Can I trust the eyes seeking mine?
I want to
Because they look like home
Through sepia tones
A bittersweet nostalgia before
We learned how easily people break

I want to trust your arms
They look just big enough to hold me
When I know the only way I feel safe
Is in the shape of a ball

And if you were any more beautiful
I’d be *******
Much like the ten beers I should’a
Said no to
Before you
And they
Had me sycophantic and stumbling
And already
just a little bit
*******

I want the smell of you to linger on my clothes
The same way fire does
After a book burning
Just a little bit shameful

I want you to stop my stammering
With a kiss
To preoccupy my mouth
Long enough to subdue my stupid

I want to let go
Of the fever that makes my back sweat
When I see you
And the worry
That your eyes might lose their shine someday

I want you
In all the ways that
I am probably not supposed to want you
But I do

I want our wrinkles to one day fit
Like ****** up Ziploc bags
It’s that bad
So kiss me
Before I tell you that

And maybe
keep your eyes closed
Until I can trust them
Because I want to

and already
i see the lay of the land before me,
all it will bring.

i travel up this mountainside,
for what else can i do
but move along?

the cold fear grips my head,
leaves my hands bloodless,
frozen upon the reins.

and i dig,
i dig the spurs of my resolve
into this steady steed.

to this place i go now,
this hot burning land
where all my anger dwells;

and the music there screams my name, screams

my complacency.

i train my gaze upon the horizon of

my freedom.

and i dig;
i dig the spurs of my resolve
into this steady steed.


Here be my dragons!

and their hot, fetid breath
will scorch my vapid plain.

You were in your forties then, lived upstairs with your
old man, gave the neighborhood someone to feel better
than. I was maybe nine or ten, and Franny, oh! I could
have cried when he blacked your pretty gypsy eye and
Franny, oh! my restored hope when I saw Joe, his lip laid
open; Franny, you could throw a punch. So here's to right
hooks, Franny. Here's to gin before lunch. Here's to street
smarts and cunning hearts. I didn't end up like you. I got
out of the neighborhood. I'm my own woman; that's our
slogan, but you know, Franny, sometimes even that 
makes me feel like I'm swinging my fists in a third floor flat.

As the crow drowns
Insidious profound friend
End of candor
End of the end
Rose roots and runic worm trails
Fail-safes left unattended  
Unmended vain tatters
What matters?
What truly matters?
Dreams of red in ribbons
Seething bloodlust and dead intent
No rest for the wrested

wild the way that summer nights consume us
as we lay mesmerized in the damp grass
by the tiny buzzing bugs
who's butts blink bright inches above
our shining foreheads, thick with the day's sweat

and as our fingers walk a thin line
from blade to blade
they begin to dance
around one another,
seemingly full of life,
but all they yearn for is a place to rest

our faces are but inches away
and i can see the freckles
on your shoulders
as i look down because you've
already caught me staring
one too many times

little do i know, you're studying
the way the moon picks up
the blonde streaks in my hair
and the scar that sits
next to my left eye
and makes me look tougher than i am

and if we could both burst open
we would and our insides
would explode into the sky
like giant burning rocks hurtling
through the atmosphere,
gravity tugging us closer and closer
until we finally collide  into one another,
a beautiful disaster

i haven't slept in two nights
i live my life from
cigarette to cigarette
i live my life from
word to word

i haven't brushed my teeth in two days
i live my life from
bustop to bustop
i live my life from
raindrop to raindrop

i haven't had *** in two weeks
i live my life from
pestilence to perjury
i live my life from
decadence to debauchery

i spend my days in the sun
i spend my days in a stupor
i spend my days in a sofa
i spend my days in a state of confusion

i will rest my head on a brick tonight
and i will dream of a young girl with blue eyes
being swept away on the crest of a blue wave

i will dream of selling my soul for a handful of quarters for laundry
i will dream of old eyes by firelight, and old war stories
i will dream of a blindfolded angel with fire for hair walking slowly across a room
i will dream of a clear night sky in the country
so black but i can see the stars,
my god can i see the stars

i will dream of a world as bright as the sun
burning and falling to the ground
burning and falling to the ground
burning and falling to the ground

Where did you go?
I thought lifting up
A box searching,
Searching; for time

They said X would mark
Where I could find
Her heart resting
Right next to mine

But mine is me
And me not you
So she and me
Can be the only two

I went to a brand new town
Spread out across the desert like a prom queens legs

The place has one restraunt
The place has one gas station

I made a mental note to look em' all in the eyes.
The guy at the counter was human enough

His nametag said MIKE
Mike, your *** is mine

What'll it be boy
**** people who call me boy

Just this
bottle of water

That'll be a dollar, son
**** people who call me son

I pull out a dollar
well...a dollar that looked something like a Colt Python 357.

That put a damper on ol' mikes day
I bet that **** fool ****** himself

I wonder If he noticed the sunlight flickering off  guns mother-of-pearl handle
I sure did

Take all the money. Please just don't **** me
I don't want the money, Mike

He whimpered when I said his name
******* always do that

What do you want then.........
Mike, I want to **** you

Sure enough he had to have a reason
The worst ******' word in the world

Why

and its nemesis

Because

You want to **** me just because?
because why?

Right there I knew Mike would never get it
He would never understand...poor old mike

Your about to get a wake up call Mike
Your about to be free as **** and not know what to do with yourself

Mike stands there with his hands up shaking
At home his wife is talking on the phone to her sister about going up there on vacation

Mike says
Please I have a wife and kids

Please don't **** me
Please Please dear God don't **** me

Mikes daughter was making him a fathers day card with a glue stick and glitter
Mikes son was licking the **** of some girl. Parkeed out by the Big Red Rock.

Mike Listens
Mike wants to live

Listen Mike
I say cool calm and collected

Your about to get it mike
Mike imagines his wife reading his obituary

You are about to lose your own soul Mike
You know...gain the whole world

Your about to be free Mike
You are one of the lucky ones

No need to thank me once you've gone Mike
You just enjoy it

For a second Mike looked like he understood
like he mighta got it

Let that which is given
Become lost

Let that which is gained
Become lost

Let this ******* pig, ****, trash, ****-stained-matress of a life
Be put out with the Monday trash

Mike knew he was in for it
Done for

I asked mike if he wanted to die like a man
I looked him hard in the eyes

He said he sure did
I asked him if he was ready to do the work of the universe

The work of god
Yes I am

I hand mike the gun
and the first bullet takes me through the right eye

So slow I can feel the optic nerve sever
before I die

before I die
I see mike standing over me

Looking down at me
this giant bleeding hole in my head

Mike says thank you
I tell him...Hey Dont Mention It

After he empties the rest of the rounds into my head
Mike walks out into the desert

He walks to my car
Fills it with gas

and gets inside
right there on the seat where I left the

box of shells for him to find
reloading

key turn
engine crank

and the car pulls slowly onto the street
the car drives down the desert road

****, it sure feels good to be free