive doom through the heart wooden to the stake.

Damaged and distroyed, disturbed and distrought, this is the friction of the fraught.

Why do we fight and argue
Over things that dont make since

Why do we scream and shout
Over things we cant work out

Why do we have this incessant need to banter and bicker
About every little meaningless insecurity

We scrutinies everyone's lives but our own
Plaster their lies on every visible space
And the skeletons are beating down your vale
Of  hidden closet doors

Offer up your educated opinion in your best efforts of advise
For dealing with their misdeeds
And at every turn the skeletons are beating down
Your vale of  hidden closet doors

They scrutinies your every move
Cold and calculated to take away your dignity
Until all you have left are the demons they made
And the skeletons are beating down your vale of  hidden closet doors

They spit it back in your face
And expect you not to move
Only to leave you standing there
Feeling disgraced and bruised

They created havoc in your life
To be left wandering with no tears to cry
You bottled up every ounce of pain
Wondering the tole your broken laughter would gain

Made many a useless plea
Fall upon many a deaf ear
Let escape many hollow sighs
Wondering if they heard your placid crys

Broke the shattered mirror
For disgust of  pieces of battered dreams
Wondering if the skeleton key can be re-cut
Standing behind your vale of hidden closet doors.

ah hear da dog a snorin and da heavy breathin a da wolf
ah feel da wind a blowin and da chill dats brought in with it
  ah see da tings dey creepin to da shadows where dey creach
ah hear da turtle skootin to da den for shelta from da storm
  ah feel a mighty shakin comin out chru da broken ground
ah see a terrible storm a brewin in da distance waitin out its time

  ah watch as tings dey change an no always for da best
ah see da way dey act when dey done know dey bein watched
  ah know da tings dey be doin now dey tink meh watchin
ah see dey know, dey change dey tings dey do
  ah feal da change she comin and comin for ya know dey change
ah can na keep a runnin away des tings ah went an run to far

  meh guess is da was da right ting ta do
meh goin no betray da love dey sho meh
  meh tinks ah done right by him ah wont betray
ah can feel dah silance an da tension in da air
  ah know da time she comin for meh but ah hope she no to soon
ah see whas goin on an fallin down around meh

  ah no goin to pretend no more, des tings bother meh so much
ah no goin to hold my tongue when ah've been offend'd
  ah no goin ta take tings da wrong way any more too much time be wasted
ah got ta find where ah can stole away from da waves of questions raised
  ah feel des tings but can na change dem no more than change shes wanted

  ah hear da dog a snorin gettin after chasen tails
ah hear da turtle skootin to da den for winter warmth
  ah know how what wrong ah've done has come back round
ah can see she been cryin she wares it on her sleeve
  ah can see u no more smilin tryin headed for da bed
ah know da whistle ah hear come runnin o da trouble, ah stay out

Im craving something and I know exactly what
Im craving her touch the feel of skin on skin.

Im craving the love we feel when our nerves are stretched out wire thin.

Im craving the heart I feel when she is herself and shes wanting it to be felt.

Im craving her breath in my ear when the only thing I want to do is fall into her and melt.

Im craving her whisper when I need to feel her gentlest nudge to set me back up right.

Im craving me to spoon with her when she just wants to lay in bed and wake at window cracking morning light.

Im craving us hand in hand walking on the beach, we find a spot somewhere private but exposed and make love in the misty evening breeze.

Im craving us as children running through fields and climbing mountain trees.

Im craving the closeness we share that was disrupted in a fury of words and recklessness.

Im craving her blue when she wants to be orange and her purple when she wants to be a yellowness.

Im craving her a compliment when she is the one who needs lifted cause she does not think shes perfect.

Im craving a walk in the rain hand in hand to sing and giggle and feel and just be the imperfectly perfect beings we are. Im craving something and I know exactly what I want...

I Want Her.

Been so ******* and frustrated lately,
that I think everybody ****** hate me.
Somebody say some **** dat shoulda never been said.
so I sit around and mope cause I took it the wrong way.

Its all ****** up, they all goin they own direction and im lost
so all i do is sit an scratch my head  an wonder whats the ******  cost.
I dont want to have to be the one to pay the price for him ****** up his life. So insteada goin toe to toe and throwin blow for blow, im gonna smoke anotha  bowl.
I didnt ask for the silence or the tears and I aint gonna try to wipe away his fears. I got enough of my own without addin more. I dont need all this stress and I feel funny in this dress. No, Im not really wearin a dress but I bet I gotta laugh like a Jedi. I played their little mind trick on myself and seems to be workin cause now Im on a role.

  So now I guess I gotta impress, aint that what you supposed to do when all the fingers are pointed at you, oh, no, wait thats the wrong word, ****, ****, ****, **** it you **** ****, brain work right, the right word is: interrogate. Nope **** it that aint the right word either, so what am I supposed to now, cause I done lost that ****** word somehow. I thought I was on a role mane **** now I need to hit the next train, take anotha good long **** from the **** mane. Maybe that **** im smokin will inspire me to one day be the kinda man I know I wanna be for my little girls sake. Yep, thats right, I said it, I got a little girl now. Never thought that would ever happen, but shes three now. And daddies only gonna be away for a minute cause I gotta get a better education for you baby, so I can give you a better life than I had,  and you dont ever have to think Im a looser Dad. I know baby its pretty bad when I gotta come all the way here to hear that I aint got everything the **** school need like the money the want outta me that I aint got cause I got no job, but I **** sho aint gonna sit around and sob. Ima go to college and make myself a career, so I can better rear or raise you **** I dont like that word either, rear, sounds like im talkin bout my ****, but I aint so dont go gettin all twisted, oops did I just say somethin derogatory there, well I guess not. **** now I gotta knot in my stomach cause all this ***** makin me sick.

  I caint keep up with all the **** goin on here mane cause its like cane slew able and Im un able to understand why I feel like Im bein pushed aside but I aint tryin to hide from no one cause I love all an I dont wanna see em hurt each other anymore. So I pick the pieces off the floor and I do my best to put em back together agin but then I sit an wonder why do I try I know they just gonna tell each other one thing and tell me a lie. Whats makin it worse, is this thing like a curse, that hangs on me heavy like water against the leavy. I done went and got myself stuck, in a major royal mind ****. You see that triangle over there, yep that me in the middle of it and it all just comes crashin down around me. Now I just want it all to stop pounding and for the voices in my head to go the **** to bed and let me sleep to cause the first thing Id do is. TELL EM HOW STUPID THIS **** IS, YOUR WRONG, GROW UP.

