I sit and stare at nothing
      yet see so much more ..
          beyond

   Hands are clasped and closed
       yet I feel ..
          everything

   Listening closely to my heartbeat
        I hear your voice ..
           still

   My mouth, desperately dry,
        the sweet moisture from your lips ..
            I will taste ..
                forever

I am a writer, yet often the little daily goal box to "write something" remains unchecked.
I am a photographer, but my camera has dust on it and my uploading sites are sparsely filled.
I am an academic, yet for the most part I find myself only studying what is given to me while the material I've collected remains halfway read.
I am a reader, but I keep rereading the same books and they don't get opened every night.
I am a loner, but I have those I love and those who love me.
I am quiet, but I must speak 80,000 words a day.
I am a horse owner, but the leather of my saddle creaks and groans with disuse.
I am a fan, but episodes are left unwatched.
I am young, but I do not have much energy.
I am in love, but I do not get to see her but once every few months.
I am in a long distance relationship, but I'm not much good at setting up Skype dates or leaving her messages on Facebook.
I am a performer, but I have not touched a stage in over a year.
I am a gamer, but I only play one game.
I am a dork, but I smoke cigarettes and drink black coffee.
I am a nerd, but I was never much into comics and I do not wear glasses.
I am mentally ill, but I talk to therapists as though I am upbeat and I am not behind on my schoolwork.
I am a musician, but I cannot play an instrument though I've tried many times.
I am a blogger, but I've let many die and I do not network well.
I am of the computer generation, but I could not explain how a computer works.
I am a daughter, but for many years I hated my parents.
I am a sister, but I have to remind myself to speak to my siblings.
I am a friend, but I prefer to keep to myself and I don't always have the right thing to say.
I am American, but I don't know much about politics and I don't like apple pie.
I am a vegetarian, but I have to eat fish sometimes.
I am gay, but I don't know exactly how to explain so that other people who have questions understand.
I am a student, but sometimes I don't feel like I'm much good at "critical thinking."
I am sad, but I smile.
I am an optimist, but I am cynical sometimes.
I am guarded, but I spill myself.
I am myself, but I don't know who I am.

I am not much good at being the things I am.

What lies in store for a mind so divine,
Could never find, something like this can never be fully defined.
So I wait to see the unfolding of this amazing gift, though not mine.
There is high intrigue within your space, the kind of space I have not explored in ages.
Heartfelt words that regenerate my deepest thoughts.
I had eliminated the possibility of finding your kind. You appeared among the wolves and re-colored my imagination.
I wondered if your kind is still made, still exists...you proved me right when you gave me a glimpse to your thoughts.
Like a garden of splendor, with abundant treasure and amazing sights.
All capsuled in gold, I never want to depart from your side.
I say these words very carefully...thinking very deeply about where they could possibly lead.
Who you belong to is blessed...truly blessed since your mind posses depth and truth.
It is unknown where this will go, yet mentally entertaining, it also seems appealing.
Dangerous and exciting, a thrill known to cause heartache.
Clearly there is a rare connection if I write about it, you found dwelling in my words and stamped your arrival in my life, bringing on a surge of fresh air.
It is greatly unique that there is still a person of your calibre.
Every passing minute has you traveling along with my thoughts.
I reserve my heart, and protect my feelings.
I dread to hear the forbidden words yet I still lure the attraction.
Where will we go with this, countable is the length we've spoken and shared thoughts and every time I am left longing for more.
You are not mine and I should not wish you leave your other.
It would be so cheap of me. I'm tossed in the waves of a man who posses so much peace, importance,appeal....
We should keep this overflowing interest, this brewing interest that I suspect will lead nowhere.
I am intrigued by you, enticed by you. Don't want this to blossom, sense it'll get trampled on so fast from the realities we live in.
Words we share are pieces to a beautiful picture, stealing glances of our souls to paint the voices of our dreams.
Every detail of your personality resounds with beauty, delight and pure joy.
This feeble bubble I don't wish to destroy,
I simply relish in conversing with a mind so extraordinary.
There is so much I wish to share with you yet it would not be fair because you don't belong me.
My heart is wrapped in anticipation...waiting to hear from you.
There is so much I would say yet I hold back, out of respect  since I hold you on a high pedestal.
One I know you well deserve to be on, all despair vanishes when I hear from you.
Your fundamental likes are all similar to mine, it stuns me that we are in-line.
You inspire me to conceive words and thoughts of beauty, buried truth.
That clearly give account of how you make you feel.



Thandi Xaba 30 October 2013