You came along as pretty as a nightmare

Some six headed beast

Spittin’ your venom of

Self fulfilling prophecy

You

Darlin’

Hid your devils inside heartbeats

And kissed like promises

Kissed like broken promises

Lied like lovers do in moments of passion

There was passion in your poetry

Sweat that sizzled like the boiling of flesh

My teeth felt like coals from the heat of your breath

And I gag reeled our sunset

To slap stick and circus music

I never felt so awkward

But you saluted the setting sun somethin’ ***** anyway

You

You nightmare

Dressed in gasps of air

And quaking eyelids

Dressed in moments of

Let me turn the lights off before I get naked

At least we are more like insects in the dark

Crawling and feeling

And biting til it tastes right

I was always afraid of what I couldn’t see

And I felt you like a nightmare

Inside the gaping wound that is the time it takes

To love yourself

So that one day

you can love somebody else

And then I awoke like a nightmare

Lungs filling slowly

Like clown head carnival balloons

And the shapeless dark

And the relief

That whatever it was

Is finally over

I wanted to take you to Neverland...
But that's not a country to where you buy your tickets, pack your pants and toothbrush and go.
I tried to lead you there - I left signs for you...
But you never noticed them.
You were not sensitive enough to feel the signs - you wanted to see them.
I tried to teach you how to see with your heart, but I couldn't.
So you bought a ticket to go home.
And I went to Neverland alone.

When true desires are unleashed
I wander through the darkness
Revisiting memories
Running to the door
Where your voice lingered
You are too innocent to be real
I am such a monster to you
Late night conversations
Ending myself, shutting down
From you, from the world
I'm foolish
Lonely and miserable
Still in a cocoon
Never emerging
Waiting to ignite from a spark
The former me departed
Living in the shadows
Trying to find himself
Wanting to attach
But scared of losing
Losing his sanity
All that he holds dear
The freedom of being alone
Wasn't a bold move
The thought of you
Burning an eternal flame

I have to stop this, now

too many poems

like in Stardust Memories

I am just a sad person
                    writing about sad


things

                and calling it art



and no one really feels
       what I'm feeling


because it is not.
art.


It's just my tears
blurring the words on
        the page

here are some things you just can't shake....
there are little haunts inside your soul.
mine come in dreams,
and little things,
like shoes, and westerns, and rabbit holes.

"
                                                               ­                                                                 ­                  s
                                             ­                                                                 ­                                o  
                             ­                                                                 ­                                                    r
           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­ t
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                           o
                                    ­                                                                 ­                                                     f
          ­                                                                 ­                                                      b
                                                               ­                                                                 ­     r
                                                               ­                                                                e    
                                                           ­                                                                 ­         a
                                                               ­                                                              t
                                                               ­                                                                 ­        h
                                                       ­                                                                 ­         i
                                                               ­                                                                 ­     n
                                                               ­                                                                 ­ g

                                                              ­                                                thing
           ­                                                                 ­                                    breath gulping leaves
                                                          ­                                                          you
   ­                                                                 ­                                                   stand sternly sweet
                                                           ­                                                                 ­(in night you do)
                                                             ­                                                               y
­                                                                 ­                                                         o
      ­                                                                 ­                                                     U
          ­                                                                 ­                                                         stand neatly
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    between heaven
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                    and aching dirt
                                                            ­                                                                 ­  you heave an errant sigh
                                                            ­                                                                 ­  and thrustward falling
                                                         ­                                                                 ­     eaves you mingle pinkly
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    (your heart stammers)
                                                       ­                                                                 ­        between beauty
                                                          ­                                                                 ­     and i arrive on your
                                                            ­                                                                 ­   naked impossible skin
                                                            ­                                                                 m
                                                               ­                                                            y
                                                               ­                                            own
                                                             ­                                      skin
                                                            ­                        and sweat
                                                           ­                                 r
                              ­                                                           i
                                                               ­                                g
                                                               ­                          h
                                                               ­                                 t
                              ­                                                                 ­     into
                                                       ­                             your
                               ­                                                     clefted heap
                                                            ­                       my ardent
                                                          ­                                sting




                       ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                    '

I used to dream I lived by the sea.
In my dream I loved a fisherman
who had no face.

The water felt like my home.
So inviting I became a part of it.
My love didn't mind, because he
knew what it was like.

Everyday I would swim farther
and faster
and longer
and deeper.

Until one day
I didn't go back to the surface.
I stayed in the sea
and played with the fish.

I found treasure and did tricks in the water.
I remembered my life on
land.
But the water had already seeped into my heart
and I didn't want to go back.

So I let the water embrace me
drown me
have me.
I let it have me.

I have
Many sides of myself
                   Of my soul
Facets of my mind
Not visible
But they’ll never see
It was necessary to hide
   A weakness
The longing
     For perfection
   For love
     For acceptance
The insecure child
Whose eyes are haunted
Overshadowed eternally
By her twin
Whose confidence borders arrogance
Laughs and struts
             And smiles
The cousin
Whose tear streaked face
Becomes cold
Like her heart
And anger boils
     Watching
         And waiting
  For the friend
Whose pen flows with thoughts
Better left unsaid
Whose intensity
      Frowned upon
   Mocked
Binds her pieces together
The many sides of herself
                         Of her soul
   Facets of her mind
Not visible
Because they’ll never see
  The puzzle
That keeps her alive
   But kills
Who I Am