  But anyway I digress, or is it egress, **** it dont matter, I aint the Mad Hatter and I found the right word but Ima be a **** and let it go unheard till I see fit, Yeah a little taste of it, control, there you go, its right there in front of my face. Just as plain to see as My Space. Hes a bit of a control freak. Oops I forgot, Im not, I like to treat people, like I like them to treat me. See how that works, its a little thing called respect, you should learn it sometime. Hell aint they a song by that name I do believe Id have to leave the room now If I didnt tell you Aretha Franklin sang R.E.S.P.E.C.T. she know what it mean and you can learn it too I hope somehow. But anyway I gotta go now, and I guess Im finished with my rap now, so im out, gotta preform.

the love i feel that bleeds away inside the dieing day
the pain i feel the same way it came leaves on me its darkened stain
little by little it eats at me until i go insane

  the fire that burns is going out for all thats torn about
put asunder this thing inside from which i want to hide
so real i feel the thing that burns the beauty in the rain

  the passion isnt gone its still lurking at my foot
i feel it too draped over me its blanket stitched of soot
the wait of it is crushing me this blanket set me free

  the past is real all to real all i see is it
before all this the pleasure there is all that i can bare
i miss it now the fires gone but to me it will burn back

  the love i feel is bleeding through its way to you
beating down your door to whisper in your ear all you want to hear
i wrap my arms around myself and the hug just does not fit
so around you now i throw my arms and look that was really it

  the love i feel is burning now brighter than it had
i found in me renewed i see the strength to feel her touch
to give it back in spades i will when left of this there isnt much
but now i see unless it be  that burning is of me...

Facing the truth doesnt make my life better.
Not facing it will certainly make it worse.
Move over let me take the wheel.
Lets see where I go from here.

Lying, Face down in a puddle of someone elses spew
Blood stained clothes at my feet.
At the bottom of the barrel
Dung heap never looked so good.

(Chorus) PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

Foundation built of blood and block, sweat and tears, love and lies
The roof is nothing more than fears
When it all crumbles to the ground
All my skeletons will be found
No matter how loud I scream and shout a
All my secrets will come out
No matter what I do I cant hide the truth
Inside my pain I cry in vain
Inside my head Im already dead

PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

Face the truth, not enough vermouth
To drown in my sorrow
Nothing but God can stop tomorrow
****** eyes cloud misery, nothing more left of me
The man I was is here no more, he went through that shattered door
If your quick, you might find him, but I doubt it, Im right behind him
Nothing left but the shell of a man faking, cause inside this hatred he is breaking.

PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

Sandman find me, are you looking?
Sandman look for me, are you finding?
Slumber ceases while delirium increases.
Setting in to take its hold, Sandman left me cold.

  Wheres the dream when night is come and Sandman has forgot.
Forgot to grant to me this slumber, where dreams come of you.
Your the reason that Im not sleeping, wheres my Sandman now?
Now for her your job complete, please Sandman, grant me sleep.

  Here sit I the time is nigh for Sandman to come again.
Again I say where has Sandman gone I need to dream.
Dream again of fairest face but Sandman took its place.
Place on me mine misery of slumber turning out my light.

  What now to do that sleep eludes even crafty me?
Drag Sandman from foot of bed and shoot him in the head.
Now hes gone, his spells been lifted, so now I fall to sleep.
Dozing of the slumber, the sleep for which I keep.

Rich. I am not. Poor. I am not.
Nor do I have any money to speek of.
But I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.
I have a family that loves me, a daughter I love dearly more than my own life
and will treasure more than any bill can pay for strife.
I follow no greed to its end for I know what road gold will lead you down.
I know that in the end, I wish my family to be around.

Money buys not happiness nor does wealth buy true friends.
For they cannot be purchased by wicked, evil ends.
I have no penny in my pocket, nor have I a dime to my name
but I know that I am happy and will not live in vain.
Clothes do not make the a man and tattered are his wrags
To riches I will set myself apart and in poverty take my stand
for I know what true riches are even though I too wear my wrags.

So busy yourself for all your toil and make your money fist over hand.
In the end you die a lonely, bitter, broken man.
But when my grave calls me and before it I stand looking in.
I will die with a smile wider than monetary riches could ever buy.
For I am poor and have no home but truly, I am rich.

ah really hope mah words done fall on deff ears
ah really hope dey hit home and squash all mah fears
  ah really hope mah actions done land on blind eyes
ah really hope dey too hit home an silance all mah cries
  ah really hope mah love done fall on a broken hart
ah really hope it hits home and keaps meh from fallin apart
  ah really hope mah faith done find a fallin soul
ah really hope it his home and leads mah to dah final gole
  
  ah really hope ahm lisnin when dey speak ta meh
ah reall hope wah dey say gets through an saves meh
  ah really hope ahm ready when ahm called to prove
ah really hope dey prove ahm worthy of her too
  ah really hope ahm not da broken hart
ah really hope da pieces can na be taken back apart
  ah really hope ahm faithful when da sole come callin
ah really hope dat sole done do meh in to da dien

Flawed eventless, the muck to the mire
To the river crimson with lustful haze.
Supressed desire flows like light, rapture to the gaze.
Feverd, clamy, tossing, turning
Lying wrestless on the floor.
Sarrow slips, through the cracks,
to come smashing through the door.

Famin parched, the scream to the cry,
to the path trampled in fits of rage.
Unrelenting fire, burns like ice, denile in a cage.
Calm, relaxed, watching, breathing,
Standing idle at the sash.
Anguish waits at beck and call
to come crashing  through the glass.

Hidden in a seamless world of delight and joy and glee
A fractured cloud of misery waits
to have its cake and thee,
to reval as it sulks with company.
Ever growing spawned by fear, deathly silent in its' plea
Eating away at the sinews of faith,
dispair awaits its' time to flea.

Akin to death, friend to evil, slient screaming in its' vain
Dissolving with trust the passion of the lust
Envy plies to its bain.
Passion and fire, burning desire, these monsters are not the same.
All too familiar, confusing just the same, betrayed by flesh.
What is there cannot be had, for surely this is no game.

Aching neck and back, soothed.
Stiff sore muscles from the hike in and the previous nights vigor, relaxed.
Step in, sit down, lay back, breath out, breath in, feel the warmth seep in.
Soak it up let it devour you, let it consume you and take you away.

