Dew drops trickling down the grass.
Laying in this field with you and the times continues to pass.
Sun shining on my face.
I love this feeling.
I love the dew drops dripping on your face.
Singing to me softly, making my heart swoon.
Rolling around in poppy flowers, waiting for the moon.
Getting up running to get feisty.
"C'mon baby, get up and catch me."
Chase me. Chase me.
You know you want to taste me.
Beads of sweating glazing down my back and breast.
Rolling in a poppy field.
The sun begins to rest.
Poppy seeds. Poppy seeds.
When were done weak in the knees.
"C'mon baby, get up and catch me."
Moonshine and fireflies.
World's spinning around your thighs.
You make me feel alive.
*Baby you are my high.

Young and invincible.
Do you really think the bullet is going to miss you?
Preconceived ideas.
The time flies by in these young years.
You think you are young and invincible, no one is invincible.
Death is a fate in which we all share.
Don't think you were superior due to an outfit that you wear.
So you think you are invincible? Here, hold this to your head. Pull the trigger.  
I can guarantee your death.
Oh, why are you shaking?
Why the heavy breath?
I thought you were "invincible", superiority at it's best.
Death is something you can't escape.
Talk about invincible, Death is our  fate.

I'll never tell you how I wish I could end my life everyday.
A coward some say.
Unable to fulfill the deed.
I've always just wanted to be happy.
How hard can that be?
I've wanted to tell you how much I really love you.
"I love you" cannot even begin to explain how I feel.
Being with you was once the escape in with I would long for.
Yet, something is different.
I noticed its not the same for you.
This depression, the not caring.
Seeing things for how it really is.
I wonder..
Do you really love me?
The way you say you do.
Not just him, but all of you.
So much greatness that I have in store.
When I've fallen knees to the floor is anyone really there?
Never showing that you "care".
"I'll get over it. I get over it."
Okay I ******* get it. You don't want to listen.
Listen to the pain that you inflicted.
"I get it"
So many things I'll never tell you.
Thinking I'm doing just fine.
You only care for the empty "I'm okay"
Would you care if you were the last person I spoke to before I threw my life away?

I try to speak and I choke.
Barbed wire and heavy chains itched around my throat.
Every moment and I choke.
Gasping for air, yet, I can't breathe.
This depression taking over me.
I submerged from your waters only to be pulled back in chains.
This pain.
I'm unable to explain.  
The suffocation in the water is nothing compared to my dry throat.
I choke and I choke.
Through the stormy clouds I pray for rain.
Hopefully, ends up in rusted chains.
Rust begins to seep into my skin.
Blood the taste of iron.
Dry throat is now flowing with blood.
I choke.
I constantly ******* choke.
Lips cold.
Eyes roll.
Everything's okay.
This depression my lifetime buddy.
Friend that constantly chokes me.
Every time I try to speak..
Can't you notice I don't breathe?

Another disagreement between us.
Love and Trust.
Which is more important you say?
You fail to realize they are equal as one.
"You can trust a friend and not love them."
But can you be in love with your partner and not trust them??
Another one of my opinions you shot down.
I know for a fact that Love and Trust are as one.
When you broke my trust..
It was only up until it was finally lost for me to fall out of love with you.
Even after I tried so hard to stay.
What is love without trust anyway?

Spilling myself out.
All you do is scream and shout.
Listen, please.
My last breath.
The unforgiving.
How can you leave your daughter alone.
You left her with the same man who tortured you.. left her in his home.
Calls of distress, yet, your boyfriend is whom you rather impress.
You are supposed to love and protect.
Neglect.
Fourteen years old.
No place to call home.
Cannabis a girl's bestfriend.
Avoiding "home" when He was alone and drinking.
Avoiding everything.
The last breath.

I feel the temptation taking over me.
One more time.. come on
"You know you want me."
Inhaling blissfully.. exhaling realizing..
I'm empty.
Old habits, just let me be.
Popped two or three.
Stumbling on my feet.
Temptation dominating.
Wanting you in me.
Unable to control myself leaning towards your lips.
Surprised when you reach for the kiss.
Pressed against me.
What shouldn't be.
Becoming reality.
In me..
Your force pulling me in.
My personal Jinn.
Willingly giving in to You.
Giving my soul to you.
Him. My Jinn.

