I am such a Poetry Philistine,
It is no good unless I make it rhyme.
But that can take quite a lot of time,
When I get it wrong I will whinge and whine.

Now this one has made me very unhappy.
In my head it was good, written down it is ******.

John Isner and Mahut,
Whatever did you do?
I don't know who to sue.

Oh Isner and Mahut,
Much taller Isner grew,
Mahut, he dived and flew.

John Isner and Mahut,
I'll rhyme until I'm blue,
To honour both of you.

Oh Isner and Mahut,
Not even time to pooh?
I can't believe it's true.

John Isner and Mahut,
Aces firing through,
I don't know what to do.

Oh Isner and Mahut,
The chances, they were few,
Like in game ninety-two.

John Isner and Mahut,
Grit shown through and through,
My hat is off to you.

Mahut and Isner John,
What the hell is going on?
**I love Wimbledon.

There was a young lady called Gristle,
Who once cleaned her *** with a thistle,
  It did not work well,
  And left quite a smell,
Which left her alone under mistle -
toe.

I'm an idiot, idi-fool,
Idiot, idiot, idi-tool,
  Idiot, idi-lump,
  Idiot, idi-chump,
Idiot, idiot, most uncool.

I'm an idiot, idi-goon,
Idiot, idiot, idi-loon,
  Idiot, idi-berk,
  Idiot, idi-****,
Idiot, idiot; a buffoon.

I'm an idiot, idi-plum,
Idiot, idiot, and so dumb,
  Idiot, idi-pratt,
  Idiot, getting fat,
Idiot, idiot, feeling glum.

Gatt wishes he'd never been born,
Says his brain is the size of a prawn,
  You know the old spinner,
  But he ain't much thinner,
That ****** Aussie is Shame Warne.

He can bowl a big turning ripper,
Then fool you with his quick flipper,
  While he comments on sky,
  And eats one more steak pie,
Before you're done up like a kipper.

Even with the bat he's not bad,
Drives the opposition quite mad,
  He could captain them too,
  More than Ponting's IQ,
But he's gone and us Poms are just glad.

You must pay attention now please,
What I want is a full flavoured cheese.
  It will not make me fat,
  I will not believe that,
It will help all the joints in my knees.

Stroke my coat it is fluffy and sleek,
Do it well, and my knees will go weak,
  Gently rubbing my spine,
  Makes me feel so divine,
So much so, I could let out a squeak.

You have learnt how to treat every cat,
Be sure that you endeavour such that,
  That cat will be grateful,
  At every new plateful;
No more gifts will be left on your mat.

It was good to have Lumb in the side,
South African birthright aside!
  Though we must be fair,
  Shane Warne got him there,
He smashed all the bowlers with pride.

Our bowlers used plenty of thought,
Even Broad who often dropped short,
  He did it with style,
  And showed us his guile,
And everything hit up was well caught.

The Aussies expected to chin us,
They didn't think we had it within us
  In that final meeting
  We gave them a beating.
England the T-20 Winners.

We made them look like beginners,
Or old forgotten dog's dinners,
  The Aussies got thrashed,
  Their bowling was smashed.
*England are T-20 winners!