   Aching tired feet, soothed.
Stiff, sore muscles from the prior nights vigor gone but the memory stays.
Dip under feel that warmth envelope you, cocooned again, inwombed again.
Senses hightnd  keen to the shrill of a whippoorwill, the sulfur gallivanting before your nose.
A touch on your shoulder shimmies down your leg to your toes, breath in breath out there it goes.

   Crisp the evening air around you, a little angel hug, her arms of fog the gentlest of touch still, it too shimmers to your toes.
Bright the moonlight through the ever thickening clouds still enough too see the silhouettes of the faces looking round.
Tranquility abounds in glory all around, where everything goes both noticed and unnoticed, you heard the shrill of that whippoorwill yet its call did not intrude upon your state of zen.

   Breath in, hold          , breath out slowly, let it just seep out  now feel that, yes, clean, crisp, rejuvenating.
Listen to the trees hear the old man in the forest he speaks gently to you, listen close, for what he has to say is for you alone.
When you leave this place, and you will go, you will leave with a since of euphoria and wonderment but your not leaving now.

   Even the others voices cant intrude upon this moment, cant invade this serenity.
Let go of the things in your mind that have been plaguing you, turn them out and block them from reentering.
Breath, dont forget to breath so that your lungs can purge all that need not be taxing your breth.
Remove all that encumbers or hampers you, its not needed and optional here now just relax and enjoy all that there is.

   Let the fog envelope you, breath it too in, its silent vapor a most refreshing breath.
Watch as a little flame dances before you then disappears, dances and disappears again.
Now watch as the glow that flame created slowly dies before your eyes.
Breath in while the flame is bowed toward your feet, exhale as the flame dances around your eyes and blinds you from the shadows and silhouettes.

   Let free the sole to fly around you to see what cant be seen by the naked eye that is hindered by its captor.
Here in this serenity and tranquility you can sore where eagles were meant to fly.
Here you can let yourself go completely you can surrender to whatever side of you, you choose, be it animalistic or or sensual, or it be tamed and conquered.

   I choose as I sit here in these hot springs to feel the angel hugging fog envelope me and hold me till Im delirious from her touch. I choose to allow the warmest breeze blow over me and let my sole fly away with it. Through the mountains around the river bends and out to the world at my feet, my oyster presented to me in a dish most pleasing to this minds palette.

People are ****** boring. Thats why Im ****** snoring.
So I must decree that I wish to ****** flee.
Need to leave this place. For fear the lines on face, become the cracks in floor.
Want to walk through that open door. Run as far, as fast as can fall, before the mocking bird doth call.
Must find that thing that entertains, must find that thing for perfect gains.
Pain within the heart, will surly come apart.
Unless to find a place to free the mind then ware forever do we start.
Even if it seems as though theres no ware left to go, insanity your last resort,
then come and join me in the chair and see if I ****** care.

  If ever there was a point to life, then why can't it be seen with simple human eyes.
Or shall it be that no one hears the cries, the whaling soul to extole a price that can't be paid
for a life that cant be laid, down upon its'
feet. For entertainment that it seeks is not at all discreet.

  So if you please recommend to me something that I can see.
Your take hold and feel so bold, as to see the point in this boring ****** life.
Carry round the misery and the ****** strife. Then sink into flesh and wound,
and those whom should have swooned. Its all the same for everyone the games we ****** play,
wish to just escape the world its so ****** gay.
See me here with out the cheer to get up off my *** and make a pass at this ****** race.
If all there is ****** fake people then get off my ****** case.

Okay **** it, it just boring so now Im ****** snoring, yet again, isn't this how I did begin.

Love is the blond on the corner of the street
Love is the brunette you never thought youd meet
Love is the Red head living down the rode
Love is her green eyes that make you explode
Love is the radiant blue in her eyes that makes you melt
That  hazel color that mystifies is love

That feeling when your weary head raises from bed in the pit of an already churning stomach is love

A momentary loss of conciseness when she steels your breath away is love

Love is the reason you get up in the morning because you feel rite
Love is that little blind fool in the back of your mind that has you doing something you wouldnt otherwise do
Love is the whisper on the rain
Love is the shadow of the wind Love is the light in the sail that keeps you aloft, love is the sail
Love is the time you spent thinking about what you would do when yo got out
Love is the reason you were in there in first place
The reason the insane become again sane is love
The reason you go to the grocer at three in the morning and went back because you got the wrong flavor ice-cream is love

If you reading this right now and laughing and shaking your head because you understand this thats love
Not for me the paltry author of this simple poem or for the words contained herein but for the fact that youve been thinking about love and the one you love since you started reading this, thats love

Love conkers all things if you give it a chance to
Love crosses all boundaries if yo let it
Yet for all of this love is easily bound if you dont nurture it, if you dont feed it, if you dont take care of it, if you dont let it grow
If you dont do any of these things love dies like all things

In a moment its all gone
In an instant all is lost
Do everything you can to keep
Keep insanity at bay
Convince yourself that your not crazy
To no avail all has failed

Try as you may
You cant avoid your future grim
Truth is your already there
Pampas in your contrite little way
You make your eneptyness known

Come let me convince you
Let me help you see
Let me help you bleed thrue the truth
Let me help you find your flaw
Come let me conceal you

Happy are you to hide
Happy are you to run
Happy are you to cringe
Happy are you to bend
To my will happy are you

Ill bleed you an ocean of love
For you to hide your pain
An ocean calm smooth as silk
A ripple in your hate
An ocean tempest ruoph as sand
A ripple in your fate

Broken heart tapped together
Pieces of your love
Broken soul sown together
Pieces of your life
Broken mind stitched together
Pieces of your pain

Comforted by the indignant
Captivated by the incredulous
Confirmed by the ineffable
Condemned by the individual
Contrived by the inescapable

Your heart is numb for lack of need
I'll teach you to feed thine own greed
Your mind is numb for lack of  not
I'll show you for what with to be kot
Your soul is numb for lack of seed
I'll reveal you for us simply to let bleed

In your field of vast decay
Your body there forever will it lay
On your mountain of highest devotion
Your soul will forever be in persecution
In your valley of phaltless plunder
Your mind there forever will it wonder

In the end I can not help you
For you know not what you've done
All is gone in the blink of the eye
In your retched little world shalt thou dye

Climb up the mountain, get knocked off.
Claw, fight, scratch, bight, only advance one rung at a time
and get knocked down two.
But if you got the stones, make bones make the bones fo ya.
Corse you can always line "the mans" pockets, make sure they's plenty uh padding for em to fall back on, try to guid em to the ground so they can bust they face to make they place they pocket the man in yours further a bidness is difficult to mind but the rewards.
   Start early, Stack up the bones, Got enough?
Spend more ona bigga house, betta whip, mo toys.
Get anotha credit card to pay off the interest of the previous, ohhh dont yoo feel devious? Cause you look suspicious! Or invest, play it safe, stay back away from the edge, nothing risky, always stagnant, never moving forward faster than the safety net can keep up, boring. Or, invest, learn something, keep learning some-things, all the time, never stop and have, love, cherish, enjoy family and you will never be poor again.

