Disarray and disaster, distrust and discord
The tools we use to shoe how easily confused
Fragile and frightened we truly are

   Flounder through life hoping beyond hope
Stumble into a friend to safely guide us through
Remembering all the while how afraid we are

  For what we dont understand and what we can not see
We flinch and flail hoping to keep the demons at bay
Hoping they wont see us cringing in the corner of your shattered mind

  Frightened and frail I stumble into reality
Bleeding bruised and broken I search for you
Regretfully I ask of thee to take me in this insipid little child

  Please you must understand how fragile is mine soul
Plead with thee I must do help me return from this tortured place
I'm in here some ware hiding find me help me back upon my feet

  I trust you know ware I am you will surely find me there
You can help me to understand yours and mine fears
I'll be waiting for you there just under the fringes of reality I hide

  Misdeeds and misgivings anthers life held limp in your hands
Time wasted worrying about what you cant control or understand
You want what others cant have and give nothing for what you cant get

  My fear holds you captive a bond unbreakable by love or trust
Your will to survive in an imagined world plagued by guilt and loathing
Became your weakness became your pain your enemy my friend and foe

  This is ware it all will end ware I am and you begin
This is the place ware we feel love the same as ware we feel hate
That blurry line between real and imagined the gray between your lobes.

We're as fake as the plastic melting under our skin

The collective imagination of a societal binge

Our beauty is a mask, a lie told to us by magazines

The product of industrial dreams, all fantastic schemes

We live in a Barbie Doll world, where we worship fake *******

We lift weights at Gold's Gym while we pound our huge chests  

We know nothing of true beauty, under the façade of the Glossy

Eight by Ten



We cover our blemishes and we can't even be comfortable in our own skin

We are infatuated with the surface, skin deep, lustful of the pretenses  

Our masks hide our vulnerabilities and our true intent

While reality is crumbling at our feet and we hide beneath a veneer of

A glossy face shot, the airbrushed images on the cover-girl-poster-boy-pin-up centerfold

   We've lost sight of the aged and the gifts they hold

Celebrities ride around in window tinted limousines, so they can't be seen but we're so pretty that we have to preen



The paparazzi all want the next shot for the next scandal but they airbrush that too

We are so busy believing the lies that we have become afraid of the truth

Camera's are as ubiquitous as grass and our privacy is all but laughable while our smiles aren't genuinely affable

We post pictures of ourselves on Facebook, yet our self esteem could use a second look

We talk each other up and beat each other down, but we're keeping it onehundred while hiding a frown

We've become fast paced and slow witted, we're breaking the seams that our families knitted

We place beauty on a pedestal and worship at its alter, but we fail to foster true beauty in our children and wonder why they falter



We listen to society and shun our parents, our role models have become degenerates

We allow our little girls to  dress like tramps and wear makeup and our little boys don't respect them and treat them like toys

And we wonder why they cut themselves  

We pay movie stars and football players millions so we can entertain ourselves

But we can't pay our teachers enough to educate the masses

yet it's okay to collect a check and sit on our *****

And our troops don't have the armor they need because of our self indulgent greed

We forget about the little guy as we climb the corporate ladder to survey the sky at the top

But when the **** goes down, we can't pick up a mop

We won't lift a finger to lend a hand because we're so afraid of our fellow man

I will move forward
I will move on, I will not be beat down
I will not be broken or bruised.
I will not stop, I will trudge on no matter what
lay ahead around the shadowed corner.
I will venture forth the world to gain,
nothing to slow me down.
I am not the victim nor will
I play the antagonist.
I am my own hero, I will save me from
myself and I will not play the protagonist.
I play only the part I wish never the part
Im given and only the part
I want to play at that time.

