i wish i could have touched you while we were still in love

I hate these ******* walls,
And this floor that wont support me,
Your roof is no shelter,
But an excuse for fascism,
**** your self righteous,
Jesus-*******-Christ

You're a ******* ****,
Wont stop for months,
Force your **** down my throat,
*****, respect me just once,

*******, you're no mother,
You're just more ******* proof;
I'd rather die, freezing
Than live under your roof

my guilt makes you feel guilty
and my pain results in your tears
can i not feel my own emotions
for once?

if i bleed
you bleed

but that's not how i want it

empathy
is no longer empathy
when your wrists bleed
at the sight of mine
stained with crimson

You try to justify
That a high mind
Cant find a way
To understand the pain
Of another

Can't control me with guilt any longer
Because a high mind is no wronger
Than a sober one

If anything
When my brain is chemically altered
I'll have way more ******* sympathy for you

when you touch me i want my whole body to
slide into the ridges of your fingerprints
so i can leave parts of me
on everything you love

and i love it when the sun rises now
because
when the light hits the side of your face in that way that it does
i can feel the blood moving through every part of my body

and being alone isn't so bad
when i'm alone with you

and before i could say that i loved you
i wanted so badly to only want you once
(okay twice)
(okay three times)
because i can't
get
enough
and i will always be terrified
you can

and now i get to tell you i love you
whenever
i want
and you're mine
and i am yours
(keep me)

(please keep me)

9:23 i threw a piece of cake at my dad
9:40 i am trying to climb up the wall to the beat of *** drop by wiz khalifa
9:52 my girlfriend is asleep so im just ******* to ****
9:54 i can't get off so i start singing *** drop by wiz khalifa very loudly
9:56 my dad yelled at me for singing
10:15 the whole kitchen is clean now and i run back upstairs
10:19 exchange with my mom goes really bad we are mad at each other now
10:21 slamming my door shut three times because the wall shook really hard the first time
10:45 and no one is awake and no one is talking to me and i am alone


3:45 i am watching intervention and sobbing because the alcoholic socialite is more beautiful than i will ever be
3:58 google search: ptsd flashback racing thoughts grounding skills creative
4:00 surprise surprise the internet has disappointed me i can't breathe
4:12 i'm writing a poem about bipolar disorder because at least maybe it'll get me some attention