She apologizes even when she isn't at fault.
Used to accusations.
Apologies embedded in her head.
Now she always feels wrong.
Apologies to him due to his pain.
Hurting and being hurt.
Broken hearts breaking hearts.
Unintentional.
Another apology.
Sorry for hurting you even though I'm still hurting because of you.
That doesn't matter now does it?
Apology after apology.
I'm sorry you hurt me..
I apologized for my lack of trust.
Can these apologies cease.
Please.
For me at least.

I bid you all farewell.
As I make this journey on my way to hell.
Maybe if it does exist.

The fixated smile.
My mind turning vile.
Bottling everything in just to keep this smile.
Anxiety attacking each breath.
Wishing my body was at rest.
"Stop!"
Can't you see, that I no longer have the energy?
No longer to keep up with this fixation.
Frustrating, the worst frustration.
Aching bones, peeling at my flesh.
The happiest thoughts in your head are death.
A way out of the situation.
The final destination.
Bottled tears you've been holding onto for years.
On top, my decision doesn't make him stop.
Coming home again dealing with the man.
Blood rushing through my head.
I'm better off dead... better off anywhere but instead I deal with the pain.
Consuming me.
Am I sane?

If only they knew the constant struggle of everyday.
People telling you it'll be "okay"
Waking up wishing that you wouldn't one day.
Starring into a distance slowly losing your self.
Not caring about mental or physical health.
If only they knew the smile on your face wasn't real.
If only they knew you were reaching the point where you couldn't feel.
Numbness.
Yes, that sounds right about now.
Sitting in silence.
But my thoughts are so loud.
The promise.
No longer feeling the need to keep.
Crying on knees.
"I'm weak."
Save me..
Next day nothings change.
I continue to smile so they don't see my pain.
I continue to act like everything is the same.
Continue to allow these thoughts to drive me insane.

I still remember the day I ******* up.
The day I let down my walls.
Giving you access to my trust.
More like I fell off of my walls instead of letting them down.
My own walls blocking me out.
I don't know where I am now.
I'm am lost in my thoughts.
I hear this constant beating.
My heart.?
Why am I bleeding.
Preconceived ideas of us meant to be.
How could I have walked into this so blindly.
I trust you..
That's why this hurts.
My invulnerability.
Are you to any worth?

Isn't it ironic, how we tell others to stay strong, yet, we can't do it ourselves?
How we give useful advice, yet, we never receive any help.
We try to keep everyone around us strong.
Knowing we're the ones that need help all along.
Keeping everyone out of harm's way.
I guess we should be considered superheroes saving people everyday.
Putting others needs before our own.
God forbid if our problems are shown.
The ones that can't stay strong are the ones that keep a strong posture.
Appearing strong in reality we're weak.
Merely helping others while stumbling on our own feet.

The faint smell of cigar will always linger on my neck.
The whiskey you spilled on me always on my breast.
A friendly night out is all you asked for.
Shoving me into the room.
"You can't leave, it's too soon."
Slamming the door.
"GET UNDRESSED."
Stammering while you walk.
Twisting my arm, falling to the floor.
"Get up. Get up. Be my little *****."
I knew "just friends" was just some little joke.
Turning around swooping hands.
Choke.  
Against the wall a piercing shove.
"You know you are the girl I've always loved?"
Crumbled up money put into my mouth.
"Kiss me and tell me you love me on your way out."
I'll never forget the way you told me you loved me..
Before you blew your brains out.

I am your prized possession.
Embedded words of what body parts belong to whom.
Who do I belong to?
You
Your trophy that never leaves her place.
While you are left to venture in search of another treasure you can't taste.
Your prized possession placed on a shelf.
Others gaze upon your prize with twinkling in their eyes.
Asking for a price which is of course denied.
Crimson turns your face as others find interest in your possession.
I shine for you, yet, I don't catch your eye.
Abandoned possession until caught by another eye.

Your stare burns at my flesh.
Biting my lip I try not to blush.
The fact that you are starring only makes me hot.
Turning the sensations within my ***** into a continuous motion.
The thoughts begin to surpress my mind.
**** I think to myself.
Exactly, ****.
All I want in that brief moment.
Push me against the wall while holding my arms up.
Own me.
Pull my hair and **** my chest.
Just **** me.
Are these thoughts some sort of test.
No longer able to remain still my legs begin to quiver.
Biting my lip, I long for your lips down on my lips.
One quick shiver.

