simple break down
get to the meaty parts
toss aside the pit
hairy
dripping
delicious
dancing on my tongue

a night where i have gone to sleep with full makeup on
knowing full well you will call to pick me up

a boy once connected the moon to the tides for me
-ran cold-
i fell in love for the first time

i smear constellations across my chest
for those heavy days
the rain falling into a sour smell.

soar peachy
repulsive boy
a luscious hell
his drunk urge whispering sordid and frantic
sweet thing sucker
bare *****
lover
lather the sky pink
and watch this sea trudge to its feet
all storm and skin
our sleep revealed in ***** tongues

open up to him without jealousy. just curiosity and care. comfort and conversation.
how do you feel her me us when we do this that.
talk and tell and feel the warmth of acceptance
all i want
such a good place good things attitudes
still be moving forward
running with a string in my mouth. attached to your tongue.
pulling you, my dear

moving forward
better better

all the feelings towards you.

good for nothing
******* *****
you take off your clothes and nothing more
you crave the validation of others
yes you will do anything
for it

where are you going, little girl?
what the **** is your plan, little darling?
what do you plan on doing after your looks
f a d e
and no one wants you anymore.?.

you silly silly girl
thinking your body is
untouchable
disgusting
yet still using it as a *** object
objectifying yourself
and scratching at your insides
in the middle of the night


what possesses you to
come home
and look at yourself in the mirror
and pinch the parts that
you can pinch
and grab the parts that
you can grab
and pull at the parts that
your lover loves to pull
yet you would do anything
to pull off

little brat
why do you still wake up every morning
and put your two feet
on that measuring metal
that you know will dictate
the rest of your day.

lower number
lower stress
higher number
and anxiety sets

the same insane routine
yet you do nothing towards an end

inside the deep dark tunnel i go
stretching myself out to every person i know
i'll concern myself with their issues so i don't have to think about my own

-my problem-
how many more friends are you going to
lose over this ******* madness
how many more times are you going to yell at people
for being brainwashed
by the society that
has already brainwashed
you
gutted you to the core
stabbed you through the heart
made you think that you are nothing more
than an object to sell
to be looked at
to be ….used….
just a bunch of parts

you stupid little ******* *****
when is this going to end?
when are you going to realize that maybe
maybe
you are something more
than the tangible parts of your skin
feel the raw emotions coming from within

those fingernails can dig and dig through your lover's skin
but they will never find what they are looking for

and those eyes can roll as far back into your head as the pleasure allows
but they will still never see inside your soul.

I cry at the simplest things

what is it that moves you

my soul has too long been tethered to a never-ending battle

what is it that moves you

do birds feel the weight of the world when they are taking off?
do they feel it being lifted when they are soaring?

how long have you wanted to soar?

my whole life

don't look at me like that
it intimidates me
i stay transfixed
can't move
she throws stones
he looks at me
she takes a break
he takes over

sit. listen.

i do as i'm told.

she comes back. my teddy bear. my darling. my dear. she comes back.
my hands are out of order
my thighs quiver but they
know nothing more than longing.
she comes back. she stares. she gazes.
quick quick put on a show
quit it quick quitter quaking in fear
ffffffffffurrowing her brow
show me tender
carry me slowly
softly over the threshold
one, two, nineteen.

counting for too long is maddening but
he stays calm and focused on his goal
no interruptions
no interferences
she gets emotional
he pushes down his *******

he looks at me
she looks at me
there is an understanding
there is chaos
there is peace

I feel like a cloud on a summer day.
Your slow lips painting a chaos into my neck.

sweat dripping down my inner thigh
I can feel your tongue there.
and there
and there.

beads are trickling down my ******* and I can feel your hot fingers
touching me there
scratching me here
molding me to your will.

languid, dripping, indulgent. those are the words I like.

it feels like ******* mexico in here
******* mexico
lying on the beach
being devoured by the hot sand
searing my flesh to the core
until I am nothing but black ash
darker than your shirt. darker than the black ink of your tattoo.

darker than what I think my soul resembles.

but I can feel you, baby. I can feel your hands on me. I can feel the noose around my neck.
I can feel it all. I can feel
your breath
against my neck
making me hotter than the ******* mexico inside my room.

there is wet everywhere but my throat.
it drips down
like the wax on my fingers
drip
drip through my mind

fire burning my soul and my skin
can you feel the heat, daddy?
have i been good enough for a sip of water?
or will you leave me parched and dizzy. begging.

smoke rings are piling up and I can reach through them to touch you
can't I? can I?
I can feel everything I can feel it all
tell me talk tell me what
what is going through that mind
those eyes
what is behind those eyes? what dark thoughts? could they be any darker than mine?

