taking time for your crimes
and duty to a citizen that mattered to you
i don’t want to write you anymore letters
he can **** my ****, stupid boy
granted, points were made
i won’t say it you dumb ****
i’m here in my house my sacred palace and
he disturbs disrupts dead bolted to the front door
what is a dead bolt
i ****** my professor in the middle of the night
quick call on call praised and given As

do you know how you make me feel

mood change. swing. poke. pin. press. push. pain. growing tall for me. such a good boy. struggle for control//gives up quick. he knows i know what he wants. gets him off. quick slaps. hush hush right to business. on the floor. his knees. kisses up my thighs. beggar no pride left it at the door. -mine-. for the night. the hour. this minute.

his ******* queen.
the princess is still sleeping.

there is a struggle to be in control.
contained.
to keep him happy.
to indulge myself.
the routine broke. it’s breaking.
consistency is a fleeting temptress with eyes reflecting your most controlling self. i will step out of this realm. transcendence of self and *******.
look within myself and past lovers fights tears kisses strife when you called me this and i you that.
pull out pick apart deconstruct.

- reconstruct-
what you wanted and what really happened.
where we were and who we have become.

you can not watch it through your window.
moody
you can not watch it patiently from your lonely tower.
dive into the mess. consume. burn.
burn it in.
this. this is all you’ve got.
burn in the mess consume and be consumed.

are you exposing yourself to true pain?
stayed faithful what is faithful.
stayed true what is truth.

do not look away.
eyes will get smeared. soft tears and daggered realities.
do not shield your eyes.
do not pretend you did not see it.
do not pretend it did not hurt.

i don’t want you to read my poetry and say ‘aw’.

sees the light i see him
hymnal youth and choir boys
daily dalliances with unknown creatures and masses
deviations from the mainstream. lights a fire in me.

liberation- he is.
a passing *******
BOOM BOOM BOOM ———— PULSE

moments captured in a tenderlustful touch
creeping with and into my ****.

simple complex lover.
hard softy. tough sweetheart.

the space between never and again.

luxuriously placed bruises.
you’ve gotten a lot brattier since the last time
.honestly.

holding on so tight
tightly to what
made me sad are you happy
to always welcoming hands
wander/lusting heart

am i lonely//are you lonesome
which road will take me to you
quick flashes of connections — where to run off to next.

open up to him and he will show you what you are capable of.

do i have a wall up with you
yes
i am letting you in i am letting you in
now say it until you believe it
in i am letting you in
— all my poetry is about falling apart—

i can hardly hear myself think
you are so much you are so many sad songs. you are so new and nostalgic.
does that make sense?
deana, you’re not understanding what i’m saying.

——————brick——————