Forlorn and hating life
The swine that feels the sudden strife
Has come and gone on tomorrows wings
Has fled this place of hopes and dreams

A time thus robbed and cant obtain
A simple freedom to sustain
When this life has payed its final debt
The reaper comes to collect

An eternity  goes by before we notice what is gone
And then we see what we couldnt see
What was there just yesterday is gone for good
A life wasted trying to get back what we never had

A single tear a cascade of weeping uncontrolled
All the past comes rushing back
The memories so hard forgotten a flood of wasted time
Wasted again in this emptiness nothing to cling to

Fear of losing the only grip obtained through constant struggle gained
Fear of dying alone without ever saying goodbye
Fear of fear and all that is misunderstood
Fear of living in this cold lonesome dingy place

A ragged man  pulls himself out of bed
Only to face another day of being alone
Only to be rejected again by those who once knew him
Only to suffer another cold night without comfort

A ragged man tries to find another meal
Only to spit on and beet down and made to go away
Only to try and stave off the pain in his emty stomach
Only to find a meager half eaten burger

A vet who risked his own life
So we could have the things hes trying to get
So we could complain if we dont like it
So we can try and change what doesnt work
Not too be spat on and made to go away

I didnt ask him to do what he did
I never knew him so what difference does it make
Im not the one who spit on him
It wasnt me who beet him down

All those it wasnt me's and I didnt do it
That has all been said before
but how many times have you passed a man on the street holding a sine that reads:    HOMELESS  DISABLED VET
                     PLEASE HELP GOD BLESS
and just passed him by without a second glance or thought of him.
You may as well have spit on him or beet him down or told him to go away.

All the what ifs and if onlys he's already asked himself
So this ragged tired man gets wasted again.

Can't you see me standing there
My fingers running through your hair
I whisper gently in your ear
Hoping desperately that you hear

I'm trying to tell you
That I love you
I'm sorry for the pain I caused
I'm sorry for the tears you cried

I'm fallin so help me
To get back upon my feet
Then I'll show you
That I'm worth it

So let me prove to you
Just what I'm willing to go through
So you know what I will do
So you know I still love you

I want to feel your breath upon my skin
I want to lay side by side with you
Until slumber takes this weary sheep
And when I wake I want to see you lying there

Inside my wanting heart
You'll always be a part
Inside my wanting soul
Your love will be held whole

Your stronger than I'll ever be
For putting up with stupid me
Your better than I'll ever be
Cause you see what I can't see

I whisper gently in your ear
Hoping desperately that you hear

I'm trying to tell you
That I love you

I'm sorry for the pain I caused
I'm sorry for the tears you cryed

I'm fallin  I'm broken
I'm disintegrating  into nothing
Without you here by my side

I'm fallin  I'm broken

Oh how I long for you
Everyday my eyes feast not upon you
Brings yet one more tear to my coffers
Everyday my ears hear not your sweet voice
Brings yet one more crack to my breaking heart
Everyday I think of you I grow more lonely

Everyday I wish to be graced by your presence
Everyday I struggle to make do by your absence
Everyday I want only to feel your gentle embrace
Everyday I struggle to make do by your remembered face

Each day that we are not together
Is one more day you hear not I love you
Each and every day without you
Is one more day you feel not my touch

Each day that passes into the next
Is one more I pray I see you
Each day I dont catch a glimpse of you
Is one more day that I cry

You are the reason I rise
You are the reason I dream
You are to me what leaves are to a tree
You are the only picture I see when I close my eyes
You are the reason I breath and the reason I cant

Each day your not here to hold
Is one more breath in the cold
Every day your not here to see
Is one more day I can not be

You are my compliment
You are my anchor holding me firm
You are my roots lest a strong wind try an ******* away
You are not the target
You are not the arrow
You are the strength to pull the string
You are the speed with which the arrow pierces the air
You are the force that strikes the target
You are what drives me to continue
Each day I struggle to change
You are the reason I struggle at all

Everyday I long to be in your presence
And my eyes see only a picture
Everyday I long to touch your face
And my fingers caress only air
As the images of you are created in my mind
As the ink flows from this pen to describe you
My heart is breaking for you're not here with me
Holding me and whispering I love you in my ear.

If you ***** me I bleed.
So too shall you.
   If you pinch me I flinch.
So too shall you.
   If your arrow pierces mine heart
I will die.
Yet not before I rip yours
still bleeding from your chest.
   If you **** me your torment
will be measured by your sanity,
after you wake from the nightmare
you will have created for yourself
   If somehow I survive your onslaught
My vengeance will not be swift nor exact
Only slow to build and erratic at best.
   For by the time I am finished
exacting my revenge
your tormented sole will beg
to be released from my merciless grasp.
   There is no corner of the earth
that will be sufficient enough for you to hide.
If by chance age catches up to you,
your children shall reap your just reward
their pain will be your agony.
   Your anguish while brooding over past
will be misery while worrying of the future.
For you nor they know what lay in hold
for them to see when you cease to be.

You cant let your self see
You cant let your self bee

Your tired of hiding form it
You dont want to run from it

Why cant you let your self go
Why cant you let your self  breath

Its not as bad as it seems
You've got to let go of your dreams

Your not that way anymore
So just let your hate walk out that door

You didnt want to do what you've done
But now you've made amends to all of their friends

And now your talking again
So now were back  where we begin

You still wont let your self see
You still wont let your self bee

You still want to hide from it
You still find your self running from it

So please let me help you let  your self go
So please let me help you let your self breath

How can you ever be free
If you dont let your self see

Your not that person any more
You've let it all go rite out the door

I know cuz I was standing rite there
When all the sudden you collapsed in the chair

You fell in a heap in my arms
So I kept you safe from all harms

When you came up off of your knee
You looked up and said to me

Im not that way anymore
That person walked out the door

So now that you know
Why cant you let it all go

Dont worry I'll be rite by your side
Encase anything happens to you inside

So now you can let go and hold on to me.
Its all-rite, Im here.

