Found by the playground
eyes circled and grey.

She wanted love,
she didn't want to play.

And it was a first time for me
feeling this sweetness wrapped in my arms.

Meek, flexible, honest, optimistic,
and so hopeful for the day to come.

This warmth I feel right now-
is it mine or hers?

Is it to keep or in the moment?

Because at this very milestone she feels so miracle.

The spontaneity that she would just-
appear.

Not at 'any' moment-

when I was in a hole of desperation-

pessimism enough to give away it all.

She lit up with every step I made and I made each step on a noose.

I felt a NEED to be with her.

"I NEED to be with her."

But life has roads

and roads have bridges,

which lead to oceans and marine's ridges.

Oceans find boats,

lost at sea.

That's my mistake, you never see.

It's why I like you.

Why I care.

Without that quality would I still care?

The one who survives by making the lives
Of others worthwhile
She's coming apart
Right before my eyes
The one who depends on the services she renders
To those who come knocking
She's seeing too clearly what she can't be
What understanding defies

She says I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

She turns up the light
Anticipating night falling tenderly around her
Watches the dusk
The words won't come
She carries the act so convincingly
The fact is sometimes she believes it
She can be happy with the way things are
Be happy with the things she's done

And yet I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

Reach out, hold back
Where is safety
Reach out and hold back
Where is the one who can change me
Where is the one
The one

Reach out, hold back
Where is safety
Reach out and hold back
Where is the one who can save me
Where is the one
The one

I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in the snow
The danger and the power
Friend and the foe

I'm tired of the hard life
One road to misery
The bridge that breaks
In London
The scars of our expressions
That still bleed
I'm tired of the lemons
I'm tired of lemonade.
There's not enough sugar
Or water
And I sit at this stand
Unpaid
There are limits to be made.
But how-?
I'm tired of the ultimatums
"...my way or the highway..."
I'm tired of feeling like a human,
Naked,
In a steel,
See-through bubble
At the bottom of the ocean
Freaking out
I'm tired of the notion
That things get better
The more you shout
I'm tired of win or lose
I'm tired of die or live
I'm tired of morals
And human way
I'm tired of take
Being the same as give
I'd love to run away
But how-?
To die,
But no
I'd love to walk away
And just go
So simple
Yes,
It's quick
I'd be gone
Beyond our fantasy
My soul would be neither here
Nor would lie there
Yes,
My soul would simply be
Bare..
I'd frolick about without underwear
I'd dance without chains and I wouldn't care
I'd frolick
Here and...
There...
But where-?

Play my Spotify playlist at my funeral. Don't cover me up with flowers and things prettier than death. Let me soak in the sun no matter my souls depth. Tell every boy I've loved, I loved them. Give all my possessions to the poor. Feed my leftovers to the hungry...I won't need them anymore. Love my friends like family and treat my family like best friends. They won't push you away, but they won't let kind folk in. Resound my voice on the day I die, saying  ,"It will be okay." Even if I'm not there, I know you'll find a way.
  This isn't a letter for suicide. Don't worry, I'm not saying goodbye. I'm just saying what I'd like you to understand about me before I the day I die.

By earth and by sky,
by lands and by sea,
I've been caught in a web by my enemy.
Close to the edge and yet setting free,
I've been caught in the web of my enemy.
Mere cats in my way,
chewing the day,
I sway my tail,
a lost in the may.
Careful I watch,
for the worry I've learned
the fear that I know,
of a third-degree burn.

Father's hands were always warm,
dry,
callous.
Father's love was always kind,
strict,
confusing.
Father's name was never father.
Yet he spelled it for the crowd.
Father had no daughters,
but I played his Mother proud.
Food was steaming from its ***,
served to him each day.
And surely times we often fought,
but we always found a better way.
When we met his world was grey,
and now he asks me why I stay.
I always ask if he's okay,
but never does Father want to play.
Father always hides away.
In the house he sits on the couch,
with a good book in his hand.
I say, "Won't you smile at Mother?"
He says, "I don't think I can."
His 32 wisdom teeth,
cause me to misunderstand.
I sail to be his atmosphere,
never hitting land.

But Father is a genuine diamond,
a shine among the dust.
He may be a rough,
but with dedication he'll earn trust.
I'll never be the wife of Father.
I'll never know his love,
but he can be with others
...its hard...
but helping him is enough.