I doubt it. you say.

Am I selfish if you are all I seem to write about?
Always on my mind. Am I good at nothing else? Is that it?
Are you easy to write about? No. Yes. Who knows.
I know you are easier to write about than I am. That's why I don't write about myself.
Because what could I say?
I have nowhere to begin.

I am entrapped. Embodied.
A cleansing experience and a curse.

What am I? Isn't that one of the unanswerable questions.
How was college?
Who is she?
What are you good at?
What are you good at?
getting overwhelmed at the sheer immensity of life.
How the **** does no one else feel it?
I ask too many questions.
Topic change.

I am the sea. I am tumultuous.
Never stop running form one corner of the world to the next.
Never stopping.

I write my poetry in paragraphs when it's written down and in short bites when it's typed.
I wonder why that is.

It's urgent. This is urgent!
Thoughts like to shoot and confuse. Be my muse. Too loud. Can't tide me over.

I think this Mary is laced cuz my heart is beating… how does that rap go?
Hmm, Tyler?

There is a picture in my head of a happy summer blonde with the perfect matte red lips. She is making fun of me. She stares at me and teases me into a pit of madness. She always watches over me. She is my heart and she wants to hurt me. Masochistic pig. Sadistic wolf. Pink is my favorite color. I try so hard to be pink. Pink tries so hard to be me.
A little disgusting ******.

Blackberry currant.
Pink *****.
Popping pink.
"ck" is my favorite sound.
****. ****.
Pretty little *****.
****. ****.
I want you to pound my pretty pink *****. pop.
That little **** is going to get ****** so hard tonight. Pound you with my ****.
Please?

Surprise me, baby. Don't be like the rest. Because I know too well what to expect.

How did I come from such a beautiful creature? How do any of us get here, and why must I suffer more than they?
Nothing has ever been simple with you. Everything has always been so hard.
Beat beat be still my
pounding head. Before the floodgates open. She can't see me weak.
No one can.
But I am selfish and I'll stay.
No more running away.

in the middle of the bar
i found a hole inside my heart

I'm mad at you.
I'm angry that I think about you so much.
I'm ****** that I can't ******* shut up.
I'm irritated that you're an addiction I am too weak to quit.
I'm infuriated that you've caught me so tightly in your net--
There are no other ******* fish in the sea.
I'm furious that I still seem to want you.
I'm livid that I still worry--
That I still care.
I'm enraged because only you are equipped to soothe me from yourself.

fancy myself out of ice i admit: ::::i am scared::::
faking tears into my wine glass
savoring the desire
the vastness of the old
quickness of new
lapping at me like ,,,waves,,,,,,,,,,
i remember a moment and i am too late
to it
if you give me this one i will
give you another one
i appreciate you for playing nice

swift into my lungs he
yells
my name like
i had any option
in worship.
i pretend
this sandy beach
keys going into
incorrect locks i am
correct in locking
him
out.

give me back my bones
bones bartered borrowed
barricaded within the confines of mortality. this space. our space.
anchored limbs anchored to you
such a sunny mess such an exquisite surrender

Falling back into comfort
Into happiness
Falling back?
But it is fleeting
For, as quickly as it came back
It shall be taken away
And I shall be left cold
In this big, big world
Am
I
Falling
Back?
Can we stop the world from spinning
Oh, so fast?
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
Goodbye.

class classist charismatic
lack stacking cracking

in need of discipline
who is abusing their power
just a few just a few

disrespectfully yours
lie down with me. i will tell you secrets you are not ready to hear. introduce you to things you are not ready to know. gaze into your eyes. intrude upon your soul. pull out the words you are not ready to say.

do you feel constrained?