This ring you gave me,
Why did you do it?
I just keep staring at it,
How can I keep it safe forever?
I know I have to,
Because soon you will be gone,
Why did god choose you?
Why do you have to go so far away?
Just to get even further away?
I watched you cry for the first time today,
As we all said our goodbyes,
You didn't deserve this,
Does grandpa ever cry with you?
Or does he try to stay strong for you?
Last year you were perfectly healthy,
Then suddenly you became sick,
we watch as you get sicker and sicker,
ALS gets worse and worse,
But i grew up with you my whole life,
I don't understand the way god works,
I just want you to be okay,
You deserve a second chance  to make things right,
To be the healthiest ever,
Please,
Is it selfish to say,
Don't go?

Even in complete darkness
there is no chance

Beer and benedyrl
like a pink and white bumble bee sting
only adds to the heaviness

So I do what used to help
Think about what my arms are missing

back of neck
a stomach
and my fingertips in slow circles

The weight against me

Right now I feel that heavy

In times like this
the only way to fall asleep
is to give up entirely that you are going to sleep

Then morning comes
and so does rest

She's preparing her heart to be broken
And why should she not? Is this not the norm?
These beautiful words so softly spoken
Or should she just let go and be reborn

Too late into an unknown world she stepped
The fear is still there but she can't care now
Edge of the horizon, ready, she leapt
It is too late with this she makes a vow

To fight would be madness 'twould be a sin
Regardless it is worth it to let go
Finally feel the happiness within
Take these four walls down and let the love grow

Now despite her fear there's no turning back
God forbid she's wrong, her heart may turn black

somehow the pieces never really fit
you said you were done, over it
and we drank together, that last night
you said you were just too tired to fight
but you laughed after a sad smile
i tried to get you to hang around for a while
but i should've tried harder, done better
you told me not to worry in the letter
i didn't know the sadness was that deep
that you were heading off to an eternal sleep
your words start running together at the end
when you told me i was your only friend
and that hurt so much, knowing i didn't save you
never really saw just how much you were going through
when you were laughing the loudest and the longest
between the two of us, i thought you the strongest
because it was always you pulling me back
when the world would grow so cold and black
it was your voice, singing a simple word
it was the purest, sweetest thing i heard
i'm sorry that i was so weak
that i couldn't stop to speak
and bring you out of the dark
your memories leave holes in my heart
if i could have those moments again
i'd try harder to save my sweetest friend

in the fine days that i call my own
i find i have been once
all be it all alone
in the light would it change
or would i make the same misstake again
i could have been an artist
could have been serving beer
but i think
this day i would be me.

I want to, but struggle
To write about this thing called love
Relating so much more to despair
Having felt it for so long
So used to living in loneliness

I want love
or do I?
What is it I want
So long having been a shell
That I forgot what it is to be alive

So how is it
How does one express love
Using a piece of paper
It just isn't enough
When despair falls so freely

See, very few words can express love
If any
Words are not enough for love
But despair, oh despair
How you mock me
I could speak of you for eons
Despair, so infinitely defined by any word

So again I ask
How does a poet speak of love
With so much despair outside looking in

Why do he write he asks
its a release of his soul
a way to give his whole
a cleansing of the mind
in a world that is sometimes unkind

it is silly maybe
as silly as the things he wrote
but it is the missive notion
to the life he supposed

No time anymore,
And not even enough energy to ask,
Why or how or where.

Once the envy of all,
Now known to none.
What has happened here?

Silence falls, shatters in
The space between our words,
Our conversations falter and break.

Torn between staying and leaving,
Wanting neither, wishing for both.
Looking the other way isn’t enough anymore.

I feel nothing, and everything
When you’re not here.