I am my own person and no one can or
will ever change the me I wnat to be for me.
I can take on the world or watch it all go by.
You see thats my choice
not yours to make for me,
for fear of the unknown or
for fear of what cant be seen.
I refuse to live in the fear that binds you because
I refuse to be bound by fear or controlled
by what consumes you, your hate your only friend.
I am not your enemy, I dont want to fight you
and would rather be left alone .
I am not here to take over
or to usurp your power of position
or your stature among warriors.
I am no threat to you but please
do not misunderstand me, I will not bow down.
I will not kiss your feet
I will not kneel at your the sound of your coming.
I will not throw myself at your feet
for you to gain power over me.
You control me no more than you control your goldfish,
Im not your slave not your servant.
I am my own man,
My own being, My own person,
I am not afraid of  you nor should you be afraid of me.
I will help you if I can
but expect nothing in return.
I help mearly for the enjoyment of helping.
I am who I am because of all of the singular events in my life
both as a child and as
I continue to age that have shaped me.
I am who I am because of the choices
Ive made that have put me where I am now.
Like me or Hate me I am Me.
I never asked you your opinion so
I will thank you to keep it to yourself.
I never gave you my opinion but
if youd like I can I can even promise you wont like it.
I never said I liked you
or wanted to be your pal
so get out of my face I beg of you.
I never said I hated you or that you where my enemy
so please if you like say hello
but I dont promise to say hello back.
I never said I wanted to make your company
but if you must know
my name is whoever I chose to be at that time.

No really I enjoy your company,
come on over any time just
dont expect me to be your best friend
or to be the most welcoming host.
I am who I am because I like me the way I am,
If you dont like me that way then
I dont need you as a friend.

Come to me mine blossom divine
Come to me and put your hand in mine

Let our hearts melt into the blue
Let me show love of the truest hue

Your my hearts desire my only bliss
You set me free and gave me this kiss

Your life in my hand your love in my heart
Let us be together never falling apart

Lay down beside you and hold you forever
Lay down beside me and keep me together

Mine love will not diminish nor fade away
My heart only grows fonder each and every day

My love and my bliss only to you I give
Poring through hearts open door as a sieve

I'll take no other to be my own
For what I did will never happen again.

Crashing before me, hysteria grows, gripping me tightly, deep in its throes.
Ripping and gnashing, its teeth shining white, killing my sanity, swift with one bight.
Splitting apart, my seams at each stitch, something misfired, must be a glitch.
Faster, still growing, this hysteria prides itself for knowing the  insanity it guides.

Was I told this to comfort, to quiet or placate or pacify me, was I told this to soften, to butter me up, or just shut me out?
Why do I feel like a cats toy, your amusement when boredom sets in?
Why did you say those things you said, those  things I have so long wanted to hear since discovering this new side of myself.
Since being able to show this side of myself. Since being able to be open and honest with myself. And isnt that what everyone tells everyone, whenever someone is dealing with what I am going through, what we are going through? Dont they always say "you have to be honest with yourself"?
Well this is me being honest with me. I aint tryin to hide how I feel inside, about what I read and this aint in my head, cause I saw what I saw in your eyes what was in your head when I read what you said. You said to me, my one and only you want me to be, my slave, your Master you want for me.
Why did you, would you, how could you say that if you didnt mean it?
Why did I, would I, how could I feel that if I didnt mean it?
Because felt it profound, the words all around, in my head the things that you said, that reaction to the  words that I read. It took my breath away, faint felt I, to be sure.
And now Im chewed up and spit out. I get to have a new reaction to what my eyes were given to glean. This aint putting my hysteria at bay, I feel this, this blur, a smudge of yesterday.

Sanity slipping quickly away, for fear of loosing, I can not stay.
Hear I have, things I never wanted to know.
Now Im thinking clear. I guess I should just go.
Didnt think it mattered, this hysteria scattered . I just wish I knew, How the **** do I feel according to you.
This is not normal, these hysterics I sheath, holding so tightly I can not breath.
Twisting and churning, deep down inside, nor running away from the feelings I hide.
I so enjoy being toyed with, its so fun for you. These things running around these things that I see.
I got everything told me completely twisted up, cause it didnt mean **** thing you silly pup.
I just let out the thing that I hid and wish I didnt feel what I did.
Now I guess Im supposed to pretend, I felt nothing from what was said in the end.

