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its not about what you look like or what you like or how many things we disagree or agree on, its about the company of just having you there next to me smiling, laughing, going mad, or crying, being a friend that doesnt need to comprehend or know my story to be there for me and support me through the good or bad
and its just one of those things that could never leave me alone
words, sentences trying to figure out how to put it all in place so it could make sense to you
so you could read my sappy writing about a girl who puts her thoughts down before going to bed
and you could, but you dont have to, agree or feel anything and i know i am not as amazing as Charles Bukowski but i hope one day i am and i hope that this thoughts wont drive me crazy tonight
will I ever be good enough for you? will I ever fill your silliness? your happiness? your sadness? will I fulfill your needs and wants? will you learn to love me? will I learn to love you?
I love the way he stares at me without a tease
though I wish he had the ***** to talk to me
he only stares at me from a safe distance
I wish he stared at me face to face
I wish his friend didn't like me so things won't be so awkward if anything were to happen
I like his voice and the way he sneakly stares at me from his peripheral vision and looks away to secretly smile
I wish it wasn't so hard to talk to strangers I guess ill just take the initiative from here and see the possibilities
stressing over a homework assignment that has absolutely no meaning and is complete *******
stressing over a guy who stares at me for the whole lunch hour but wont dare to say hello because of whatever reason and i dont know whether to make the initiave or not
stressing over wanting to rebel and scream at the top of my lungs and run away to a place that wont make me oh so satisfied
stressing over family on how obnoxious they can be but still being patient because i love them
stresssing over trying to make him notice me
stressing over wanting to "fit in" to some sort of crowd that doesnt exist
stressing over not knowing what i want to do for the rest of my life
stressing over not knowing whether id find that person to complete me
he sat there so calmly he made the world stop, breath, think and then let it get back to its job creating misery and blossoming creativity that only scares the ones who are afraid to move on he is so beautiful, so serene you want to kiss his cheek while he reads corrupt lies and misunderstanding signals if only he looked up once he would know his found love but instead he hides underneath the books that tend to pretend to give him life the kind of life that's not living but the kind of life that's just breathing
we all go living life the same as yesterday expecting different results but people can't seem to understand that in order to have something extraordinary you have to do something extraordinary
when I get closer I can see the dark circles under her eyes exhausted but still trying to hold on I could feel her pain but I can't taste it she won't let me she lets me breath next to her and lay with her while she secretly cries in front of me but I can't get to her she won't let me in she won't let me love her the way she deserves to be love
I'm starting to forget the names of those I've spent a... what seemed to be a lifetime of adventure, love, and great friendship I try hard not to forget their name because they've made a mark on me they each taught me something whether it was small or big n I still wish to see them in twenty years and say hey I remember your name and exactly how you scarred my life and not necessaryly in a bad way but in a way that made me realize that good memories don't need to last forever in order to have known something beautiful while it lasted
she drank beer the way I drank water she had a beer bottle and cigarette in one hand and the other caressing me she said I wouldn't understand even if I tried so she took me to bed and kissed me until I was full on naked and ready to **** she serenenaded me with words that meant more to her than me but I couldn't understand because she mumbled half the **** she said I called her beautiful and she said thanks she didn't even look into my eyes but she kept a smile the whole time I couldn't tell how many times she'd done this but I knew she had experience the kind of experience that you know she's been around  she acted so casual and played me like a doll I didn't do anything but stand there and let her control me and take over what little sanity of me I had left
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