i would feel useful, i should
if not for the fact
that i am so used to it

ten pm, there's time
time for a movie
maybe
but i don't know what to watch
i don't know if i've seen that before
don't know if i should

ten pm, ******
**** this scrutiny
definitely
but i don't know what you want
i don't know if you've seen this before
don't know if you should

ten pm, i wait
await my sadomasochistic fate

if there's anything left
to salvage, i
wouldn't even know what's right

but if you still insist
i try, i'd even
find a reason to resist

it's not that you're black
or that i'm white
somehow i'm left at the back

whatever
i'm done

it's that I trusted you
and i feel let down
it's okay
really, it's okay

i feel you too

it's what it is
just that
you're sorry
okay

je suis pardonner
não foi minha culpa
lumela seo u se batlang
namaste

i can't bend your hand
i can't change your mind
what i can do is accept

wherever i land
whatever i find
what i'll do is pay the debt

what debt, you ask?

try to understand
i was always kind
i always gave you respect

draw it in the sand
but spare us the blind
what else did you expect

accept nothing, except
what gives cause to the effect

god is everywhere
it is the canvas
and i am the ink
that toils
and it boils
and i think

the truth is everywhere
it is a highway
and i am the tar
that binds
and it finds
the black star

i think i've found a way
to make it all okay
to make a bit of sense
in a sycophantic way
theology, philosophy, it's the same
eternal life, paternal strife, the same
chemistry, epistemology, the same
it's all the same

it's what we leave behind
in our work and our deeds and our thoughts
yes, even heaven has a shelf life

we've spent months
staring at the stars
talking to ducks
looking for tomorrow
and the best thing
you could come up with
was never part of it

i have a hunch
living on mars
not giving a ****
bleeding your sorrow
that the last thing
you came up with
was never part of it

it's okay, believe me i know
it shows

woah
let it go, i ogtitel,
haow.
hahahaha
ahahahah
bliksem se donder se fok

there's a me that loves me
and a me that loves you
most times they're the same

but the demon in me
and the demon in you
are playing a different game

the me that's in me
and the you that's in you
don't have to be the same

but the you that's in me
and the me that's in you
are betting all the same

let's say you make a decision
justify it any way you need to
stick to your guns
put up with the shame
make it your own
and take the blame

let's say that happened
i'll spell it out if i need to
nobody won
everything's the same
nowhere to run
and no claim to fame

and then everyone else had another idea
because that's what you told them
all this time, this immeasurable fear
that thing that you sold them

can't hardly speak, if only
i've never, ever felt this lonely

I GET THE FUSS

i do
i totally do
i hear talk of 'do what you want but hurt no-one'
by hurt they mean harm, i'm sure
but what's the difference

that war
that vicious war
that thing that says 'war is an attack on our existence'
by existence they mean acceptance, for sure
but what's the difference

my place
my impenetrable place
my need to 'not implicate anyone'
by implicate they mean inconvenience, i'm sure
but what's the difference

there's a dark line
between hurt and inconvenience
isn't there
it just isn't there

when sorry isn't enough
then something else is wrong
you're right, i should have known it all along

don't say a word
until you've thought it through
you're right, everything is always about you

try not to laugh
even though it's hardly funny
you're right, it's not about the money honey

when you've had your say
and nothing else is wrong
we might, we ought to just try and get along

until then please watch your tone
neither of us wants to be alone

i once thought
that the next world war wouldn't be fought over territory
but resources
energy
water
but i was wrong

it turns out
that the next world war will be fought over ancestry
and excuses
family
slaughter
and all along

the finity of the planet has more value
than the portion of it that it affords you
what actually belongs to anybody?
the enemy has always been ourselves

*

i think
that the next world war will be fought over poverty
and privilege
sympathy
majure
and so it is

it just so happens that i have a white skin, kind of beige actually
but i hope to move to mars eventually
and if what i represent ****** you off
then i hope you win

change is not the problem
the problem is the change
we've drawn a solid line between
the sacred and the strange

i don't mind if you connect
with something in your mind
we always build a bridge between
the things we leave behind

time is not a currency
yet current is the time
the things we rescue in-between
the stark and the sublime

change is not the problem
the problem needs to change
we need to build those bridges in-between
what we arrange

and, dig this:
nothing is so secret that requires it to hurt
nothing is so sacred that remands it to the dirt
nothing is so tired, so miniscule, so intricate
strange problem indeed

no light
no fear
this is where we began

but dark is vast
and fear is relative

and so begins a cycle
of forming light
and fighting fear
as each one provides

i am not afraid
i just can't see
i survived another year
there's balance in the tides

output: i thought so
input: i hope so
stream: i am so
audio: just listen

i couldn't think, i blinked
and nature stayed it's course.

