Tears fall on my lap
At times I don't love myself
My thoughts poison me

You're so cold
And so I am frozen
My thoughts lost in your tundra
Crystallized emotions shatter
Falling all around me like snowflakes
Each carrying a unique faith in you
Creating a frosty blanket of heartbreak
And with every step you take away from me
You crush that desperate hope I had for us
Leaving in your wake your frigid footprints
A numbing reminder...
Of the frostbite you left in my heart

You are innocent
A beautiful undiscovered creature
Grazing in life's pasture
Vibrant as sun rays
Yet still a soft glow like moon light
Untouched by the inevitable pang reality
For the preditor lays in wait
Obsessive, he stalks his prey
It didn't take long for him to pounce
clawing and shredding
Tearing away something so precious
You're writhing remains crushed
Nothing left of your innocence but the crimson petals of your flower
Or so you think...
You have no idea that you are still innocent
And while such a loss can never be repaid
While you may cry yourself to sleep from this day on
While your dreams may never be the same
While you may shy away from an honest love's sweet touch
Just know...
Your are Innocent

You had all of me
Couldn't you feel it in your hand?
Opened your fingers slightly
And I slipped through like sand
Each grain that hit the ground,
A memory unbound
By the chains that locked you in my heart
Until each touch...
Each kiss...
Fell into the infinite dark
I thought we made a whole when we combined, us two
But I must've been full of myself
To believe I had even half of you.

Agony
My chest feel like it's going to explode
Overwhelmed by pain
Depression
Tracks make way for fresh tears to fall
They always ask
"Why are you sad?"
Can't they tell the difference?
Between tears of saddness
And tears of suffering?

Do you feel it?
Yourself going crazy?
Diving deep into insanity
drowning in your mad thoughts
Sure you'll come up for air now and then
Clinging to flimsy shreds of normalcy
But just as soon, you'll sink deep
Into the depths of your lunacy...
Enjoy your swim.

Quiet lips
Screaming thoughts
They say to 'Let it out"
But why should I?
I may not know what they are
But I know you have them
Your secrets
A sludge built up in your mind
That you can't scrub away
Because you'd rather let it build up
Than Let it out
They are grotesque
Those sealed wounds that refuse to heal
Hey you!
Hypocrite
I'll show you mine...
If you show me yours... ... ...

I am always alone
Never with another
I built this wall on my own
Trying to run for cover
I keep away from outside
I live in constant fear
So I cower and hide
Life is dropping bombs out there
When the smoke clears, I walked among the debris
I see the mother's tears
Her hungry child on her knee
I asked her why she's crying
In this Land of the Free?
Sad eyes looked to me replying
"Is it free? It is hard to see...
My child is hungry
She has no food
No one will help me
Why should I brighten my mood?!"
"Run" she said, "Back to solitude...
Because Life is dropping bombs out here
And God forbid one falls on you "

Make it easier on me
At least take the pain away
All I have is a memory
And I fear it's here to stay

I remember you lying there
Your favorite floral dress cut up the middle leaving your chest bare
I knew they needed an opening to use the chest paddles and yell, "Clear!"

But I couldn't help thinking How could they dare?!
Leave her lying there,
In the open air,
Wearing nothing but her underwear?!

And her eyes were open...
Blink... ... BLINK!
Just tell me you're joking
I'll forgive you, I promise! I won't sit around moping
I'm wishing, begging, praying, hoping...

This is all your fault! Why couldn't you just stay?!
I was just sixteen, It was mean to leave that way
Especially when I had so much I never got to say...

Like "I'm sorry I stuck my fingers in your homemade Thanksgiving pie"
And "I'm sorry that I broke your T.V. and told you a lie"
"I'm sorry I faked sick just to stay out of school"
"I'm sorry I said '****' in front of you once because I thought it was cool"

"... ... ... I'm sorry I didn't sing at your funeral when it was all you really requested...
But afraid it wouldn't be perfected,
Your one request rejected,
I choked.
And by my own cowardice, I was bested"

So many memories and regrets swirling in my head...

"I Love You Mommy..."
That's what I should have said...