My heart aches not only from him.
My heart aches knowing you love me.
The way I love him.
My heart aches seeing you in pain.
The way I'm in pain.
You deny the fact that you're hurting.
I see through you.
You tell me I'm wasting my time.
I believe you are right.
You tell me to give you a chance.
I'm scared of ruining everything.
You tell me you love me.
But I love him.
You always smile when you look at me.
I notice because I see through your smiles.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
You tell me you love me.
When I can't even love myself.

Don't judge the lost soul.
In love with the devil.
Her heart he stole.
The sweet embrace of poison lies.
His slithering tongue between her thighs.
She loves him.
The opportunist embedding lies into her head.
Used her love to get her in bed.
Beautiful man with a sullen soul.
He held her, she felt whole.
Beautiful soul in one gulp.
Aware of his treachery the girl couldn't cry.
The devil took everything, inside she died.
Don't judge the girl with the lost soul.
When everything she felt, he stole.

Would you still love me if I told you that his lips still linger on my skin.
If I told you that I thought of you while I was with him.
That he made me feel alive while you were killing me inside.
Constant affection that was received.
All I ever wanted from you..
I begged and pleaded...
I'm not a priority I was just something you thought you needed.
Until that need was a had and I was thrown away.
Would you still love me if you found out I was hiding things from you?
Someone else having my attention other than you?
I highly doubt you would love me..
The way that I loved you when that is exactly what you put me through.
Would you still love me if I confessed how tired I am of being hurt by you.
How I stare at him wishing his face was between my thighs.
Fantasies of another guy.
Every time you lie.
Did you ever really love me?
It's so easy for you to lie.
Your "I love you" has no meaning to me anymore.
"Sure"
Would you still love me if I told you that I was falling out of love with you?
That my heart no longer had a beat.
That you were the one that killed me.

Seven years old, a small child and burying my friends.
I realized life will eventually end.
Ladybugs and butterflies.
Finding friends that passed away.
Nature.
We all die, someday.
Flowers blooming such a beautiful sight.
I never understood the concept of life.
Picking flowers, placing them in a vase.
Petals falling, shriveled dry.
Death surrounding, feast your eyes.
Such a beautiful thing.
Misinterpreted into fear.
Death is beautiful.
Embrace what is near.

Drip. Drip. Drip.
Rain is normally a tranquility.
Yet, today my insomnia is taking over me.
I close my eyes..
Drip. Drip. Drip..
Wide open again.
Torment
Another night of sleep taken from me.
I begin to slip back into sleep.
Drip.
Lighting up Jamaican incense.
Thinking about nothingness.  
I swear the rain is bringing out the affliction, bringing out the pain.
I stay awake thinking about you.
Wishing you could feel my pain.
Thoughts driving me insane.*
I can't sleep.
I love the rain, but tonight my insomnia is taking over me.
No longer able to sleep.
I run outside letting the rain drench all over me.
Oh how I love the rain.
Thank you again, Insomnia, my dear friend.

Steaming shower I begin to drift away.
Hot water flowing down my body.
Sensations I can't describe.
****** tension, I feel alive.
Pleasure coursing through my vains. Burning water, I love the pain.
Biting me along my waste.
You look like you could use a taste.
Push me against the wall.
Water dripping down me.
My little waterfall.
Bite my neck and grip my ***.
This feeling I long for to last.
Wanna go for a dive?
Grip me hard between my thighs.
Tying the rag so you stay in place.
Shower heads don't go to waste.
Begging for a little taste.
Eyes roll back in ecstasy.
Just whisper how badly you want me.

I lay next to him and I visualize your lips on my lips.
Our good morning kiss.
One of the things I miss.
I thought I could get over you breaking my heart
But
You're still here..
I just can't trust you.
But my God.. It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Trying to get over you but my heart won't.
Hands around my throat.
His arm wrapped around me.
What's happened to me.
Lingering emotions let me be.
Release me from your toxicity.