And I sing the song carried on the breeze...before I fall to my knees and exclaim, that I dont feel the same, after the rain...it invigorates me to breath that air, to fill my lungs with the purity of the sea and the fury of the wind...

  And I Fall to my Knees and Cry Out, let my spirit sore across the plains so that I might see with eyes of eagles. Let my heart be filled to the capacity of over flowing, so that I might love like no other before me. Let my mind be filled with the knowledge of my generation and those before me, so that I might share it with the world, to learn a better understanding of that world.

  And I Stand arms Open Wide to receive the Love Ive felt all this time from every prayer that has come my way. I cast my eyes to the heavens and pray they not be burned out from the purity that it brings.
So let me share with you, this invigoration anew that you might feel inside of you, this something in me new.

  And I Feel on My Skin the Breeze blowing by and the life that it brings to the skin it stings. I feel the electricity flowing deep within me to be let out by her who can handle me, that fury deep inside from which I can not hide. So let me see in you, what change you bring to me, so together we share a love for all to see.

  And I Have found that strength abound to pick me up from ***** ground, brush me off and onward walk to mountain top, to mountain top. A giant among the people, surveying all before my feet with a fervor few can meat. I say to you from where I stand, the world is rather grand. So take your place among the thorns and fall in to the normalcy, as for me I will continue to find what make her unique among the roses.

In your later years
Will you still have all the same fears
  In your earlier life
Did you have all the same strife

Did you stand ignorant of the truth
Were you boastful of your own pride
Proud of your own prejudice

Do you see what lay at your feet
Only to kick it aside with no regard
Are you afraid of whom you might meet
Only to remember them in regret

Stumble along the broken path
Leading to the soul within  
Find in you a will to live
And see the love not to give

Face the fear that brought you here
Too remember who you were
Live the life you've yet to live
Too forget the strife you had to give

Truth is there for you to find
Only to lay down your pride divine
Your prejudice consumes every waking our
For the wasted lives you so devour

Compared to the you've yet to see
What simply can not be
The bed you've lain
The seed you reap Now you see this is me

i hate this it feels icky
i keep doing it to myself
my perception is off

  i go on total melt down
it seems even that does nothing
says its not intentional

  id rather be in the dark
if this is how it feels
it may not be but still

  im dysfunctional for sure
id stay pent up in the dark
it seems that way know its not

  i wish i could get away
its nice there with the mushrooms
its inescapable i guess

  in the blink of an eye gone
in the dark full of it all the time
i feel empathetic to them

  in a fraction of a second fly away
in the comfort of its serenity
in its embracing arms always there

  i feel alone again and I dont like it
i feel like im not wanted and its dragging me down
i know its not meant like that as i said my perception is off
i try to get through but havent found a way

  i want to be close when its being pulled away
i want to be close but there is nothing in front of me when i reach out
i want to walk beside not follow or lead ill even carry but no
i want to not feel this way so i can be the me i know me to be

  i must like being the lowly little thing
i keep taking everything wrong so i do it to myself
its the only conclusion i like the punishment
is that it thats what ive been clamoring on about how lonely i am and how i feel like a mushroom and that i dont like to be alone and that i keep yammering on about it all the time taking everything wrong again like i cant do anything right again its the same old song and story even when someone else is telling it right down to the brass tax of all the sordid details of it is what it is i guess it is this way that when its gone i want it to stay and when its here i dont ever want it to go away and i dont mean stay as in never come back more like never have left no i prefer rite even if its wrong i know ive done a lot of it as late im glad im not but then i have a watch so i shouldnt be but here i am once again running at the mouth of a river thats been opened up and gushing out is all of this this confusion and chaos that festers here inside this ear to hear with which i have done to keep myself from getting hurt but seems it not to work because i havent put it up didnt need too hide away from here id like to but it wouldnt prove my point that reading all of this garble might that i feel like the words here look all strung together no discernible point to stop on just a lot of tangled mess of nerves and frayed misfires and take a step back to see the fray that done i am i know i should have been done a long time ago i said i loved a girl and then i got hurt and we all know how the story goes to where i can write another one that makes since to me so i can understand the break thats needed from me to you id give my all and everything i do is for a reason too that might not be apparent now i will try again and maybe get it right in front of me where i can see and this wont be gone again the nerve to say whats on my mind my manners i do to say to you that this really hurts to know a break is needed from the what i didnt do what was done to you know i said im through but had to say again i dont know what to think but in the back of my mind i know i do it too so why cant i see past this thing that makes me feel like this so loved and cared for that she loves me as i love her and it really isnt me im just afraid im paranoid say whatever you like i know now that im taking it wrong twisting it past its means stretching it beyond its strength to withstand this thing called a rollercoaster ride of your life get in sit down hold on and scream at the top of you twisted little head for the door no more the reason to stay has overwhelmed me once again so here i am take it or leave it this is me alone in the im afraid of the dark outside the place i hide away from where i stay at home alone in a croud full of people i go to the church to see the steeple that comes to a point of wich i know none about this thing that makes me want to shout out loud above the clouds of crouds so i can see in front of me to understand the problem at hand the break she needed to take it away from here the pain you feel because of that shell get it back i know she will but still this is how i feel...

You know your lifes on the wrong track
If you start now you can get it back
You dropped out of school and got a McJob
Now all you do is sit there and sob

Now your all grown up
Two kids one in each arm
And all your mistakes
Have only done you more harm
You have to start a new life
To leave all the strife
Leave the past where it lay
Before this dying day

Lets take a trek to the top of the mountain
See whats there to behold
To come in away from the cold
Lets take a trek to the bottom of the valley
To come in away from the rain
Instead of suffering in the dank hard day

Take your life in your own hand
Change your mind and make your stand
Take your life in your own hand
Change your mind and make your stand

Your own pride has left you empty inside
Your own foolishness has left you empty inside
Your own ignorance has left you empty inside
Your own selfishness has left you empty inside

Now youve nothing left to do but wallow in pity
Stew in self loathing
Flounder in indifference
Enjoy your steely calm for this time being
Revenge is a beast best loosed enraged.