I've seen you before
Sad one
You think you're nothing
That this world in you're absence will become some bright flowery garden of eden
Peace will fill the land
And cup will overflow with milk and honey...
But no...
In reality the world would crumble into a vast wasteland of sorrow and darkness
The world of a Mother
Who went through 29 hours of natural birth just to hear you scream for the first of many times
The world of a Father
Who swore by God no harm would ever come to you
The world of a Sibling
Who lookS to you as an example and a mentor
The world of a Best Friend
You know, the one you've known and grown with since K-1?
And lets not forget dear old Spot
Who will sneak him treats under the table?
You see?
If you leave not only does the world not get better
But you actually destroy a magnitude of precious Worlds in the process
So please...
Take off your coat...
Stay a while.

You like me, right?
We're going to be together forever
We'll build a home together
Raise a couple kids
Embrace them as we see them off to college
As we exhale for the very last time
We'll be hand in hand
Never leaving each other's side

You love me, right?
This is how it will be
When you're through ******* me?
We just have fallen so hard in just moments
That you can't resist me anymore...

Right?

But I know this isn't the truth
Clasping at a nonexistent shred of hope
This isn't passion
There is no love here
But I mix denial with benefit of the doubt

And deep down I know what you, like all the others, want
I don't want to give it, but I let you take it anyway
I feel every ****** in my soul
Dignity and Pride dying slow
I said yes

But ... ...

Cover the mirrors!
For you're far too beautiful
You may blind yourself

I saw a rose today
It stood alone on the sidewalk
I wondered of it's thoughts, and what it had to say
But too afraid, I didn't talk
Bewildered the rose looked stunned
It wondered "Why would you desert me?"
I replied to the rose I have shunned,
"I can see your thorns, and I don't want you to hurt me."

Is it dark,
Where you are?
Does depression drip down
Like a cold leak inside of the cave
Sending shivers down to your very core
Your only warmth; the tears running down your cheeks
But even they become chilled over time
Until you're left with nothing
And alone you sit
In your leaky
Dark...
Cavernous cave
Waiting to die in this freezing cold place
Instead of lighting a fire

It's easy to fly
You just have to spread your wings
Then take the big leap

There is this cloud
It hovers above me
Swirling with darkness and thunder clapping loud
I try to flee to safety
But it follows hastily
Screaming "There is no escaping me!"
I fall to my knees
begging this cloud, "please..."
But my words could not appease
It said, "I will follow you across the seas,
Up the mountains, threw the trees,
With running there is nothing to gain,
In your moment of weakness I will begin the rain"

Careful who you trust
They may stab you in the heart
I learned too early

Today the wind came
And it blew me off my feet
Made way for heavy rains
Now I'm drowning in defeat
I wasn't focused on surviving
Until the water started rising
That's when I sunk deep
And I could have just kept falling
Get away
From the everyday
And just keep stalling
But I've never been a loser
Pride: My deadly sin
I'm not a beggar, I'm a chooser
Today I chose to win
So I kicked with all my might,
And swam until I was free
The rains put up quite a fight
But they were no match for me!

Somewhere in this vast world sits a girl
Alone and content, she speaks no love
Not a word of the racing hearts
The feather light butterflies in her belly
No whispers of fireworks illuminating her soul with but a kiss
Somewhere in this vast world sits a girl
Alone and content, she seeks no love
She knows racing hearts bleed the most when punctured
Understands that fireworks sometimes blow up in your face
Leaving permanent scars in their wake
She comprehends that should love cut her open
She'd have to watch those wonderful, colorful butterflies flutter away
While being left open to die
Somewhere in this vast world sits a girl
Alone and content...

I cant lose myself
While trying to find you
You've forgotten you I am
So let me remind you
I'm the one who stayed
When everyone watched you hit the ground
... Stay down...
... Stay down...
Help is on the way

Lullaby my baby
Sing me straight to sleep
I could drown in your brown eyes...
Time,
And time,
And time again
The days are hourless
And I am powerless
I lay me down, and close my eyes
While you sing your lullaby...

We are the same
you and I...
Your stride is my stride,
We walk toward the same light
Our fingers weaved together,
Making one unbreakable fist
When you look to me, I look to you
How will we survive this way?
It takes my breath away when I take your breath away...
Oh sweet one,
Draw in a breath of air
So that we may breathe.

