You only once
apologised to me
For something I didn't know of
and didn't know was wrong

Maybe it's good
that you tried to change things
but will you ever say sorry
for all the hurt that you caused?

Jesus performed a miracle today
said the alcoholist
explaining why drinking wine during a lecture

But the miracle wasn't that
the miracle is
us all
being alive

The body is not an apology
I once sat on a bicycle, naked
with 3 medical students cheering at me
I don't believe I ever pedaled so hard
three strangers talking small talk while staring at my sweaty *****
And I was not even allowed to say anything back
but at least now I know I own a strong hard

The body is not an apology
I get uncomfortable just talking about nakedness
yet every week I make small talk with naked strangers
while fastly putting on my normal clothes
right over my sweaty body
I'm way too scared to take a shower like the rest of them

The body is not an apology
I didn't swim since I was fourteen
eleven years of excuses why I shouldn't swim, but honestly,
I just can't handle the image of myself in a bathing suit
I'm the fattest person I ever met
And I'm so tired
of trying to find apologies
for being what I am

The body is not an apology
and neither are eating disorder, depression or small budget
Neither is too tired to cook or genetics
my bones aren't any heavier than yours

The body is not an apology
But maybe my gym card is
and my food diary
and my salad for dinner
Maybe it is enough
that at least
today I tried

In reality
my dream prince didn't have a horse
couldn't even ride a bicycle
had no money for a car

His eyes weren't blue
or dreamy
But even browner
than his skin

And happily ever after
lasted only until
he kicked me out

Romance
without love
awesome?
or tragic
confusing
or just
another way of doing things?

God is a coma patient
awareness His secret
no ability to communicate
with whatever outside His head

Imagination
is His only weapon against
centuries of nothing
that's how He became God


Imagine His boredom
lying in that bed all His life
wouldn't you als create 7 billion imaginary friends,
if you were smart enough to think them?

Imagine His brilliance
creating the universe
then somehow stepping inside
His own creation

Imagine
how great the real world must be
if one simple coma patient
can create Ours

English is not the language of love
My heart often got lost in translation
My heart often fell off a plane while
trying to place itself in another country

How many times
didn't I confuse my lovers
with language new to them?

And how many times did they
not get to transfer a message
because the words were too hard to translate?

English is not the language of love
our hearts aren't native speakers
the translations
keep us too far apart

English is not the language of love
the reason my boyfriend left me
is still trying to win my heart
'can love if i'm' are his broken words

life forced him to learn too many languages
when he was fleeing from country to country
from the people who murdered his family

I wish I could let him flee into my heart
but it's not a safe place
I am warground
grenades of trauma's and lost love still wound me
Don't try to come inside my heart
I closed my borders
don't give asylum

I'm not safe
It wouldn't be fair to you
to let you in
for I would wound you
like 'he' wounded me
while you saw us
breaking up

De spin
hangt aan een zijden draadje
hij heeft dat draadje zelf gemaakt
nu maar gewoon er niet aan denken
dat dat draadje niet stevig is

the poems
I inspire
are much better than
the poems
I write
Thank goodness