There used to be spaces
Between falling asleep and waking up
Spaces without emotional gravity
Where it gets hard to breathe, and I am turned inside out

There used to be spaces
Between pale fingers and heavy shoulders
Spaces cold with longing
For a breathing, comforting warmth

Where these spaces used to be
There's now you

Within every weary crevice, your presence flows
Every touch a lingering sediment, filling pieces that were once broken
Fossilizing fragile parts that were once left to die

Where these spaces used to be
There's now you

Patiently holding me through the varying magnitudes of my earthquakes
Silently bearing my uncalled eruptions
So accepting, of my faults and folds

There used to be spaces
Where what was precious to me were only the gemstones I collected

And where these spaces used to be,
There's now you.

The last time you made contact with a living thing was over two weeks ago. An earthworm was splayed out, almost dried out of life on the ash-covered ground, wiggling once—its last.

Kuala Lumpur is now stripped down to being exactly that, mud. Earth drowned in what's left of the dark grey thunderstorm that hit the night before.

You're walking int the middle of the open road, littered left and right with burnt metal and oil. Ahead of you, nothing but yellow dust.

Just when your knees were about to give out from days of walking, running, limping, chasing the remnants of the city, you see from amidst the fog, a movement. Coming perfectly into view, a truck drags its limp tyres and tangles its loose bits.

A familiar tune suddenly fills the bare and flat atmosphere,
'mat kool, mat kool, kawanku
mari kita ikut, mat kool,
main, main, selalu
syoknya, syoknya ada mat kool'

Mostly thunderstorms to myself
But for you, an ocean
And I sink
I drown
And now
The glass is half empty
After pouring too much of myself
For you, who never planned to swim in my depths

in your hold are shards of glass
pathetically glued together by the thoughts that roam your head
and you couldn’t move
afraid
that they might break
and pierce your palms instead
but then you see
that your hands are also glass
hid away by a pseudo shine
and in front of you, a mirror
with cracks appearing from the side line
your heart skips a beat
when you see not even a reflection of yourself
then suddenly, a smash
as it drops to the ground
at the apprehension of
that reflection isn’t missing
but it ceases to exist
because the truth is
that you are there standing
looking right at yourself
without realising

Are you searching
or are you lost
Have you, a map
or are the stars your guide
Because if so I'd like to tell them
To not keep you for long
As the blades of grass I'm sitting on
are starting to suffocate
with the earth beneath
barely keeping themselves together

Are you searching
or are you lost
Because I'd like to know how much longer I have in waiting
or is it even worth all the petals I've strung away
And just in case time runs out
I want you to know that I was here
That I've always been listening
from the other side of the moon

Are you searching
or are you lost
Because perhaps one day
if you do find me
I'd like to tell you about that one time
I felt infinite
with only the night sky as company
and a choir of stars as a lullaby

Are you searching
or are you lost
Because I hope I haven't been the only one
crossing oceans of doubt
and climbing mountains of fear
with hopes of being a lightyear closer from where you are

Are you searching
or are you lost
Because I too, am searching
but I'm quite afraid
I might probably be
a little lost

This head's a space
clouded
its brume almost reaching
the insides of my irides
This hand's a tremble
from its roots
an earthquake
venturing back to an especial gob
of cardiac muscles
helplessly siphoning life through
the fragile cracks of this cage of ribs
Around my floating body
Spins the earth
Just another ornament
In a knitted blanket of galaxies
I do not question where
I do not question why
Those eyes, jaded
by stale smiles that have been
keeping them fed
and distracted
I am not one with myself
as the wavering mind threatens
to abandon this sad case of dolor
Breathing suffocates
Silence, a pain
I need a hand
to slap and punch me out of conscience
to shake and yell
live, you are alive!

early morning light
creeping through blinds

illuminated dust
dancing alongside shadows

your eyes wake
to the whispers of the clouds
making way for the sun
to put on its crown

and your eyebrows crease
as if asking the world
of its forlornness, and why is it so
when all-encompassing beauty is in its grasp

your eyes close again
and you try to listen

but the world keeps quiet
and you sigh to yourself

because how selfish it is
to ask a question
you can’t even bring yourself to answer