i keep it all inside
so everyone can see
the way that i react
the things that i say
the choices i make

i keep it all inside
so anyone can see
the way i interact
the mantras i pray
the risk that i take

any way you spin it
no-one wants to be alone
it only takes a minute
and you're on you're own

i keep it to myself
as much as it hurts
the way i reacted
the things that i said
the choices i made

i know, it's not exactly what you'd expect from me
but i don't know what else i'm supposed to be

i am not an idiot
but the more you make me out to be
the more i wanna be one

i am not an idiot
but believe me, i can
but i won't
i can't
so long as you don't let me

i am not an idiot
but i may as well be, after all
i wasn't that much fun

i am not an idiot
as hard as i try, everyday
but i shouldn't
i wouldn't
so don't make me

let it slide, let it go, besides
they weren't even meant to know.

if a tree dies in the forest
would you ask for it by name?
not likely, since we lend the same to paper
as we do our splintered shame

yeah i know it doesn't matter
to me, at least not yet
it's likely, since we know what effort
gets given to that game

we know, right
we've seen it
with our own eyes
our own aberrated eyes
we've seen it
with our own eyes
our own
subjective
eyes

you know you've made it
when you're good enough at showing off
how good you are at listening
and how well you know the song
and show them all how to lead

that's an intractable skill, i mean
finding one between the other
and getting the dance right
between the two

you know you've made it
when you can't tell one from the other
when it flows through you
how well you know the song
and show them all how to bleed

that's an amazing achievement, i mean
putting one before the other
getting the balance right
between the two

you know you've made it
when both sides make sense to you alone
when it glides through you
how much you know you're wrong
an achievement indeed

not choosing sides
but living the moment
we should sometimes try
and achieve
know not the consequence
nor the challenges
just close your eyes
and believe

how to really feel alone
make a decision
then get told what to decide

an excellent soliloquy
reminds us what it used to be
the blue behind the sky suggests
the time beneath the hue

with perfect synchronicity
another lost epiphany
what's left stays in-between
the crime, but for the few

so let it go free
let it bleed superficially
the blue behind the sky begets
the eyes beneath the glue

this wasn't meant to be unkind
i didn't know what else to find

today i learned
what shame is
or what it isn't

to get caught
and do it again
is to have no shame

take it for granted
and do it again
is to have no shame

take what you want
and do it again
is to have no shame

admit that it's wrong
and do it again
is to have no shame

feel bad about it
and do it again
is to have no shame

i didn't break it
and do it again
is to have no shame

you'll never know
and do it again
is to have no shame

i'm in love
such a shame
again and again and again

i woke the same
as i did yesterday
i saw the flame
and tried to pray

all for one, you said
not for some, you said
black hole sun, you said
it didn't come

the day i tried to live
i kept my head down
alive
in the superunknown

but you fell on
black days

so i'll drink to health
while you **** yourself

like suicide

hurt is not a thing
you pick up and carry around with you

guilt is not a thing
you pick up and pretend it's okay

love is not a thing
you mop the floor with

no
hurt is your experience of it
guilt is how you deal with it
love is what you do with it
whatever it is
that's okay
it's okay
it's okay
shh...

it didn't have to be this way
i never should have let her
i never should have drawn that line
i'll never let it sever
i'll never let it obfuscate
the square beneath the sand
the angle that's between us
the risk of sounding bland
what's between us is right
it's like dividing a pie
into four

soon it will be over
then another one can start
a measure of aggression
an excuse to be apart

if it isn't in the air
if i offered you a voice
you'll never find me there
you made your ******* choice

c'est la vie.

not afraid to choose
between wrong or right
not afraid to lose
not my fight
broken like a fuse
that's alright
they're not my shoes
they were chosen for me

i get the balance

you say one thing and do another
gain something and lose another
let one go and choose another
bruise one side and hurt the other

you laugh at one and laud another
trust in one and stab another
rip the arms off one another
sling opinions at each other

i heard it all from a to z
but i only got as far as x
because i didn't understand the y
or what for

we're not alone
you nor i
we have words
and that's an implicit contract

but be careful
what you say
we have words
and they'll hurt you, in fact

it'll never be
up to you
we have words
they've already been hacked

you're not alone
if you want
we have words
and they're pretty exact

and that's why i take them so seriously
you'll never even know what they mean to me.

say it
say it again and again
say it
over and over again
over it
over it again
again and again

it may well be that it comes from within, but it wears thin
especially when you don't even know where to begin
whatever you thought you'd given in, that insignificant sin
let it spin baby
let it spin.

so soon, so far
where are we going?
so good, so far
always leave me hanging

so sure, so soon
why are we leaving?
so far, so soon
always end up laughing

so you just laugh away
catch up with you another day.

