I.
switching my hands with yours in the dark wetness of night
the burn is worth it
let me tell you
cold hard marble
a solid hand to hold
until the crumble ****
you are not one to trust

II.
my grandmother told me it's good to get your heart broken/////to open it up
to bring out your truth
you need to be broken to find yourself raw
are you the grenade for my undoing and
redoing?
a tool that’s it
undo redo undo redo i know this

III.
where is my bed

IV.
last night i got dolled up
i went out
i stayed out late
i wanted to be a bad girl you know
i saw you coming out of smoke
your knuckles like marble like ones i knew
i wanted to kneel down and kiss them and beg
for you to punch me in the face
but instead i took you home
pressed your body against my body to make sure mine was still there

here we are
together in one endless room surrounded with lights
candles burning hot
blue and yellow the
pickled platter you brought
a sour attitude and a warm
heart.

xxxxxxx

i see you in curves of blue

in crooks in shadows in empty streets

you are  behind the refrigerator

you are hiding in my closet

you are creeping underneath my bed

it goes:::
i am waiting for you
at the window
i am waiting for you
at the hilt
i am waiting for you
at the threshold and my room is swimming.

1.
but i do remember the way you taste i do remember your chest closing in on mine squeezing each breath from my lungs.  i liked the way your skin tasted and there is no way to exclude that from my memory even if the rest of you is a smoke hidden blue and burning in my heart. i rolled you up in apples and honey roasted peanut butter three years ago and no matter how i spin it it still tastes bitter.

2.
you’ve undressed in front of her before but this time is different. her eyes linger and you aren’t sure if she is admiring your ****** piercings or the stretch marks on your thighs but you stay there immobile letting her devour you in the explosion of the moment. you let the feeling spread in your chest down through each mark.

3.
how many shooting stars have i missed watching you ***