I want my life back
I want my wife back
Want everything back that I lost
Im willing to pay the ultimate cost
Put my back against the wall and then I lost it all
Wake most mornings sad I gotta face another day
Wake most nights trying to keep the tears away
I have to face the truth no matter what its become
You try and make me wait
You try to say the way its all going to go
That I wont stay but I cant I just cant do this anymore
Its taring me apart, my heart laying on the floor
Im standing at the door waiting to come into my own
My sole laid bare for all to see
But still she cant see me
From all that she read
From all that Ive said
I may as well be dead
Standing rite in front of her yet she still doesnt know me
I cant do this anymore
My heart lying at the door
Its all been a lie and its to hard to try
I cant fix it now even if I cry
Standing out in the cold with nobody to hold
Im all alone with my fears
I cant change the past nine years
I dont want to leave
I have to have some reprieve
From all the pain Ive caused
And now that I see just what your love means to me
I feel that have to run
Now that all here is done.

Start a new, dreams in dew, I run to you.
Whisp away, fields for hay, I run to stay.

   Stay away, there you find, bitter emotions fray.
Step away a piece, look long back, may wonders never ciece.

   Things can change, rarely do and still I run to you.
Still I stay, never stray, never did I lay another down.

   Forgive forget but I can not, my human side is cuaght.
Fight I still, battles raged, for controle inside myself.
  
   Everything to the surface, bubbles from the deep.
Memories, still not faded, where painfull things I keep.

   So this new thing, the wound it bleeds,
but I did it to myself. Now for the heeling, to start it all again.

   To start it fresh, to start it new, to write what has yet to be lived.
In the end I do what I do and I continue to Love you. As much now, even more than then, than I ever have, your my best friend. I cant get you from my head, cause of all the things youve said. I think about the me in you and remember that you love me too. I think about the you in me and remember that I love who I see. I remember how I said hello. Where we'd go, we didnt know. We didnt care. I think about you every day, your steeling a piece of my heart away.

Give it back or keep it from me, my stolen piece of heart. Bleeding out all the love follow it to me, for your own eyes to see. All the love it followed you, rite to wear you keep me too. Another one for you to savor, so you dont forget the love is from the pieces of my heart.
I gave it away and there youll stay till my dying breath.
Dont forget who gave it to you that last piece that you have. Im here for you if your ready. I promise, safe and steady...

My dying Angel I'm sorry that I lied,
Cause even though I tried, I know that I cried,
When I could not save you and you died
I should have held my tongue, but how could I know,
That an Angels life was on the line and I'd have to watch her go.
   My dying Angel, glowing in your blood,
My eyes  have never witnessed such a peaceful death.
Like white hot embers rising from the fire,
Pieces of her drift slowly out of view.
Cast thine eyes toward the heavens, look with your heart
And there you will find her.
   My dying Angel W hat is there I can do to help the?
Quickly though I realized, it was only that I knew, no help indeed was needed.
I hear the light escaping to the stars, going back to hence it came, to live a life a-new.
So on I go knowing, what an Angel must go through, to protect their charge
ever watchful of impending heavy burden, death and doom and gloom.
   But what happens when an Angel dies is a bewilderment in beauty and peacefulness
and few have ever witnessed all that Angels do. So to my dying Angel,
I say thank you, for everything that I did not know you've done.
But still I stand before her crying, because I did not know that this was one.

In the untimely event of my demise
Someone please pluck out my useless eyes.
Because when death comes to take its' tole,
I wish not to see that empty hole.

Dark and dingy musty earth,
rot and rancid smells at birth,
doth contend to trust not worth.
Bring forth out of filth and mire to purge mine nose of its' desire

Hear mine ears the worms that squirm,
below that massive earthen berm.
Cast out the sounds of pleading death,
take no more from lungs, my one last breath.

Feel the roots clawing through skin,
take not heed of where the've been.
Covered dirt to marrowed bones,
death waits for the to fill its' catacombs.

