As I lay in bed awake,
My head contains feelings I cannot shake.
I try to count the jumping sheep,
But my brain chimes in with it's obnoxious peep.
I watch the hours as I lose my sleep,
Wishing my mind would numb
So I could drift away.
The night haunts me as I lay.
Visions of you and I, pass by,
As the emotions sink in.
Never does my mind dim.
Questions arise as my eyes stare around the dark room.
Sleep never comes quite soon.
But the answers are clearly obvious,
I am just wishing to be oblivious.
Oblivious to the harlot that I am,
And those intentions were never in my plan.
I live my life day by day,
Slowly going insane.
Wondering who I will become,
Thinking that I won't find love.
The night's a terrible time for me,
It eats my eyelids and poisons my thoughts.
Now I'm wondering how I'm coming across.
A girl doused in depression, obsession, social anxiety;
There's no point in hiding.
This mask keeps ripping
As I keep slipping
Into the treacherous downfall
Of my existence.
I try to resist it.
I recall where I'm at.
Still in bed, still pretty fat.
As alone as lonely gets.
I try to remember that it's not (my) time, yet.