eat it, dude
you asked for it
you need it more than i do

beat it, dude
beat it senseless
that's what drums are made for

need it, dude
appreciate it's worth
that's what we call respect
and maybe we'll unearth
some gratitude

feet first
dive in
don't look
be safe
take care
get some
find us
in there

i've done nothing wrong
but i'm willing to concede
that i got it right

there's something i need to do
and i don't know how to do it
and that's why i'm asking so many questions

so strange, art

it isn't animosity
or self-righteous hypocrisy
or violent democracy
or calculated diplomacy
no

this is figuring out what's right
and what's fair
and the rest of it can go to hell
there's no reason to yell
there's no story to tell
there's nothing to sell
your dignity fell
right out of it's shell
with the laundry as well
you know i can tell
the sound of the bell
reminds me
finds me
peace

when i put my trust in anything
be it your claims of innocence
or her claims of dissonance
all i ask is
whether it was worth it?

if i happen to be wrong
be it my stupid intelligence
or her perfunctory ignorance
all i ask is
was it worth it?

if my back is squarely up against the wall
and nothing makes any sense
besides the obvious pretense
all i ask is
what is it worth?

whatever you think it is
we can fix it in increments
like the poodle hole in the fence
all i ask is
do you think it's worth it?

i do, but
i wonder
wonder i do

it wasn't my intention
to be this far apart
i'm craving a connection
but i don't know where to start

too precious to ignore
too gorgeous to forget
it burns so much it's sore
but it won't destroy me yet

just know i think about you
every day
and all i wanna tell you
is that i'm okay
and that i'm sorry
and that i don't know what to say

rain is addicted to gravity
pain is addicted to chemistry
love is addicted to empathy
safe is addicted to security
it's all good

dreams are addicted to imagining
age is addicted to hurrying
empty's addicted to nothing
everyone's addicted to something
and it's all good

we all seek comfort and that's just fine
a bit of yours for a bit of mine.

assume if you must
people are not always right
so assume with care

the burden of proof rests on the accuser
failure of which would determine the loser
i shudder to think i was ready to lose her
if ever it turned out to be true

but then again,

the burden of trust lies with the diplomat
who flits back and forth, what's with that?
as hard as i try to figure where you're at
if it really, solemnly was you

rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.

it's best not to judge but don't be naive
you never know what they've got stashed up their sleeve.

i'm lost

between what i said
and what you heard me say

between what you thought i meant
and what i thought you heard

between what i tried to say
and what you chose to listen to

between what you felt
and how i feel

i'm lost in a sea of ubiquity
you don't understand what this means to me

a soul that's
lived a life that's fed up
always ends up
in a landfill
full of souls

speak or die, it said
so i thought i'd stage a silent protest
in the end, i might have won
i dunno

breathe or sigh, she said
it doesn't matter anyway
in the end, i could have won
i dunno

so i hang off every word
break them in half if i have to
in the end, i think it worked
i dunno

you can hurt me if you like
turn me all inside out
in the end, what end ******
i dunno
i just dunno

i am not a microphone
i'm not an amplifier
the things you see around me
aren't because of who i am

stuck inside the present dome
i'm not the pacifier
but what i see around me
still ends up on instagram

that suggests it might have been
concealed beneath the bigotry
of someone who presents a scene
who wrestles objecivity
but what if i was wrong
what if i was late
what if i had heard a song
too visceral to relate

then, yes

i am not a journalist
i'm also not a liar
with everything around me
do i really give a ****

so what, indeed, is all the fuss
i represent the rest of us

you spin me right round baby right round
like a record baby right round round round
you spin me right round baby right rchk
pin me right round baby right rchk
pin me right round baby right rchk
pin me right round baby right rchk
pin me right round baby right rchk
pin me right round baby right rchk

in at least 50 words, what is a database?

i guess a repository of information
that's indexed and accessible
easily sortable, amendable and movable
supports atomicity, durability and something else that starts with an i
and has lots of data
lots of data
some more data
and then a bit more data
and even more data
loads of it

there. why do we make things so complicated?

i'm not immune to this
sea of hedonistic heresy
i just know how to swim

there once was a little bird
who thought he'd fly home for the summer
and while everyone else was leaving
he thought he'd stay behind a bit
and shack up with that other chick
but then he was off...

the wait proved to be disingenuous
he never made it with the others, as
the winter crept in it got too cold to fly
and his wings got frozen up, so
he fell down into a field
and got shat on by a big smelly cow.

but there in the warmth
his wings had revived, even though
his nose had almost dissolved
from the stench that he woke up into
and he began to sing! so happy he was
that he had survived...

okay, so this one's been used already:
the little dude gets really excited
which alerts a fox, who promptly
trots over and eats him up, with a
cute little bib and a nice chardonnay
and that's the end of the story.


there was a punchline to this little parable
but the gist of it is: don't **** it up
there's nothing to be proud of
being in a puddle of muck
and if you haven't been caught yet
there's no reason to want to...

just do what you're taught
and find ways of doing it better

i'm not afraid
to let go
just in case you happen to see me falling

but tonight
i'm holding on
because i don't wanna see you go through it again

and i'm afraid
if i let go
that this time you might fall down with me

and tonight
after i'm gone
you'll do it all over again