Cant hold her
Cant touch her
Cant see her
But love conquers all
And I Love Her

  Cant have her
Cant feel her
Cant taste her
But love conquers all
And I Love Her

  Cant breath her
Cant live her
Cant smell her
But love conquers all
And I Love Her

  Cant show her the affection she wants, at least not here.
Cant whisper those sweat nothings into her ear, at least not here.
Cant tell her how I feel by word of mouth, at least not here.


  Oh how things would be different if she were my slave.
Her ***  cherry red from the cane cause I cant touch her. Her mouth gagged so I cant hear her. Tied around her waist shes bound, can not move but off of ground.

  Oh if she were my slave, bowed before me at my feet she'd kneel, keeps her on an even keel. Tied her ankles hand and feet for my pleasure she would meat. A cat of nine tails should do just fine, shell never forget that she was mine.

  Oh the punishment would be swift, she would know that Master was miffed. Kiss my boots, she doesn't deserve the reward, her cries for release strike the wrong cord.  Spank her more she's not getting it right, they'd hear her scream, long into the night.

  Alas I digress, my slave she is not, but that does not mean my heart she's not caught. Collard her I have yet to do, but she will ware mine before we are through. I loved her now, Ill love her till death, for she is the one who took my last breath.

  She will give freely to me, her body mind and sole to do with as I see.
Ill be her Master strong and firm, gentle and loving ill watch her squirm. She might not ware my collar around, but I know she will before I go in the ground.

  Cant hold her
Cant touch her
Cant see her


  Cant have her
Cant feel her
Cant taste her

  Cant breath her
Cant live her
Cant smell her

Though I am not her Master, she is torturing me while she can.
Though she is not my slave, I'm her one and only, I'm her man.
Though I am paralyzed to do nothing for now, this will all change I hope some how...

Mine heart is broken
Crushed upon the shore.
For me there comes no reprieve
Or hope lasting evermore
I dare to dream
Yet cant envision life with this regret
Redeem myself I've yet to do
Have not I found but look for you
Haunting thoughts have yet to wither
In this dingy day
Mine eyes cant see what I imagine
Yet there your scolding image lay

At home in the foam
the oceans I roam
I move from place to place
with the water I displace
as I swim threough the sea
the water and salt evaporate me.

   Soothing the sounds that reach my ear
the seagulls and otters chattering away I hear.
Looking up at the spray catching my eye,
the sun, the sounds, the sights, I started to cry.
Beauty abounding everywhere that I look
sea sarounding me I savor the sareality in each little nook.

   Outstreching your hand, you reach for a cloud,
the shadow it casts an ominous shroud.
Watching in wonder and aw, the clouds stack high.
Amazed as the waves begin to pick up for a storm draws nigh.
Crashing about, the waves, and the wind, and the lightning crack.
Rain pounding before you, thrusting you to and fro, slapping your back.

   The motion continues to calm.
The sounds simply sooth all the noise away.
The light laguishing lovingly on lucious glowing skin.
She swims slowly beneeth me a giant blue whale slumbering past.

   Back to the ocean, at home in the foam of the sea.
the water and salt evaporate me.
Swiming through bliss not a care in the world.
Melting away as the wonders of the ocean call you to her, call you home.
To the water, and salt, and the sea, and the foam.

All the years Ive invested in our relationship
Now its just a sinking ship.
Everything Ive given, tried as hard as I know how.
All weve done and we still cant work it out.
She calls on the phone, Hear the steady drone.
Havent heard from her in weeks.
Where are you?
Are you sleeping with some other woman?
I told her if she acused me again then were done.
I cant do this anymore, its not fair to eather of us.
Its not fair to her.
All I gotta do is get a job and a place,
then everything will be back to normal.
But Ive had the job, the place to live, Ive given all I know to give.
There must be something more I can do, I cant hit the floor, I cant loose you.
I am, I have, its to late.
My mistake of the past of come to haunt me here, this is all a lie, I cant hold on, its all gone.
Cant loose you, cant loose me. If I loose me dont know what I will become in here.
Let me show you whats in here.
Let you know my fear, let you see my pain.
Though I tried in vain, tears fall loike rain.
Cant stop this love in my heart for this dove for whom I fall apart.
Though the years Ive come to know her fears.
Through the time Ive come to do the crime.
No matter what I say its the same everyday.
No matter what I do its all the same to you.
Through hers fears Ive come to taste her salty tears.
Through my life Ive come to cause her strife.
No matter what I know I cant ever go.
No matter what her gain I still cause her pain.
Even though I cant hide I still have to face my pride.
Even though I cant run still gotta stick to my gun.
I said the vow now I gotta figure how to make it work feel like such a ****.
Who am I trying to fool, who am I trying to school.
Cant tell me a **** thing Im allways rite.
My whole life is just a lie and Im allways wrong.
I know that now yet somehow Ive got to rite the wrongs Ive caused to those I love.
Knowing Im wrong doesnt make what Ive done rite and it dont make it none the easier for her.

I keep sitting here waiting.
Im waiting for the little red lite .
Im waiting for the little red lite on my phone.
Im waiting for that little red lite to turn blue.
When It does Ill pick up my phone expecting.
Ill pick up my phone expecting a text.

I dont know what im expecting to read in this text I only know what I sent.
I said what I feel, I know that much for sure. Im curious?
Im curious where I stand?
Im curious where I stand ?
I sit here and wonder am i waiting for some kind of edification
Am I waiting to hear that I triumph over another
Am I waiting to hear that Im Loved more or something
Who In the Hell am I trying to kid here
Whos eyes am I trying to pull the wool over
Ive been kidding myself for far to long
It makes no difference if I am loved more or not
It doesnt change the way I feel one way or the other
Im curious where I stand so I can be honest with myself
I need to know the man I see in the mirror every morning is the man I want to see

She calls everybody "love" so how is it special when She says it to me?
Ive never really noticed till now thats just her way I guess.

   Now Im torn again though not as bad as the first game of slight of heart!
Ive got to come to terms with the way I feel or let it drag me down this time for real.

   She captivates me completely and I seem not to hold her gaze and still I manage to torture myself into the dieing days.

  I beg her touch to free me from this My prison cell, Her face all that I see. I beg her touch to my heart relent to feel her skin again.

   She keeps me holding open the vail that hides away the things I like not to share. Share them all with her Ive done and Most Ive told no one else.

