I said to him
I'm sorry
I don't know what it's like to love
And be loved
I hope you understand
He nodded
And left
And took his heart with him
And today I stand
With my heart in my hand
And I hold it out to you
*I don't know what it's like to be loved
Do you ?

I was 7 when I learned the art of touch
but that doesn’t make me ******’s sister

I was 14 when I thought I figured out *** and love
were one in the same

so tell me why everywhere you touched me
I began to turn black like a the band of a fake ring on a child’s finger

I began to turn a colour I could not wash off
with soap and water

the darker I became the more you began to
smell of rotting meat left out in the sun

you were festering and the holes in your heart
burned through to your skin

sometimes in my sleep
I still smell you waiting in the darkness

and sometimes in the shower
I still find deep marks I cannot ever seem to get rid of

Everyone in this life might mistake the look in your eyes as love
But I will never be so easily fooled again

I know a girl who would **** herself for a dare

I know a girl who has words tattooed on her body like a scroll;
a rite of passage

she found herself face to face with a sleek and solid gun

I know a girl who could make you eat your heart out
on a gold lined platter

I know a girl who laughs in the face of danger
and the fact that a jail sentence is supposed to scare her

a lot of the time she talks in third person
and she skips a few nights of sleep
because once she heard that sleep is for the weak

You're killing me
With you words
With your smile
With your touch

To show someone
Paradise
And then
Deny them

Look at me, babe.
No. Really look at me.

Without that blank stare.
Without those bloodshot eyes.

Hear me with your whole head.
Listen now, with your whole heart.
You're hanging over the edge,
And this time, I can't pull you up.

We will go down together.

Oblivious to the sting of rushing cold air.
It's too dark to see.
We can only feel that familiar tingle deep in our stomachs.
Until suddenly
We hit th--

I long for your hands
Warm and cold
I long for your touch
I long for you
To hold
Me
Forever

He saw her
From his window
One rainy day
She was smiling at nothing
And drenching wet
He waved

She was crying
Next to him
One rainy day
And he put his arm around her
And told her it would be okay

She took his hand then
And they would sit together
And knew that they would
Want no one else
No matter the weather

And finally they confessed
What was in their hearts
And I'm still as much in love
In every way
As I was
that rainy day

We were on the jetty eating orange popsicles
and staring out at the glittering afternoon sea
I was eight years old the first time you ever uttered the word

cancer

it wasn’t a just a sickness anymore
it was definite
it was terminal
something permanent

I was eight years old the last time I held your hand
as we walked back to the car

I haven’t been back to Maine since
or on a jetty even though I’ve always loved them

I was eight when I went to church and prayed for you the entire service
little knobby knees kneeled on the velvet

I was eight when you died

I was eight when I told god to go **** himself
and ever since then I’ve had a hard time with belief

I’ve had a hard time being in a church without feeling angry
I was eight when you were buried
and it still feels like it happened just yesterday

I look for an outlet
A reason
Any reason
To be sad
Because then
I dnt Hv to think about
What's really bothering me