derelictmemory

derelictmemory Jul 2013

I know how it feels
to be tossed aside
I know how it feels
to be a wastage of life

I know how it feels
to be looked down upon
I know how it feels
to be the only fish in the pond

I know how it feels
to be such a burden they bear
I know how it feels
to have feelings that can't be shared

I know how it feels
that ache in your chest
I know how it feels
to be the worst at your best

I know how it feels
to be cast aside, looked over
I know how it feels
as your inner demons grow bolder

I know how it feels
to feel unloved
I know how it feels
to want to go under

But trust me, my dear
it isn't worth it
life will definitely be
worth the wait

I know how it feels
to still be waiting ten years down
I know how it feels
to have that permanent frown

And yes, I'm still waiting
but I still keep hoping
for one day
I'll finally be happy
hopefully
maybe
possibly

derelictmemory Jul 2013

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
The petals begin to die

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
The heavens start to cry

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Let out a collective sigh

The drudgery of life
The need to avoid strife
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

It's all in your mind
A fabrication
Imagination
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

In and out
Up and down
They go as they come
They bring gladness as they leave sadness
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

Deathly still
As still as death
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye
I've been told to move on

As young and beautiful
As a newborn fawn
As broken and doubtful
As a mind so torn

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye
You have left us tonight
You're nowhere in sight
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

The moss spreads
The dust collects
Decrepit but not dead
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

I've been told I'm wasting my life
I've been told to let go
I know it's all true
It's something I must do
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

You left
and now, I'd like to leave too
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

No.

A simple word
A simple meaning
All over my mind
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

I won't let you go
I refuse to do so
You embody life
A life I wish was mine

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

You said goodbye,
not on purpose, of course
But they said goodbye
on purpose.

Who do I believe?
The living or the dead?
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
It's the only word in my mind.

derelictmemory Jul 2013

Alphabets

A
is the ache
You leave behind
when you leave

B
is the broken
Person I was
before I had you

C
is the carvings
on my wrist
that you kiss

D
is the sense of defeat
I often felt
when I was alone

E
is the elatedness
that fills me
when we speak to each other

F
is the friends
that I made
because you believed I had to give them
a chance

G
is the good
I can finally see
that's always been around me

H
is the hope
that you give me
that I'll see another day

I
is the imagination
that graces my mind
when I think of you

J
is the joy
that you give me
even when you're gone

K
is the kindness
you showed me
that fixed me

L
is the love
that I feel
because I have you

M
is the time I mourned
when you were gone
for good

N
is the newness
of the empty feeling I get
now that you left

O
is being ostracized
because I'm too depressing
to be around

P
is the pain
I feel when I see
Happy couples everywhere

Q
is the quiet
indifference I feel
towards every **** thing

R
is the refrain
it takes me
not to plunge that knife
into my throbbing heart

S
is the suffering
I feel to get through
every ******* day

T
is the torture
I put myself through
looking at our old photographs

U
is the underwhelming
need to live
dissipitating day by day

V
is the vows
you promised to make
but you didn't make it.

W
is the words
you used to say
to make the pain go away

X
is the mark
on the calender
of the anniversay we didn't have

Y
is the question
I ask everyday
since you died

Z**
is the end
of this poem
of our love
forever

All these alphabets
mean something to me
no amount of morphine
Takes the pain away from me

You made me happy
and now that you're gone
I'm back to the ghost
I once was

derelictmemory Jul 2013

My favourite colour

I love the colour
of everlasting sunsets
orange yellow purple blue

I love the colour
of laughter
so free and uplifting

I love the colour
of smiles
so bright, such shine

I love the colour
of flowers
so beautiful, so wonderful

I love the colour
of the ocean
so filled with mystery and danger

I love the colour
of clouds
sometimes so pure, other times so sad

I love the colour
of trees
Green, Autumn, Yellow, Warm

I love the colour
of hugs
so caring, so understanding

But most of all
My favourite colour ever
would be of love
so hopeful, so brilliant
the colour that surrounds me
every time I see you

derelictmemory Jul 2013

My Type of Guy

He has to understand,
I'm not a happy girl
even if I pretend that I am.
If I feel that he's getting too close,
I'll push him away
so he'll have to keep a good grip on me
so I can't escape.

I'm a hopeless romantic,
so I love cheesy things.
But I like having fun.
I like playing games.

But I'm volatile.
I can be happy one minute
and be sad the next.

He's gotta know this,
so he can run away
while I'm not that attached yet.

derelictmemory Jul 2013

The Table

There was a table
a lone table
where she sat
with her group of friends

One day, one left.
Another day, another left.

From the group of friends
it became a duo
from the duo
she was left alone

And still
there she sits
there she waits
hoping one would come back

But they never do
and she sits there still
because if she ever left
it would mean
she gave up on her friends

And she hasn't
not yet
because she still believes the best
she hopes they'll come back

There was a lone table
an empty table
with a girl
who had no one
but waited for everyone

derelictmemory Jul 2013

Who am I

Who am I?
Who am I to claim
that heartbreak is the worst pain?
Who am I to feel so broken
when someone else truly is broken?

Who am I to say
the hurt I feel is unbearable
when there are people
losing limbs around the world?

Who am I to feel so sad
when my life isn't as bad
as those you live
in overlooked poverty?

Who am I to say
that this pain in my heart
won't go away
while there are people without hearts?

Who am I to wish for death
when somewhere else
people cry for their loved ones
who have passed?

Who am I to believe
that there is no one worse
than I?

Who am I to say
that I am in fact depressed
when somewhere else
someone is in distress?

Who am I to love
when my love leads
To sadness and headaches
suffering heartaches

Who am I to be worth
the love you want to give?
I am no one significant
I am nothing compared to the world

Who am I to cry
when I have a family
when I have friends

Who am I to try
to **** my soul everyday
While someone breathes their's out
for the last time

I am no one.
I am nothing.
I should not be sad.
I should not be depressed.
I am overexaggerating.
That is why no one listens.
I am insignificant.
No one would want a girl
like me
I am a liar.
I am ( try to be )
happy
I am no one.
I am just a shadow.
My issues don't matter.
For I am just another
girl with a heavy heart
wanting a fresh start.

I don't know why I wrote this. What does it matter though. I'm just another angsty teen. My emotions are irrelevant. My slates are clean. So what if there's meaning? I can't compare to poverty. I can't compare to losing a part of my body. I can't compare to losing my mind. I am no one. Just another misfit, another overemotional mess.