in some sort of twisted way
i've missed having someone make me spit

that wondrous insignificance that comes
with letting somebody under your skin

every word out of their mouth an attack
& every action they take purposely meant to exclude you
to tease you
to please them
to watch you squirm

letting somebody in

it's even worse when they sneak through
a window
without you noticing

& then it's over

they tighten their grip
around your rationale
your compassion
your free will
and suddenly

everything is about them
and everything brings you to your knees
and you want to cry out
and scream

but you wouldn't want to disturb them

it's been a while since i've jumped through hoops

but light them on fire
suspend them over impossible heights
and foolishly my heart will guide me towards
doom grounded in absolute certainty

but fight
cry
struggle
laugh
dissect yourself
as her every breath magnifies every
insecurity you thought you had completely buried

yes
in some sick way
i've missed being made so sick with care

with worry
that i don't stand tall enough in the eyes of
some inconceivable creature

an inexorably important
omnipotent mind-numbing
force
in complete control

in short,
i am ******

i've missed being ******

I can't get out of bed

my mind is overlapping
overextensions of the body

alert
lethargic
dream state zombie

fire flickers frequently
on pretty rocks next to me
liquid I'm consuming
forgetful
free
and dooming

wind chimes
chiming
ringing
off vibes
singing

lost time
finding
rebuked
meanings

underbite
teeth clenched tight

but I'm smiling
bigger than ever

clever weather
sending me
hurling towards
obscurities

a crying running nose

lights blinding to near pain

shielding myself under feeble covers

till life breathes within me once again

Bust your back
So you can bust a nut

extreme parallels
what ever that could mean

but as I stand out
in unforgiving frost
pondering incongruity
and all things
just like the winter wind
they whisk about me

I see spirit
I see body

I can't hope to understand

But I accept it

they exist because they must
as all opposites rely on the other
to mean something

& the forces pulling at each
side of you
have more to do with
things in between

than you could comprehend

then the smoke starts
to burn when it
it breaches the body

and while you cough
& cough knowing
that you have
done it to yourself

stars will continue to twinkle above

America the brave
with sour taste I'll let that ring true

I'll be the first to say
the inexplicable ways that
every person today
gets off on fading away

and taught to not be a hero
putting yourself out for real
afraid of feel
mind of fabricated steel

putting yourself first

but with all that is said
some openly accept death
for good of those without thought
worrying about what **** they've bought

they put everything thing else first

people like that will always exist
on last resort instances
and I feel like that just may be
& I feel it perpetually

that is what's immutable
that's what is feared
that is what's expected
that's what is revered

and that still exist

and with all things considered

all sullen debts
those obsessive rendezvous
every second spent alone
thinking about the future

something truly human exists
surrounded by the material
the synthetic
the escapist

humanity
exists