I remember that summer by the lake
How you were surprisingly quiet that day
and nice to everyone which was weird
no sarcastic remarks
or swearing

so unlike you

your wit had died down
if we hadn't known better
we would of said you were distracted
But grateful for the change in your
demeanour
and teaching me to skip stones
If only you had taught me how to place my heart in my palm
and throw that away
instead

You weren't one for smiles
but you didn't like dramatic send offs either
that's why I was surprised when we found your cold body on the floor
bathed in the afternoon sun
In your fathers cabin
by that god forsaken lake
Under that red sky that turned everything the shade of your blood

Cassie slipped and fell and screamed
But I didn't hear her I was too busy focusing on you
willing myself to see a chest rising and falling
but all there was, was static
somewhere beyond Cassies screams

And Luke rushed to somehow clasp your wounds shut
The reflexes of a Doctor's child
But he didn't see that there was no more blood left to flow
and you were blue and cold
but you seemed unburdened of whatever
was eating
you

I remember feeling relief
I stood there
numb

We laughed at your funeral
At the irony of it all
and when your aunt got up and said you were the most
kind, generous young man
we almost died of laughter then

you were the most cold sarcastic ******we ever met

but still loved you

Jake elbowed me and said "What would he do if he was here right now?"
I smiled  "He'd jump out that ******* coffin and give his mother a heart attack"
Because it was you after all
You did love dramatic endings

Rain bounces off my window,
sounding like the drumming of hundreds of fingers.

I have a problem accepting higher powers,
a doubt of all things that don’t resemble Peter Pan

I keep my mind in a perpetual daydream.

Pressing palms to my throat
My words give heat to my fingertips so that I might remember to write them down this time.

The city streets – the lined paper of my day
I wander all over town
Keeping my finger print in my eye socket
I put my special touch on the world

Punching in the numbers,
I discovered the lifespan of a fleeting thought
in less than a second.

My heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird
I tap on my forehead and try to stay coherent
                                
                       ­                                                                 ­                           Maybe I should drink tonight...

I keep your name buried in my vocal chords.
Afraid that with one soft vibration
All my confessions will come spilling out.

Your eyes close like a sunset.

I built a moat inside of my rib cage
So when you say that you will love me come hell or high water,
I pray that you are serious.

You sprawl across the floor spreading your limbs as far as possible
Simply to make yourself feel important.

If I had a nickel for every time that I thought of you, I would be five cents richer.
For you are nothing but a single, continuous thought
that weaves its way throughout my hours.

I leave Scrabble pieces everywhere I go
Spelling out my confusion with a handful of consonants.

Stripping off clothing and anticipation,
We go streaking through the city streets.

I take off my shoes and feel the gravel dig into my heels

You glance down and my ******* peak your interest.

A girl with priorities, I take a vow of silence.
Inhale. Exhale.
Gasping. Breathing.

I choke on our misunderstandings

I swallow your name.

l cradle my palm
at the basic
knot
of her skull.

A tiny mound
forcing against the flesh.

So I give it a little pressure,
just to get her to go deeper.

Just a stem
of movement.

she looks up at me
with petal-green eyes,
"grab the back of my head again,
see what happens."

She murmurs it,
because her white teeth
hover
over my
red-headed ****
like a guillotine.

I want you to see the hole in my shirt
where your heart went through like a Colt 45,
and opened a dream at the back of the neck.

Here,
let me unbutton it for you.

I want you to be
as ****** up as me