THE REAGANS KILLED MY BEST FRIEND

THOUSANDS MORE DEAD, THE PLAGUED MASSES PLEADING TO BE MADE CLEAN

THOUSANDS MORE INCARCERATED, THE JUNK SICK DESPERATION VOMITING UP DEMONS IN JAIL CELLS

THOUSANDS MORE HOMELESS, DEEMED WORTHY OF NOTHING MORE THAN SPARE PENNIES AND BARELY CONCEALED DISGUST

I will not let the blood be washed away
I will not let history paint you as Saint
I will not let you be made holy
I will not become another casualty in your war
Not while I still have a voice
I spit on your grave
I see red
I bleed red
I am red
I am a rifle
I am a nuclear warhead
I am a Contra weaponizing loopholes in the law to **** my enemies with
I am Osama bin Laden as the Crucifed Christ
I am the AIDS victim drinking drop by drop of toxic blood while the hawks of war stifle laughter from gay jokes in their capitals
I am the ****** bashing my head into a wall hoping to destroy the itch before it destroys me
I am the beggar who the wealth never trickled down to
I am the mental patient met with closed doors anf nothing but ammunition to soothe the screaming in my head
I am the workers on strike chiming out the death knell of the unions and my own autonomy
I am the Soviet child living one badly timed joke from holocaust

I AM THE DEATH MASK OF YOUR ANNIHILATION
I AM THE DAMAGE DONE
I AM WASHINGTON BURNING DOWN
I AM MOSCOW INSOMNIAC
I AM HINCKLEY IN MY DREAMS I **** YOU EVERY NIGHT
I AM WATCHING YOU RISE AGAIN
I AM TERRIFIED OF YOUR SURVIVAL
I AM READY TO DIE BEFORE I LET YOU RESUME CONTROL
I AM SICK OF LIVING IN YOUR SHADOW
I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

Lonely boy
Why do you feel this way
Why can't you get up and leave
All you do is lay and wait
Is this how you want to be
I'm sorry but that is not okay
Don't make me hit you again boy

I am getting out today
This snow is on the ground but I'm not feeling the cold
I'm naked and innocent
Please don't contain me
I miss the sunflowers

I hope you regret not saying that you're proud of me
The blood that's running down from my nose makes me miss your hand

It's funny that you find what you are looking for when you least expect it
You're walking down the street and you walk passed your soulmate
You dream about someone that was thinking of you before they fell asleep
This is a grain of salt on the biggest desert landscape
If you don't get it just right you won't be able to make it right anyway

It's been 10 years and I'm on my own
I haven't seen you since then and I am happy about that
That grave made you crazy
But how come seeing your father pass made you neglect your son
That's backwards thinking

I hope that you don't hear this
If you do
You'll get mixed emotions
The wrong idea
Things you can't see
I'm not mad or upset with how things are
This is just my sick and twisted way of saying i love you

I've been sitting here wondering
Conversing with the girls next to me about who they are going to take home tonight
Many of them don't have any cash so I spot them a 20
As any gentleman would do for the herein in destress
Right?

Wrong
These woman are not who they say they are
They've been taking over our brains
Because what you don't know is that they are actually aliens
I hope that they are aliens because at least they would come in peace

I've been thinking a lot about space travel
I want to go away for awhile
Take me to where there are unicorns and griffons and gnomes
A place that is magical
Because as of right now
I don't want to be in the United States of America
Because we can't decide between a women and a corrupt business man
To run our country
What does it matter anyway

Well all die one day and we won't know what's next until we do
So maybe just maybe we should all hold hands and somehow we could break the portal of life and death with our bonds
I am pretty sure that is just wishful thinking
I am going to miss you guys because I know that we are going to grow old and start dying off
That makes me sad

I've been thinking about going off the grid for awhile
Just taking my phone and smashing it into pieces so that my head can seem a little clearly
Because right now I'm really foggy and I don't have a broomstick to knock down all of the cobwebs