I was beautiful until the day you told me I was.
The day I believed you and the look in your eyes told me I wasn't.
I was "beautiful" as I undressed myself for your pleasure.
I was "beautiful" when things went your way.
I wasn't beautiful when others would look my way.
I thought I was beautiful up until that day.
I felt beautiful as our flesh became one.
A connection of the soul to me was just your way of having fun.
I thought I was beautiful up until the day you broke my trust.
The day you broke me.
Painted faces couldn't fix the broken girl.
Looking in the mirror and all I could see were bagged eyes and the memory of the girl I used to be.
A broken girl tired of all his lies.
A "beautiful" girl who stayed up all night and cried.
A selfish man who continuously  lied.
Killing the girl he "loved" on the inside.
I used to think I wasn't beautiful
Until the day I left your side.

The intimate touch and I flinch.
Thinking of your hand on every inch.
Retracing lines that were already drawn.
You don't mean me any harm.
Stretch marks.
Insecure.
"Relax baby, I love you more"
Imperfect, yet, in this moment it feels worth it.
Exposed bodies and souls.
Skin to skin.
Worlds unfold.
Gripping down my waist.
Kissing down my thighs.
Looking at each other eye to eye.
Lips upon my skin.
So in love with this guy.
Sweat drizzling down backs.
Stinging scratch marks.
Pulling hair.
I like that.
Skin to skin.
Warm breath from him.
The thing I love the most about falling asleep.
Falling asleep skin to skin

Heart is aching.
Fingers are shaking.
Slowly I can feel my heart is breaking.
Sharp pains in my chest.
These thoughts becoming my slow death.
How do I suppress these thoughts?
Please just put me to rest.
Dreams are better than reality.
I wish things were better.
Believe me.
Feelings that I can't control.  
Falling deep into this world of words.
My vision and coordination, everything is blurred.
The only clarity I have is with the one thought.
Thousands of words left unsaid every word in which I have felt.
My sanity drifting away.
*Maybe one day.

No matter how many times I tell myself that I can't love you.
You can just look into my eyes.
See that I lie when I try to hide it inside.
Not knowing what I want in life or where it will lead to.
Only knowing I want you and it always leads me back to you.
Yet, I try.
Try to keep it inside.
Internal demons ripping at my flesh. Permeating my sides. Filling me with distress, yet, it's nothing compared to this feeling of desideratum.
Every time I try to not feel the way I do.
My thoughts always rush back to you.

You chose to disregard my feelings for hers?
You.
The one who opened my scars.
"The one?"
My heart continues to ache.
Waiting to break.
I can feel it. I know this torment has just begun.
Why do I allow you to hurt me?
Allow you to see parts of myself in which I've kept hidden?
Only to be throw away, good ridden
"everything will be alright."
" I love you"
Do you really?  
Your words shoot an unbearable pain.
" I love you. I love you. I love you."
Making me go insane.
My unknowing womb, eating me alive..
Why now after all this time?
My heart aches and I tremble, tears rushing down my face.
"Her feelings mean more than mine"..
But
I've never left..
I stayed by your side.

You fell in love with my confidence then you took it away.
"I"...
was the one that changed.
As if I wasn't being hurt and lied to everyday.
"I"...
was the one that changed when she would call at 4am.
Your phone.
Quickly shuffled into silence.
You made things so obvious, yet, still tried to hide it.
Silly boy, bad at keeping secrets.
Silly girl, still loved him even though she could see it.

Towards the house you can hear the yelling.
Walking in..
Why did I walk in...
Table broken.
Veins popping on a crimson face.
Suicidal tendencies.
The urge taking place.
Not feeling at home, in your own home.
Rushing upstairs you're better off alone.
Always something new, everyday.
Transcending into a distant place.
Old habits coming back.
Everything in a flash.
Acquire protection before it's too late.
Seems as though those around you control your fate..
Numb.
Always numb.
Bringing you down when you need them the most.
Perfect family?
It's all a hoax.

It's after me again I can tell you that for sure..
Don't you hear the scraping of fingernails at the door!?
It's after me again.
Are you even listening!
It wants to hurt me again.
All I wanted was a friend.
Are you even listening?
For God's sake Yuki wake up.
Don't rolls your eyes at me little lady.
You sit here for 3 weeks and call me crazy.
"Morris, Lulu is at it again."
It's after me again.
Don't touch me you aren't my friend!
"What's that you say? You just want to play?"
Ha. I won't fall for that again.
Last time we played with the blade Morris was bleeding and I haven't seen him since.
You were at the funeral smirking the whole time.
We laughed at Morris when he packed his bags.
*"Suszana, I'll be back in a few days."
Why are we even here? Morris and his constant stares.
Just leave me alone. I can hear you.
Lulu you silly kitten.
You are everywhere.
It's everywhere.
Leave me alone.
I feel like quitting.