   I let myself float away so I can feel hows shes made me feel before and all I see Is her standing there looking up at me.

   She walk beside me hand in hand yet her hand is not the one I hold.
Attached it may be but its not givin freely, perhaps one day it will be so that I might be that close.

   Ill let myself out, I dont wish to overstay my welcome here so I will see myself to the door. Please dont, however, think of me as gone, Ill come back round from time to time just to see Whats new in town and see if and where you can be found...

Through wooded glen I walk
looking up at the rain entranced by it.
I'd drown myself in the beauty of it as it falls
if not for the role that death would play
The goosebump feel of its icy fingers gripping
me as it falls off of naked flesh.

Stepped gleefully across a stream
to peer into the crystal waters and watch swirls
of sunlight bounce off of the surface.
The fog rolled past  
tightened its already frigid hold on the earth below it.
I run my fingers through her soil  
caress her oceans, I am as much a part of her
as she is of me.

Ran into the wind feeling it hold me
and try to push me back, lapping all around
but hear not a sound.
She blew furiously through the wood
bending every bough, nearly snapping the saplings in two.
I feel it's warm and gentle embrace
as its fury is unleashed and it's power
is laid to bare on the intrepid soulls
she winds in and out of.

Watched as snow covered mountaintops
were engulfed by the oncoming storm clouds
that bring with them the life
giving rain I drown myself in.
Life renewed to be viewed
yet again by another eye who's wonder
it will capture who's imagination it will light.
Fuel for the fire that burns to create
to live and to enjoy
all that can be enjoyed.

In distant time the deed was done
The calm before the searing storm
The pain within consumes the whole
A piece that cant repent

Inside of me a demon fierce
Of darkest evil night
A struggle to make amends
If only for whats right

A life so bent so wrapped around
A single dark event
A life so torn in circumspect
By whom simply cant be bound

Mine life so frail as to exhale
And blow it all away
Mine soul so tainted as to have fainted
And crashed upon craggy ocean spray

Power consumed helplessness fueled
A wanting deep within
To have what  is not mine
And take whats is so freely there

As hamster is in spinning wheel
I chase what cant be caught
Cant see light at end of tunnel
Yet its always at my heel

Life so burdened within these walls
Cant escape these tortured halls
So ingrained is my own pain
Every attempt at life made in vain

Held captive in the hand of an unseen foe
Squeezed tight by the bonds that bring my demise
Forgive the foe within the mind
Release the bond that doth bind

Face the tide, face the time, face the demons in your mind
Face the truth, face the lie, face the time you had to hide
Hide away, not from me, hide away, not even from yourself
Hide away from the fact, the fact they drove you mad

Whos the they you ask, I dont know you replied
Whos the demon you ask, I dont know you reply
shhh who said that, not me, whos me, not you, you heard again
Whos voice was that, mine you said, but that wasnt me, who said that

I said that, whos I, I dont know who I am, I only know me
Whos me, again, I dont know, I only know who I am
Whos I then, me told you he doesnt know, but you do
You who, me, me who,me you, no I, I who, I me, no you me

Stop it, stop what, that, that  what, what you just did
What I do, that, that what, **** it your doin it again
It what, that, that what, this, this what, talkin to me, me who
Me, whos me, Me here in front of you, OH! you, Yes! Me

Know who I am now, No I dont, who are you
I am me, whos me, the person writing this
Oh, then if you're you, then who am I, You're me, no Im not
Yes you're me, you're just confused, No Im not, I know me

Do you, Yes I do, then prove it, who am I
You're you, then who is you, you is me, then who is me
Me is who I am, huh, I said me is who I am,
Whos me again, You, you who, me, me who, I, I am me and you

Oh! Now I get it, Oh wait, nope, I lost it, who am I again?

Thanx for the crumbs they taste great, they are a little green though. **** it I don't want crumbs, I don't want a piece of the pie, I want the whole **** thing.

Thanx for the bone, I gnawed on it all day, though I it was a bit green too. I'm sick of the bones, and I don't want scraps from your self indulgent plate. I want the whole **** steak.

Thanx for wasting my time. It took a while to do but I got it done and it was good but you wasted it anyway. Now I think I will Just burn it. I'm sure you wont mind, it's of no consequence to you.

They don't understand, That was my foot in the door that just got slammed in my face. Oh sure you'll use it on a secondary nature, tertiary at best. No prominence there, I guess you don't think the for front is good enough for the sounds you'll be making. Mine sounds are wailings.

Thanx for investing in me only to pull your offer back then wag it under my nose like yer teasing a dog. Its nice to know you believe in what I do. Its okay though, really, I can handle.another scar. They just add character.

But hey you gotta go with what's gonna work best for Your bottom line to pad your pockets, ***** the little Guy, He don't need to catch a break even if he shows he can do it the hard way. It was only my foot in the door but its okay, you didn't break it when you slammed the door shut on my face.

Thanx for your crumbs and bones. They taste great.

this ting  dat im feelin this hive in my mind
this singular consciousness of twisted thoughts
thoughts of what is wanted and of what can not be had

  strangely i hear a bird

this obsession of mine of these thoughts in my head
im still the odd one out a fifth wheel if you will
all of this incessant hurt inside of what i can not express

  strangely i feel a feather

why can i not see past this singularity this idea
this tangled tumultuous event in my mind a sty in my eye
i can not seem to pry it out this hive thought this

strangely i hear a chirp

all of this slow its making me mad and still it stays
this unrelenting thing that is selfish at me it plays
i want this maddening thing gone away far aways

strangely i feel a wing

yet this flies not away from me where I cant hear or feel or see this thing that drives at me and maddens to the sickening of me the passion the intensity of this thing I feel and see
this thing I want and can not have it slowly to will drive me mad this insatiable feeling to posses the passion it must hold because it makes me feel in me a thing ive never had for me and stirs me how it does how can i hold it back and still see whats right in front of me this thing I want but can not have these feelings that burn inside and wont fly away i must betray i do in word the thing that has a hold on this part of the one of i see...

She slipped away, right through my fingers
I watched her and was powerless to stop it.

  She poured through my hands as if water to the sands
I couldnt retrieve a single grain  from where she left her vibrant stain

   She was, or so I thought, a way out of this dismal place
Now here I sit longing to run my fingers lovingly down her face

   She sits there now, far away, across the room deepening my gloom
I reach for her from afar to feel her arms save me from terrible doom

   I watched her slip away and vainly wished her stay, in fact I even begged.
Nothing, not a grin or glance or stair or inclining of a care.

