You are the sand that I hold
        
              for mere seconds before it
                   
                               slowly spills through
                                     
                                                 the cracks between
                                                        
                                                                    my fingers.
                                                        ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­    Leaving me with but microscopic granules,

insignificant nothings.

                                                               ­                  You are the white crested waves crashing upon the shore

warming my toes for only seconds in the

                                                                ­                                                                 ­                            damp sand.

You recede, to the deeper blue, leaving my toes too chilled to move.


                                                         ­                                            I can be your sunset, if you be my silhouette

imitate my morning light within the sky

                                                            ­               in your brilliant mind remind yourself, the sun is also a star.

I feel with each passing day, my flame slowly dies.

it will frequently
flutter
if you
let it

the doubt, that is

there is no proper
preparation for
the plummet

even though you're terrified of heights
your stomach drops

falls to it's death

suicidal stomach syndrome

splattered about on sun-stained pavement
among chewed gum, spit and countless sin

you don't follow it down, not just yet
there's no reason to

all roads lead to the bottom

putting the bottle down
the only thing you're picking up
is another
or the tab

until your walking turns into a crawl

until everything spins so fast
that motor skills never existed in the first place

and before you know it
you're roadkill with the rest of 'em

scattered about with those pieces of yourself

drying out in unforgiving daylight

You are
       the poison running through
                                 cold veins
       the name exhaled under
                                 shaky breaths
       the melody drumming through
                                skipped heartbeats
       the haze clouding my
                                every thought.

Without you
              darkness filling
                         demons reigning
                                    dread consuming
           endless night.

Yesterday, I sat in front of the TV and watched my life play out before me
Like a badly directed sit com with scripted laugh track and jilted dialogue.

Opening theme song by: that obscure band you pretend to like so they’ll like you  

Starring: that older sister’s friend you thought about under the covers at night.
Starring: that family who said that boys liking boys and girls liking girls was destroying our nation.
Starring: that boy who held your mouth closed and forced you to wash his *** off your tongue
Before he called you baby and allowed you to kiss him.

Starring: that loving God who, you’re told, will no longer love you if you are true to yourself.  
Starring: that girl who you can’t have.
Starring: that girl you shouldn’t want.
Starring: that girl you can’t live without.

Starring: that society who taught you to hate your body.
Starring: that mirror that reinforces what they say.
Starring: those thoughts that tell you to give up because you’ll never be as smart as your sister.
Starring: you’ll never be as pretty as her.
Starring: a number on a scale that determines your self worth.

Starring: wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely
Starring: loneliness  
Starring: self-loathing
Starring: ****** thoughts you keep hidden because Christian girls like you should like Christian boys
                Like him who fingered you in his truck not an hour after praying in Jesus’s name.

Starring: that flutter in your stomach every time you hear her voice.
Starring: her being the reason you’re stay alive.
Starring: life, your life, lived by you and no one else

Starring: You, with a bible in one hand and a cigarette in the other,
                Because surely one of those things will smoke the demons out, you think.
                You hope.

There is no real date
To know when I had loved you
And there is no fear and limit
For the things you'd say, I’d do.

I'd swim against currents
And drown in tides fathoms deep.
I’d climb the highest mountain
And jump when you say, “Leap.”

I’d break the largest mirror
And walk on its shattered glass.
I’d run around the earth a thousand times,
Just to make us last.

I’d fly a plane through a storm,
Never stop until it’s through.
Yes I would do this all,
So you would love me too.

My mouth can't help but oblige
              when I'm looking into your heavy
                        steeped, black espresso eyes.

A wicked, soulful grin
      tongue & cheek with ***** words
                 bite my lip & watch you grin.

Press my back up against the wooden door,
                            loosen the lock on my lips
                                     you'll definitely enjoy what I
                                                                   have in store

Run your hand under my waistband
            and touch me like a painted maid
                                                 soulful, melodic
                                                         passion breathes  
                                                           in the tongue riffs
                                                                           you play
                   the symphony of pleasure you produce
       is such a tease

Yet someone else has left lines in your sketchbook,
paint splatters on your notebooks,
memories in your songs hooks.

All the lines of lyrics, memorized
recited to me time after time
darling, open up your
water coloured veins to me
let me patten your psychedelic heart
and watch my paintings bleed.