I'm sorry this one sounds a bit weird
It's been a rough day

COME ON BOYS LETS KICK THEIR ***

I'm sorry
That may have been too forward
I am just so full of energy
I want to smash your face in
Take a broken bottle and rip it through your throat
Breath all of me
You can't run away you fool
What do you take me for
Pity pity pity

IM SORRY

Okay apology accepted
It's a good thing that I don't care because I kind of already killed you
Oops
That's not blood officer
It's ketchup

SETTLE DOWN SETTLE DOWN COURT IS NOW IN SESSION

I think I'm quite sick
Don't send me jail
Take me away
I'm a lunatic
Boy oh boy
I want to play in the padded room
And maybe even paint a pretty picture of a typhoon

HES DEAD SIR

How could he be dead
There is no way he could've killed himself
He had no weapons
It's a padded room for Christ sake
Okay look this isn't going to be an easy coverup
Call president bush and tell him to **** another one of his assistant secretary
That should do the trick

THIS IS ALL JUST A GAME TO YOU ISNT IT

Why yes honestly
Do you think this crazy smile and stupid laugh is all just for show?
Well I mean that's besides the point
I'm sorry you just can't handle my sense of humor
This isn't my fault

Take a nail
Stab it right through the middle of my palm
Now do the other one
Do you feel any better seeing me pinned here

This is what it feels like to have you pressure me
I feel cornered in a room and that doesn't have a door
It's has a window though
I'm stuck here in this chair

My eyes are turning black because I'm sick of blue
I don't want this but I'm trying for you
I am sorry that I am not good enough but God please know that I'm trying my best
Push me on the ground
Stomp on my face
Use my blood to draw a picture of what I should be doing
Use it to make a list of all the **** ups adding up

I can't sleep anymore
My brain keeps me awake but not in the I'm so energized right now way
In the I'm too tired to sleep way
Take my hand
I make get a little blood on you
I hope that's okay

I hope that soon
I can finally take this chair
And throw it through that window
And finally be free

What I don't know is that the chair is nailed to the ground and the window is glued shut
There is no escape for me

Things have been uncomfortable
I don't know much how to handle it
My writing has gone to ****
And I honestly am scared

Everything feels very one track
And I don't fully feel here
As in I don't feel connected to earth
It feels like I'm an outsider on my own life
I'm sure this just sounds a little dull
Melodramatic even but I wanted you to know that I am concerned

I don't think the hospital could help
And no therapist would tell me what to do
I can't tell them how I feel because I don't know how to explain it
I've been waking up with nose bleeds and I think they look really cool
Maybe I'm on the verge of dying but I don't know it so I'm still living

I hope that I don't leave you guys behind
I don't want to be missed like this
I know I'm a little morbid at times
But I'm just pouring all of my blood to feel fine

This isn't like last time
I haven't done anything stupid
But I feel like I should have
At least I would have known why I feel this way

This is something that I haven't ever felt
It won't let me run away
I'm stuck in a nightmare
I hope that you will come find me

A sadistic sickened scatter brain is something I consider myself to be
Not in the over emotional attention seeking teenager kind of way, more in the overthinking pain seeker, seeking love and affection where I know I'll get hurt
It isn't much of wanting to get hurt, it's more like wanting to be with someone so badly that you don't care how badly you're getting hurt because of it, someone who over analyzes how to get someone else to fall in love with them, forgetting to care about themselves and only caring about the person they want so badly to be in love with

It really shouldn't be hard, it should be easy
I know I don't ever shut the **** up about you, but I can't help myself
As much as I hate this, I can't stop
You're everything I want
Really you aren't, I really don't know what it is about you
Maybe it's your recklessness and how badly I wish I didn't care about everything like you don't
You pull off danger in the most seductive way, always on some **** that I've never heard of, and I ache so badly to have you
You're a ******* car crash and let me be the first to tell you that I'd die for a rush like you