Taste of the thy wretched dung,
flick out of the thy evil tongue.
Speak not for grace in such a place,
where time has rendered the thy final resting place.

Im not sure I know you
Im not sure you know me
Im not sure were on the same side
Im not sure we care
Im not looking to make friends
And I dont want to be yours
So lets get one thing straight
We dont have to pretend
We dont have to continue our vitriolic diatribe
And I dont care if you like me or not
Cause I dont like you
You act like you dont know me
When you see me at the store
So why do you pretend to
When you see me on the street
Or when we meet in the less than public eye
I looked to my past to see my mistakes
I have made many but Im not pretending I didnt
I looked to your past to see the pain you create
Rampant it runs in the naked streets of society
I blame no one they wer my wrongs to make
You pave freeways with your guilt and shame
Ill try to forgive your wrongs a task I loath to do
You walked by me and turned your face shutting your eyes
I hid my pained expression from your loathsome lies
Ware do you think we went wrong
When we signed the contract on our lives
In our frightful state there is no room for enemies
However must we play best friends
I didnt wish to shake your hand
When you jutted out your grungy palm
We make friends on our own terms
So Ill thank you to take a bath
For our enemies multiply exponentially over night
You try we try so much in vain to be noticed and we forget ware we are
So now we cant see past our hate or our foolish pride
We continue the blood letting in back alleys
I dont care if we cant clear our brains long enough
I dont want to see the stupidity that put us hear
I already know were all dying Cause somehow we quit fighting
We dont love one another and look ware it got us
We fight wars for causes we know nothing of
So why are we being stewards for the world
When we have none for ours.

I wander along these empty streets and wonder when im going to get to ware I dont have to go.
I wonder if I'll wind up dead and how I got to ware I am.
I wonder ware the day will carry me and ware Im going to lay down my head.
I try to find comfort in the smallest thing only too realize there is nothing there.
I simply wander aimlessly and hope I dont hit a ****** tree.
Yet maybe if I did that would help heel the wound left there by the ******* free
Heal the wound that floes so free so for all of you and me too see
Heal the wound that floes so free put there by humanity
Heal the wound that cant be healed. put out the fire that doesnt burn

Feed the hungry, help the pore, find whats real and do some more
Look upon this empty earth and see what we have to birth
Look upon her sad and lonely face , she takes you away to another place
A world that you dont see from here ware you can think that its not real

I wander along these empty streets trying to make since of this
I wonder ware im going to go from here that really isnt too important to care

Heal the wound that cant be healed, put out the fire that doesnt burn.

et go the bird that doth not fly
Release the prisoner whom do no harm
Let run the horse hast he no legs

Does not the heart beating within thine own chest
Scream to be released from its cage of bone
Does not the soul held within the walls of flesh and blood
Plead to be set free free of its fleshly grave

Can not you hear the crimson tide of blood and bile
Gurgling in your ears to flow upon this baron land
Does not the pulsating between your fleshy lobes
Beg to explode gray matter into space so cold

Use your head your really dead this is all an illusion
Think about it this cant be that which really isn't there
Nothing for your eyes to see so is it dark in there
Nothing for your ears to hear so have you gone def

Do you really feel the pain burning deep within
Is your insanity driving the living mad from your rantings
Are you paranoid theyll dig up your pallid bones
Will there mournful cries drive you from your grave
To haunt the men and children of your disdain

Will the love they had become anew in your rotting heart
Will the freedom they held become your captor
Relentless as it may be but your pain is for eternity
Youll never harm another as you have done before

Youll stand at the gates of hell and time anguishing in misery
Youll beg of fleshly fiends to do your biddings no more
All the while you remember the lifes you stole
From those you were to week and embarrassed to ****

Believe in that which cant be seen
Remember that which was told of you
Your only mortal but time and death
Will take their toll and come calling at hearts door

Death has come with its misgiving
Blood has boiled in your veins
Hear the whisper of the living
As the screaming of the dead
See the blood that leaves its stains
As the making of your graveyard bed.

