I've been places where the dark is its sunlight
The noises are naked and noisy
My ears block out screams
The screams are carried in trash bags that are placed in holes in the earth that play performences to recollect value
Oh dear God what ive been deciphered as is scriptured in your book
I haven't yet noticed the fullness of time and my patience is running out
There are songs that blend with my soul
There are days where the sun doesn't give light to my world of cancer
I look forward to foggy days for some kind of push to create a man out of myself
When I see myself, I see that I'm inspired by magic lanterns and damaging the atmosphere
At times I leap back a few and notice my mistakes
And I noticed no one loves a cannabis addict who roams the moving universe I'm creating and destroying
There's little hope, but no water
There a destination, but no roads
There's dreams, but no sleep
There's your future, but I'm not there
There's people, but no humanity
It's 4am, I wonder what I'll look forward to later on in my dreary merciful prison

everything that made me
is forgotten at some point of self progression
and yes, the meaning of true love changes within every lover you love
it seems like it gets truer everytime you fall again
but the things you do arent the purest
maybe one day i will center my interests and arrange them
but everything is scattered right now, and I dont know... I think it's beautiful
im obsessed with a lot of things
im obsessed with the grip of your hands around me when im kissing you
im obsessed with the cold weather and how it makes me feel like such a hopeless form of heat
creating myself has had it's obstables
and God has put some flat walls that are hard to climb
and my mother has made my ears hurt due to the screaming in my ear because of my behavior of doing the "right"
the world is patterned with joy and regret
at times I dont know where to go
and everyone else has chosen a path that may or may not workout
i have trouble doing so, i want you to hold my hand while I do so
because people can make sweet tea bitter and pian reflects glory
the tires on my bike are flat
and my destination is getting further
it seems like the longer I stay a still
the further and harder I have to fight
i thank obstacles for creating me this far enough to love the unloved
i think i finally see the upside, and stars arent so far
the sun isnt so suffocating the breeze i want to feel when im with you
catch me stealing stars like stealing smiles from the happy
maybe contradictions are taught in heaven
maybe truth is taught in hell
and maybe i just love you a little too much
maybe living is worth it now
i think it's now

the morning calls
and its waiting for your answer
sleep ignores the rings
the birds sing for you to wake up
the worlds rotation stops
your pillow holds your head closer
your mom doesnt know what to do
the cars on the streets stop
the stop light stays on red
your mom's is questioning Gods graciousness if its destiny for you to sleep forever
she holds you close, and her tears fill the room with emotion that's contradictory to smiling
her tea starts to boil, she doesnt care
she holds you close
everything that made you is still
your moms hours are running fast because the pain stills cherishment
and all the pretty faces you've encountered throughout your whole life are the ones looking at the stone you're under
and all the bad mouths regret how they used to tease your way with words
your school announces your death and the silence around the school is a reflection of how you used to be in class
and your soul shouts freedom in the sky
your carved name on the stone you're under is a sign of victory and the end of bleeding ears

im afraid the sun doesnt wait for me in the morning
im afraid people will love me for the wrong reasons
im scared of people understanding art one day
im scared people will look at me and think of me as an ideal teen dreamer
im afraid the stars are just reflections of the people who are sad
im afraid my soul is decaying as i think of ways to save myself
im afraid to let go of my mothers hand during prayer
im afraid of speaking up to my preacher about the doubts ive written about the bible
im afraid people will find out what type of photgraphy i like
im afraid people will make fun of the music i listen to before i sleep
im afraid the government keeps track of my internet history
im afraid of falling in love with the devil
im afraid of wonders i could have never thought of
im afraid im just another one Gods children
im afraid im just another one of those puppets Lucifer controls
im afraid of the eyes i look into when i look at the mirror
im afraid of a lot of things
im afraid of my mom not coming home one day
im afraid churches are illusions of a peaceful place
im afraid the only peaceful place is your heart
im afraid the only safe place is between your arms
im afraid i only feel peace when im kissing you
im afraid to live
im afraid to die
im afraid of myself

The oxygen of trees give life to my lungs
But also confuse them
Trees can give and take
The strong branches can swing your body around when a rope is tied around your neck
The shade their hundreds of leaves give me dry my sweat after a long bike ride
I wonder how many cigarettes I've ashed on trees, I hope they dont hurt them
I am most grateful you're there instead of ashing if on my neck when I'm feeling down
I am most grateful you're there when I'm tired of hitting flat surfaces with mt fists
I am most grateful you were too high to climb when I wanted to hang myself that sunny morning
I'm grateful you made me smile when I was 6 at my grandmas house in Mexico, the tire they roped to you and pushed me in made me most relaxed
I didn't have much to worry about, but you took away the little of sadness I had
Thanks for listening to me cry when I ran to the park and sat and leaned by you after my dad hit my mom
You've swung so many bodies
For laughter
For a visit to the room of judgement
For accidents
Ode to you
For giving and taking
You've done both for me, I wished you weren't so hard to climb
But thanks to the altitude, I'm here
Breathing to what you give me

Wake up and smell your mothers pancakes on a Sunday morning before church while your dad is watching cartoons wanting to be a kid again
The childhood he never had is on tv
The food his mother could never afford is on the pan cooking
You wake up and hear the hope birds sing while you inhale the scentless air
Stepping inside; your sister greets you with a hug
Knowing she doesn't mean them, you smile anyways
On the way to church the thoughts of provoking ****** things come up while the bible is on your lap
The bible slowly starts to rise
What am I?
What are you?
What is your purpose?
You stare at the priest with such questionable doubt
Is he lying to me?
You walk out of church with tears rolling down your eyes and suddenly realize you're in a dream, and you have to wake up soon because the questions you're asking  yourself are hurting you
You take the train to the city
Listen to the birds for the last time, take the elevator to the highest floor of your favorite building and throw away your body to the empty air that feels like a million swords stabbing you as you're going down quickly
Your eyes open, and gold gates are opening
Hell is deceiving, you'll die a million more times tonight
I'm alive