You live on the edge and I'm stuck in my safe place
I'm finally coming to the realization that being in my safe place is good for me
You're just so enticing, I'd do anything to get a taste
Maybe it's the lust that's trying to convince me that this isn't love
Maybe this is love and we're just too young
You keep coming into my life and I can't tell if I should appreciate it or hate it
Either way, I don't know what I'd do without it
I don't know what I'd do without you

It ***** to be so attached to someone that doesn't even really know you're in love with them
It's been five years and your face was and still is the only face that could make my heart flutter with a simple glance
I just wish I knew what was holding me back
I don't know if it's a sign, that I should keep away, that you're a mistake
Or if it's just my head holding me back because of the ones who came into my life and rocked my world so badly that I don't have the ability to trust anything or anyone anymore
I don't know if the ones who ruined me were there to make me realize that you're my diamond in the rough, or if they taught me to stay away from bad feelings like this one

I know I should talk to you, but instead, here's another poem documenting the breaking of my heart
Maybe that's why I'm so self loathing
If I hurt myself, no one else has the chance to

You don't even need to break my heart, I'm doing it myself

I'm growing my hair out because it's the only thing that tends to stick around with me
I keep tugging and pulling at it even though I know I shouldn't because eventually it will all fall out, just like your love did for me
We fed off of our negative energies, my toxicity and your lack of understanding
We were bound to end up broken eventually, I just wish it wouldn't have happened this soon, I wasn't ready
I'm just a child too immature to handle everything around me, I know I need to change, but I'm too caught behind my stubbornness to evolve from something like this
It's affecting those around me, but I don't care
It's starting fires and I'm not even trying to put them out
I'm a disgusting ******* and I don't want to do anything to help myself
I'm just going to continue to bury my feelings and emotions into the hearts of the ones who seem to care the most about me, hoping they put up with me long enough for me to grow up and realize what I'm doing is sickening; maybe I'll change then
But until that happens, I'll continue to cry and mope about everything that makes me upset, even if it isn't worth it, even if it's hurting the ones around me, even if I know I'm doing wrong

I AM THE VICTIM IN THIS, I AM DOING NOTHING WRONG

--

Man, shut the **** up
You're so stuck behind your ego that you can't even see straight
Stop ruining the innocence of forgiving hearts
You know you're going to hurt them in the end, so why do you keep going?
Why do you refuse to come to terms with yourself and realize you can benefit from your disasters instead of maturing a little bit and facing them like you preach so much about
If only you understood how genuine of a person you have the potential to be, but you're too busy trying to avoid your problems to care about any of them
I just hope you know this will tear you down if you don't stop it
The ones you think love you will turn their backs on you for this
Stop acting like a child and man up and stop blaming everyone but yourself
You know you're in the wrong, start acting like it, it's all we ask
We love you and we want to see you prosper, but this won't end well if you keep acting this way

Love isn't a blame game and you aren't the victim of anything

I, the capitalist war machine,
I, the magnificent static,
I, the bomb shelter peace,
I, the twenty four hour news cycle, the rise, the relapse, the detox, the retox, the crucifixion, the rebirth, the disgrace, the continuation of the theme repeating ad nausea towards annihilation,
I, the caged ******,
I, the black boy bleeding to death,
I, the rioters in the street,
I, the Wall Street gallows,
I, the old money militia,
I, the yuppie **** appropriating culture from the scraps of endless genocide,
I, the shock value mockeries of conventional moralities dumbed down to be digested,
I, the blood spilled on sacrificial altars on holy ground,
I, the celestial body ignored, passing back and forth endlessly through peripheral visions,
I, the madman howling at the moon for some ******* peace and quiet
I, the pill popping siren choking on adoration,
I, the mass hallucination shared and reshared till it loses all meaning,
I, the Pantheon collapsed,
The downfall broadcast,
The television unplugged and still playing,
I, the crushing realization,
The devastating grip of ruinous apathy,
The movement monetized,
The victory shallow,
I have built this tomb with my own hands,
I have changed the channel one too many times,
I have let this consume me
I am guilty
You are no better
Lie still
Let it consume you