If you were a word you would have no definition
How can one describe that which is indescribable
The breeze smells sweet when you walk by
When we clasp hands the warmth burns my soul in the best way
You say you're filled with darkness but I only see light
Brighter than the sun, it burns to look at you
But I wouldn't dare look away from something so beautiful
Everywhere we go is a land of milk and honey
You'll never be a word
Since I've turned you into poetry

Look at all the pretty people
With external features so fair
Better not utter a peep though
Or you may witness their withering glare
Their distorted souls scream to harm you
And whisper their Ugly into your mind
A trap laid to disarm you
Caging your confidence, never to find
They are so wonderful to see
All these pretty faces
Just remember how careful you should be
Because they can take you to pretty ugly places

Mommy, you're crying
Your sadness brings Me sadness
Look at me... and smile

Wondering eyes stare at me
"Why's she here?
Who is she?
Why should I care...
That she's standing there...
This person I've never met...
Why do I see her as a threat?
Why when I see here standing near...
does my heart clench with unyielding fear..."
My wondering eyes stare back at her
"I'm not backing down,. I know my worth
I want you to know you should be scared
Because I am here to conquer, so be prepared!"
Seeing no way I could make myself clearer...
I turn away from the wondering eyes in the mirror.

Please take caution
My heart's a work in progress
I'm falling... you've detached me
Make sure you're there to catch me
Because when the ground hits
My heart splits
A million tiny pieces for the world to see
This crystal heart shattered so easily...
Too easily...

Today has arrived
Tomorrow is yet to come
Yesterday is gone

If only you knew
My heart beats only for you
Love unrequited

Are you one of us?
The unseen...
The undervalued...
The void...
The used...
The mistreated...
The disposable.
Come through the gate,
Into a garden made just for us.
Where our efforts aren't shrugged away
Where we don't fear the love of our friends to be conditional
Where we are afforded reciprocity
We can smile with our faces toward the sun
Facing the warmth
Embracing the growth
Planting ourselves in this fanciful garden
Never to let anyone pluck a
Single
Precious
Petal
Ever again.

My precious seedling...
Look to me while I reach for you
Arms outstretched like rays of sun
Offering you a warmth you so desperately-Yet so quietly need
Take root where you are
Be still...
Let me cradle you until you're strong enough to stand
And when you cannot see me past the mist
Just know...
Like that solar star, I will make room when things are cloudy and wait my turn
Making sure you are fed well by the rains
So that when you do see me again
You will be even stronger still
So I may continue to nourish you
Shine for you
Burn for you
Until the day you open up for me
Stretching every vibrant petal boldly for the world to behold
My magnificent sunflower 🌻

How did you do this?
You've made me out to be a liar!
I was happy in my solitude,
but you've proven without a doubt that joy is a scarce thing without you...
I want to stay single forever,
but knowing you has revealed that I want to be a part of something so much bigger...
I've been in love before,
but my heart objects to the very notion that I've ever known such a feeling before you...
There no such thing as fate,
but the way my soul wakes up whenever you and I speak screams otherwise...
How could you do this?
How could you expose me to ME??
I had no Idea I was this pathological.

You are a realm away.
So far from this physical world...
Where there isn't a car I could build to traverse your roads.
There's not a plane I could engineer that could touch your skies.
No ship I construct will ever sail your seas, or graze your moon.
I can form no submarine to reach your depths...
You are a whole realm away.
You've packed up, and moved...
But I've found you somehow.
Hiding in my dreams behind trees of memories.
I can almost feel the caress of your lips to my forhead.
I am more awake with you here.
And while we finally walk within the same realm,
That physical world becomes more like the dream.

It's quiet here in the Alone.
A life on mute.
Words are unheard.
Cries are silent..
Certainly, a deafening pain.
The faceless crowds are drowned out
By the hushed screams in my soul.
I try to make a sound, but nothing's coming out...
Like dry heaving.
Where has my beloved melody gone?
The loss of you is noise cancelling.
If my heart beats
and you're not around to hear it,
Does it make a sound?

Excuse me, but...
Who are you?
No seriously, who are you?
You stick your nose in air,
To look down on others.
You judge them by your standards,
Leaving broken hearts and insecurity.
Crushed dreams under the soles of your judgmental boots.
But, again I ask...
Who are you?!
Because Art is an extension of self.
I am these words.
I am this poem.
And your gavel makes no sound here.

You are broken.
A fragile package
dropped before you even reached the door,
Left there cracked, and cold.
Every warm touch shatters you more.
Even as they admired the pretty exterior,
The pieces inside were now shards.
Sharp, and stabbing.
Piercing you straight through..
Your light spills out while you are Surrounded by the joy of others
and you wonder...
"Don't they see my pure luminescence streaming away...
Until I am empty?
Until I am left with only darkness?"
Did they even know it was there?
Had they just assumed you were always a hollow doll?