In this world, in this time, in this space
I feel as though there is no embrace
As if I cant escape this hollow face
In this life, in this strife, in this face
A love so real it cant take place
A heart so healed it cant feel your disgrace
A soul so bright it is your long embrace
Come unto this love of mine
Feel whats there to be had
Come unto this love divine
Take whats here and dont be sad
Dispose of hate to embrace love
Dispose of pain to embrace pleasure
Dispose of jealousy to embrace acceptance
In this world for all that is right and true
Nothing can take away the love we've shared
Let not those that are against you pain you
Deceive not those whom love you
Heal the broken soul so that it can fly
Let these words take you ware they will.

Nothing in life is so bold as to give it
Up. To that end we guard it tirelessly.
We do whatever is necessary to keep it
We will fight to the ends of the earth
To stay alive and free. Yet we are so
Blinded by our struggles and pursuits
For a greater more rewarding life, that
We don't see the life we are taking
We see it every day yet ignore. Read it
In the paper yet don't understand. Watch
It on television yet don't give it a
Second thought or a first glimpse. We
Deny it at every turn, yet try to protect
It from every onslaught. Life and freedom
So ingrained that we cant see past our
Physical form. Yet in these words I betray
My loathing of it. My acknowledgment of life
My denial of life My betrayer. My mind in
Life My power in life My supremacy.
And I am week!

POOR MY HEART OUT
LET MY SOLE SPILL TO THE GROUND
LET ME BE FOUND
LET THIS MAN COME TO LIFE
LET THIS BOY GO
THIS BOY WHO STOOD BEFORE YOU
ASKED ONLY THAT YOU LOVE HIM
THIS BOY YOU TURNED AWAY
IS THE MAN STANDING HERE TODAY
THE AGGRAVATION IN HIS VOICE
BUILT UP FROM YEARS WITHOUT A CHOICE
NOW THE MAN YOU SEE IS SO DESPERATELY
TRYING TO BE HEARD EVEN IF ONE WORD
ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE KNEW NO LOVE
ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE WASNT BORN RIDING ON A SILVER SPOON
BUT WITH WHAT HE KNOWS NOW
HE WILL FIND A WAY SOMEHOW
TO FILL THE VOID IN HIS CHEST AND DO WHAT HE DOES BEST
TRIED THE CHURCH, HYPOCRITES
TRIED THE THE DRUGS, LOST HIS SENSE
TRIED THE FAME, JUST A GAME
NOW HES BLAZING HIS OWN **** PATH AND THEY AINT NO SHAME IN THAT
SO UNTIL YOU CAN EXCEPT THIS BOY TURNED MAN, LEAVE HIM BE, LET HIM STAND.

yesterday i wandered away from myself
i found myself looking back at what i thought was me
but the someone looking through the mirror didnt see

the someone not seen didnt know i was looking and felt left out
the left-out one looked around and seen all that had been looked in on and stepped out of the mirror to go back from then on

then on went the symphony of the seeing and the seen all that is there to be seen is there right in front of what i thought was me
on with all the looking and seeing back at me

yesterday i wandered away from me to see the other mees that visit every once in a while and i find i like all the mees i see even if they cant see me

i broke the me seeing mirror i was getting bored with it i started to see the me that i didnt want to see the twisted feeble dying old me
that scares me the feebleness the frailty of it all

i put the pieces of my me seeing mirror in a dresser drawer
so i could put them back together again when i am that feeble old me so that hopefully ill see the me i want to see again.

i know that me is still there and that me sees me now looking at it wondering the same thing as i is that the me i used to see when i saw the feeble me old dying me that me scares me.

so the me i see broke the me seeing mirror cause he was scared of me...