The needles in my arm make you disappear.
The high goes down and I'm out of here.
Snow dripping in my throat.
The taste of you makes me choke.
Tabs take me on a trip far away from you.
Needles erasing my memory of everything you do.
Snow numbing the "I love you" as I bite my tongue
Maryjane wraps me in embrace
She helps me forget the way you taste.
I'm leaving this place.
I shake. I shake.
My heart just breaks.
Of all the drugs I've used
You were my biggest mistake.

I told myself that I'd be fine.
Can't believe I fell for my own lie.
For the thousandth time.
"I'm fine. I'm fine."
I tell myself the same thing.
Everything is fine.
All the time.
Every time.

Those words..
I begin to choke.
"I won't make you a promise I can't keep"
Begging, at your feet.
Please for me.
Why do you still speak to her?
Don't reply.
"She still has feelings for me.. she wants to die.."
You think she had feelings for you when she was messing with that other guy?
Choking on my words.
All I do is cry.
Why are you hurting me
Can't you see?
While trying to save her, you are killing me..
I'm broken, can't you see?
But I "understand" it's about her.. not me.

Souls.
Intertwined.
Longing.
A force keeping souls apart.
For what reason?
Bodies are separate, but souls are whole.
When the spark of the soul is ignited, you can try your hardest, but you can't fight it.
An internal spark of friction.
Always some sort of confliction.
Severe asphyxiation.
Hearts beat.
Logic depleting.
Hearts may want what they want, but souls are bound as one.
Some cases an unfortunate love.
The feeling of one.
You know that they are in love, but they can't be.
Abiding, endlessly.
Destined lovers who cannot be.
Love.
The greatest tragedy.

I tend to stay up at night with thoughts of you lingering in my head. Wishing I was dead? Wanting to be with someone else instead..
The constant fluctuation of emotions whisking away is too much to bare.
All I want is for you to be there.
Either loss of appetite or just gorging myself out of boredom.
One way or another I'm not right in the head.
Between wishing I was dead.
****** perversions thrusting around my head instead.
I lie down and wait for a reply.
The nose bleeds only started recently, but I lost track of the shaking with shortness of breath.
Hmm.. Better off dead.
Not that you would care about me feeling this way.
Telling me to leave due to a feeling you are controlling.
Leave.
You must really want me gone if you don't care enough to listen.
Maybe one day I'll stop caring and give that wish in.

I thought I would be happy but what I didn't realize.
Emotions had built up, tears rolling down my eyes.
First I thought tears of joy only to be tears of void.
The sudden displacement of emptiness in my heart.
Couldn't wait for my life to begin. Now where do I start?
Faces I'll never see again.
Different paths.
Confusion.
Confusion?
Where do I begin.
Time for graduation.

As I scroll with the intent on reading beautiful poetry. I see nothing but people arguing with one another. Why is there so much hate and negativity. Hello Poetry is supposed to be a place where people can enjoy each others work. Relate to others, yet, I see constant arguing and assault. Please take it else where. It is unsettling. It is petty.

The warmth in your kiss is lost.
I thought maybe just maybe.. I could trust you again when I allowed that kiss.
Which lead to more than I entended.
Oh God, neither of us have regret, yet, you feel guilt.
"I love you, but you deserve better."
How my heart suddenly ached as I realized the words you spoke to be true.
All this time I wanted it to be you.
Almost two years..
Heartache and tears.
The gradual loss of heat I felt in your lips didn't prepare me for this.
Each lie and I felt a breeze between exchanging tongues.
Then your cold lips.
How I tried to keep the warmth.
I reached and I reached..
By the water was too deep.
I was beginning to drown.
Even so..
I kept going until the blood in me almost stopped flowing as a friend pulled me out.
How could I ever forget your cold lips?
The lips that I miss.

Observation and silence.

Our karmic vibrance.

Deceitful alliance.

Dimmed down trying.

Blades spewing from the mouths of phony commoners.

Heedless beings.

Reaching only for ceilings.

Heedless beings

You wonder why you're bleeding.

