lengthy
delayed decisions and recognitions from the wasted years. she looks and she does too and they do and he does. they look and try to find my substance. extract the core.
not much talking.
his sits on the floor away from him. turned away from him so he can't see it. and she looks directly at it. melts into my white blood cells//red.
blackandwhite nostalgia under christmas lights. another you. another you was here before. gone like the smoke from our cigarettes. we should stop this. smile and light me.
happy birthday princess. blah blah keeps talking.

these games are no fun. pass me the ***.

the moon drips down my back
come come come here to me, sweet little child.

he comes up behind me. kisses my neck.
misses kisses. he misses. misses missed me. the words.
pushes my hair back. licks up my neck. sends chills.
tears rolling down his cheek. wetting my shoulders.
pump pumping his heart beat through me. i feel. i feel it all. dripping moonlight. dripping in it. i feel i feel i feel it all. all around me.
tears everywhere.
holding my hips. he keeps me steady.
sobbing into my neck.
sobbing through the moon. moon child baby.
sweet baby darling. pink baby child. you are the moon and you are me.

he puts me on my knees on the cold floor.
pulls my hair down. puts his hand around my neck. positions my lips open.
pours his poison down my throat.
acidic. sweet. spicy. full bodied. he really is delicious.
runs his finger down my neck.
swallowed him whole.
happy daddy.

spits in my mouth. poisonous eyes. those **** eyes. poison, i tell him.
he smiles. leads me to the window. shows me the sticky sunset.
kisses down my neck again. eyes closed. i feel his heart.
quickens.
window open spine chills.

he pushes me out and lights a cigarette as i bleed out on the sidewalk.
sits on the couch and sips his whiskey.

catch me like a fish
everlasting supplier of light rays-
warming the soul like a cup of hot tea on a sleepy sunday afternoon
- melancholic -

swaying the universe
the mermaids sing in the mornings
mesmerizing the sailors
and i am the singer and the mesmerized

i am free. i am free from the ropes. free from the chains of a dreary existence. i can feel it i can feel it on the tip of my eyelashes with the swells of tears pouring out.
- renewal - - relief -

i am a good girl. listener of tall tales and fantasies. spur of the moment night crawler caller.
i spin a beautiful web of fantastical clouds. from ropes to cakes.
pick your poison.

i am a bad girl. keeper of secrets. silent truths bundled under creative happiness and weakly disguised love affairs.
- blink and it’s over -

i’ll lie in your lap and watch you write-
spinning fantastical tales of glorious awakenings. new beginnings.-
pull my hair up to attention. i am here. i am wanted. want want grab me.
want//need. clever disguises. silent truths. wispy truths.
childhood pencil marks. pig tail sneakers.

truth drops into heads.
eyes drop onto the floor.
teeth sink into lips.
heart drops into stomach.
limbs fold over limbs and the being falls slowly upon itself.
when i wasn’t mine.
she wanted me more than she could stand. stabbed me with a ******* pencil. made my heart drop into my ******* stomach.

-  weak -

9 pm terribly.
this lump in my throat.

2:30 pm.
this lump in my throat.
icicle grass cracked beneath my feet.
i wanted to take off my boots and feel the ice between my toes.

- weaker -

4 pm.
heavyheadedheavyeyed after work.
missed. wished i could call.
but my fingers were too cold to find my phone.
ran home so i could feel my heart pumping rough against my chest again.

- weakest -

9 am.
snowing nightmares outside.
i'll walk naked in the white streets.
feel each snowflake melt on my ice body.
lie in glass grass and laugh at my teary cheeks.
pink. flushed.

where did she go off to?