Im ******* Im hurt
My senses are burnt
Im numb from waist down
My head is spinning

You hurt my feelings
When you screamed
Cause it seemed
That you screamed
For me working

Why do I bleed
When you cry to me
I make me dream
That your not hurting

Ive been thinking lately my rose
That I love you

Twisted inside me
My insides are wrenching
Freedom at stake
If I am fake

Must be real with
Those that I wish
If I am to
Have what I miss

So glad for you
Without Im through
Thank you my rose
For being with me

Severed my self
From you for me
Why cant I see
That you need me

My thoughts are reeling
I dont want you
To think I hate you
Please dont hate me

I wish I could
Tell you what I feel
When you hold me
Softly while I sleep

To you deeply
My love I spread
Softly whisper
Your name from my lips

Hold me in your arms
Cover me from my harms
Take me inside you
To give you what I choose

You get from my soul
I give with pleasure
To your heart forever
To love you for always

With always from forever
I swear myself all pieces
Unto you to do with as you choose
Take care of me for I am fragile
And easily broken.

I am the unseen in the corner of the seen

I am that which you hear but cannot hear

The thing, incipient, in the corner of your mind

The way and truth of the kind

I am that which you fear but you know nothing of fear



Here, in this place, you are lost to me, you are dead to me

Here, now, I see only a vacant spot

A diminutive existence of what used to be, a nothing, a void

You are an empty shell dashed on your own hardened heart

That little less than a piece of falling apart



You are the beginning of the falling apart.

A waste of time and space

You are disgraced among men of your kind

And in time you will be nothing more

Than a forgotten fragment of memory.

Green hat sat red worn
Blocked by empty vision
Red hat lay green torn

In this world I've been lost for over 30 years
Until you found me and helped me shed my tears
For I know somewhere in this heart of despair
I'll find the strength to heal this tare
Within this broken heart
Are pieces falling apart
Within this broken soul is
The life that has come apart
Inside your mind I will find
The piece of me I need to see
Inside my heart I'll take apart
The piece of me that can not be
I've come a long way in this slowly dying day
When all is lost and nothing can be gained
I'll find my way and there I'll stay
Been lost through all these years
Shed many a torrential decaying tears
Mine heart will heal mine soul awake
My mind be the my pain to free
Mine time is come to leave behind these fears.

I hate this,
this hate I feel.
Is it simply imagined or is it really real?
It didnt set out to be this way, this thing inside where I hold no say.
This cant be how I feel, so I know this isnt ******* real.

  It was fine till it got broken, now I cant fix this treasured token.
Doesnt matter what I do, and no this sadness is not from you.
It started before all of that, now the pain becomes a bat.
Crashing hard across my skull, all the feeling void and null.
Wake up screaming in the night, memories dreamed a dreadful fright.

  Thankfully a slight reprieve, nothing doing I didnt leave.
Now however here I am, someone I hope will give a ****.
Something inside I want pushed out, I hardly know who I scream about.
I cant undo what has been done, but **** you anyway oh the fun.

  I hate this,
this hate I feel.
Is it imagined or is it real.
I didnt put it there so I need to put it out
  I hate this,
this hate I feel. THIS ******* SUX,  IT CANT BE REAL!!!

As the fire builds from tips of toes so too do the woes.

Oh my the passion rising from depths of lust to the core of wanting

A MUST.

I must have that which is denied, the kind of thing seen but not eyed.

I must posses that beautiful being, I am in need of her heartened sting.



She tickles and teases her way from my toes and on up my legs her passion goes.

She stops just short of my yearning thighs and whispers sweet nothings, "hellos and goodbyes"

She continues her fingers on their wonton ride. Motionless, breathless, she lies in wait as she claws at my side.

Bighting back the sting of the pain, I writhe in ecstasy as I scream out her name.

She digs in deeper, drawing tears to my eyes. I moan softly and whimper, covering my cries.

Demanding I do as she tells me to do, I fall to my knees and worship her shoe.

She demands attention and have it she will. She is my passion, my fire and thrill.

I would shine upon the gloom
I would take away the frown
Granted your wish to me

I would bloom in your heart
I would comfort your soul
Growing in the ****

I would watch over you my child
I would help you along your path
Blessing fall upon you

I would desire to come true
I would write a life anew
Sleep in love my child

I would think only of peace
I would think only of you
Think of me always.