this is how you always will be
etched into my memory
that's how you got me
a brilliant mind
naughty, for sure
(perfect)
instantly pure
ostensibly kind
that's where you will be
ingrained within my memory
this is how you always should be


okay, i've missed out on a jackpot
but not for lack of trying
slithered past the sweet spot
put up with all the lying
spread out like an ink blot
too intricate to die in
it isn't what you haven't got
it's what you put it in
but the one thing that i'm not
is what you'll always be
behind the blind, beneath the rot
between the mensch and me
i totally gave it my best shot
now finally you're free
the space behind the parking lot
the colours that we see

i don't think i'll find anyone quite like you ever again
you fattened me up, only to rip me apart, and then
we made a decision to start all over again
and we did it again
and again and again
forever and ever, amen

i love you. i look after you. i take care of you. i want the best for you. i buy you your medicine. i put a roof over your head. i found us the oxygen. i let you sleep in my bed. i let you get into my head. i listened. glistened, maybe. i exploded. imploded, then exploded again baby. i fought, won and lost all at the same time. i need you. you need me. we can work it all out together, you and me. and we'll sail all the seas, as long as we need to, but you lied.

it can be fixed. but you don't want that. it's okay. it was worth it. don't know why. never will. it exploded. imploded, then exploded again baby. and then arranged itself back into a neat little pile. i trusted you. i let myself into the comfort you provided. i must be braindead. tumour, rumour, enough has been said. loser you said, ahead of the rest, put to the test, surely, maybe, but you lied.

i don't mind if you don't understand me. but please stop telling me who to be, and tell jf and nixie to shut the hell up. i get the impression that reason's enough to make me a victim, sure i concede, i don't even know how to read. between the lines, the subtly sublime, i thought it was time, but you lied.

you got what you want and it's not about me
good job

i'm not seeking any atonement
i'm just looking on with astonishment
another complicit assignment
another perfunctory accomplishment

it's worth taking a moment
to throw it all away
because at least you can say
you tried

i don't see what you don't mind
and i don't mind what you don't see
they might seem incompatible

for me, i saw you speak your mind
but i don't mind, i get it
and i'm not about to forget it
i can't, it's unforgettable
sometimes it feels regrettable
completely unimaginable
it might not seem compatible
but it is

what do i do?
doesn't matter, i guess
she said so

he represented all of us
a lucid mind
and a giving soul
the sharpest wit
and a focused goal
in a broken body

i still have my first copy of a brief history of time
and the things he said in it are still as sublime
as the subject it tackled, the passion, the rhyme
it will resonate through me in space and in time
for as long as i'm in the horizon

there it is, you got what you want
but you don't know what you want
so you got what i gave you
and i did it to show you
that i can love you enough
but that wasn't enough
you just don't understand
god, i don't understand
what you mean to me
yet it's all about me

you can't tell me what i did wrong
so i've literally done nothing wrong
you made it my fault
but i can't be at fault
so why should i care
if you couldn't care
why should i give a ****
when you don't give a ****
why should i worry
about your worry

while back here i'm terrified

i would hate to live in the fear
of those things
you hate when they're near

in my life i don't ever want to hate
any of those things
but i think it's too late

growing up, getting old
yeah those things
no matter what we're told

living with the hate of this fear
it's those things
that aren't what they're supposed to be

i fear the hate
i hate the fear
i communicate
and they're gone