   I sit here more confused and feeling somewhat used, knowing that I cant have whats being sought by the bleeding ***** on the floor under the boards creaking and groaning. Its all I hear, the constant fear, that she will leave. My heart on sleeve is waring out its welcome kept so I dont pout.

   I watched her slip away, the sand simply moved to swiftly for me to keep pace. I could not see past the feeling in me to simply watch her walk away and always in my heart stay. So I reach for her hand In hopes that she will take my heart instead, but I must have hit my head, cause Im fuzzy inside but heavy and insecure.

   I want her for my own but her I can not have for her affections are not just to me but to another whom I see as a brother to the likes of me. Now I find myself in the same boat I was in as a knee high to a grasshopper, loosing what I want too a longer time from start and Im trying not to fall apart.

I walk through life hoping to find that something that will get me through. I live in a world that has been created by forces outside my control and frankly that scares me. I seem to feel alone all of the time even though there are millions of people around me, I dont see them all I can see is there fasad, that face they put on so people cant know the real them. For some reason or another we all feel the need to hide who we really are, maybe its so we dont get hurt, maybe so we dont feel pain or anger or frustration from the real us. Im sick of hiding who I am, Im not afraid to get hurt, im not afraid to feel. I am just a person looking for the point to this inane existence. I cant figure out what it is that im supposed to do, so I run from everything hoping I wont have to, but im tired of running. If any one can tell me what the point is, then please do because im out of breath and cant run any more. If the to my friend blog was about me then maybe you can help.

She is wonderful
I'd stare at her picture for hours
  Hell I'd even give her flowers.

  She is beautiful
I'd listen to her voice for days
  Hell I'd even give her praise.

  She is gorgeous
I'd look at her reflection for weeks
  Hell I'd even give her tweeks

  She could smell the flowers and know shes wonderful.
She could use the praise to feel better when shes beautiful
She could use the tweeks to feel shes gorgeous.

  I cant get enough of the softness of her voice.
Curious, does her skin feel the same as soft as I think her lips to be.
Im not that geek anymore. Im not the kid in the corner of the class.

  Speak softly to me oh lips of your, tell me what is now in store.
I dont believe I told her, that Im falling faster for her.
She has this way that makes me melt, every kiss and touch is felt.

When clouds fade away revealing beautiful day. A tone is set for us take the way. When eyes are bleeding from the fleeting. A tempo is reached for those beseech and those traveling weary on there way. When tears have groan to fill the heart and years have gone by to cover the pain of self regret. Are there none here whom cant see the evil we create. When mournful crys turn to tormented lullabies and the harbinger stands ready at your door. Do you finally see the pain Ive shown for all these years before.Theres nothing left but to confess the pain I feel each day. When I see my self and know that I cant get away. After all the tears and all the years, after all the clouded jaded judgment passed I still feel the pain so vast. As the knife cuts away the eyes that see this torment and the heart that feels this hate, theres nothing that can be done to make this pain abate.

Maybe im the one who doesnt see whats rite in front of me

Maybe im the one who cant hear whats being said

Maybe im the one whos always wrong even when others say im rite

Maybe im the one who needs to leave before you start the fight

Maybe im the one who needs to say im sorry if ive done nothing wrong

Maybe im the one who caused all the trouble in the past

Maybe im the one who will make you laugh just to laugh

Maybe im the one who knows who you really are inside

Maybe im the one whos been jaded by society

Maybe im the one who has nothing to say

Maybe im the one who has nothing to show

Maybe im the one you here when you cant sleep

Maybe im the one you see out of the corner of your eye

Maybe im the one who whispered in your ear and just kept walking bi

                           But then again Maybe not

In life there are tribulations, mistakes
that can not be changed, hard lessons to
learn. Walk down that rode the one that
forks at the end. You've been there before
you'll go there again. You've chosen the
left and it was wrong. So why do you choose
it yet again? You've chosen the right and
you have seen that it was rite. So why do
you not choose it now? Why must you continue
to make the same mistakes? Do you not see?
Do you not learn? Is every rode you walk
down forked at the end? Can it not bee that
you are condemned to commit the same egregious
errors with every intrinsic decision you
make? Can it not bee that it is within your
power to change such a devastating fate.
Maybe it is not, but you shall soon see!

Death does not **** it self, but lives within itself

Subsisting on failed dreams and shattered hopes

Believing only in lost love and misguided deeds

Needing only to come knocking at hearts door

and bring the recipient to a different reality

For though who grieve the dead and dying they need only see what lay on the other side of deaths door

For those who believe, death dose not come to destroy family, friends or love, but to make stronger the ties that bind those hearts together for ever.

Death is never takin seriously until someone close to you dies. When someone commits SUICIDE where do they go? Why is it that even if you expect IT to happen sometime, it still hurts when IT does? Why is it that those closest to you seem to be the ones that DIE first? Who am I to turn to when there isnt anyone there ? One of my best friends KILLED himself today, I dont know how to handle IT. I know IT hurts inside like a piece of me was KILLED with him. I know that I feel guilty for thinking that he was a cowered for doing IT. I dont think I should, should I. I know he wouldnt have wanted me to cry for him but I still did. I was just thinking of him today too before I heard the NEWS. I'm still crying inside. YOU SUNOFABITCH WHY DID YOU DO IT?

It hurts to see, in front of me, a broken beauty bee to see.
Hear I do,  a tear or two, fall right through, the air to you.
Nothing done, I can not take, but heal the heart, I did not break.

Mend it slowly with gentle touch and gentle word.
Does not take, but what is want, gives back not but what is no.
Hearing only through the heard, seeing only, vision blurred.

Pleading out, attention needed. Coming through, broken bleaded.
Desperately, clawing, shaking. Holding to, what is breaking.
Panic now, tole is taking, setting in all this faking.

Realization of the fear.  All is not, end is near.
Groping wildly in the dark for a smolder or a spark.
Finding nothing but the coals, broken, bitter, all these wholes.

Pictures, pieces, fragmented life, senseless vision, blurry knife.
Edges faded, whole or part, from beginning to the start.
Turned and went, the other way, now forever, gone to stay.

Put together, take apart, all the pieces of the heart.
Whole again, to make of it. Every piece, broken, bent.
Rifled through, figured beat. Two hearts whole, both complete.