Ignorance is bliss

Ignorance is bliss..

Resolve with fists

Loneliness with a kiss.

Observation and Silence

Slowly unwinding.

I gave myself to you.
Body and soul.
The opening of my legs
To you just a small hole.
You tainted my flesh,
Tainted my  mind.
Bound and twisted are the knots in my throat your mark left behind.
The memories of the hurt make me choke.
I wake up and can't breathe
Wishing this broken heart would just cease.
The tarnishment I carry with me at all times.
I gave myself to you
And you fed me lies.
Buried them deep within my aching thighs.
Aching for a touch that was not there.
The disloyalty I couldn't bare.
My heart doesn't beat the same because of you.
I ache all the time.
Knowing you were never mine.
I hurt,
I'm forever tainted.
With another, yet, my mind is vacant.
Overthinking
Utterly confused.
A broken soul because of you.

If only he knew how I fell in love with him.
The peering out of my darkest hole.
Loving him more than I love myself. Body and soul.
If only he knew that I want him to be the one.
How my heart beats for him.
Sometimes I want to run.
If only he knew.
The deep meaning to my "I love you"
I truly do. Not wanting anyone but you.
If only you knew..
That I put your emotions before my own.
Even if it hurts me.
It won't be shown.
Loving you more than I love myself.
I swear the love that I have for you is the only way to my own salvation.
If only he knew.
The suffocation of finding the right words to express what I feel. Unsteady and raw.. All too real.
If only he knew.
That he was the only light in my everlasting darkness.
But..
Light fades away..
And if only he knew.
I dread the thought of that day

I know you still lie to me.
Each time breaking my heart.
Maybe this whole relationship is a lie.
Has been from the start?
Lie after lie.
Each time I deny,
The fact that you know it hurts me.
You know it hurts me..
Yet, you continue to do it.
Reoccurring dreams with the gun held to my head.
I blew it.
I know you lie to me.
I lie to you too.
Every time I say yes to being happy with you.
The scar of a smile that has been etched on my face.
Void where my heart used to be.
As there is no trace.
Happiness attached to mere memories not to what is in front of me.
I know you still lie to me.
I even lie to myself.
Loving you just can't  be helped.
Not loving you is the lie I tell myself.

Thoughts linger in my mind.
The panting.
Quivering of my ***.
I'm fine.
Alone I begin to shift.
Our previous engagement.
I want it all the time.
Sweaty bodies entwined.
I love you body and soul.
Together the feeling of whole.
Lingering thoughts I lose control.
Tracing the lines on my upper thigh. The printed memories you left behind.
Hands grazing down my ***.
Heartbeat racing.
My fingers are next.
Pulling my hair back grasping for air. Yes, right there.

Crooked smiles.
Sadistic idols.
He never cries.
As suspected no emotion detected.
Ones heart is merely deflected.
Revealing there is more in the after life.
Velvet cascading down from the approaching shadow.
Hint of aromas.
Rose and sage.
Rich lavender.
A bird trapped in a cage.
Tampered wings one who never experienced flight.
Sheltered bird.
Kept in a satin cage all it's life.
Velvet transforming into fur.
Satin cage on fire.
Everything is a blur.
Reborn as a lone wolf waiting to attack.
Moonlight shining the subtle splash.
The caged bird took flight at last.

I have a bottle in my hand and my heart in the other..
Ripped out of my chest I begin to undress.
Why do I still love you?
Every lie you put me through.
I still love you.
My head is getting dizzy as the memory of you clouds me.
The way you would kiss me ever so gently.
I place the bottle on my cheek.
Laying in this tub with the water running up my thighs.
I love you and your lies.
Over a year and it's gone.
Just like this bottle.
I wanna sing you a song.
About how you hurt me and make me feel bad..
Like I'm the one lying and I'm the one that doesn't try.
You make me want to end my ******* life.

You grow inside of me.
My little seed.
I wish not to raise you in a world full of greed.
Decisions that are to be made solely left to me.
Do I uproot you or water you from within me.
Am I really ready to be your mommy?
What if you don't like me?
What if you also cry inside?
I want to be there for you.
The least I can do is try?
I'll ease your worries and stay by your side.
Your father and I are so glad
The new addition in our lives.
I want to wipe your tears so you'll know things will be okay.
Even if you still feel sad the next day.
I want to be there for you in your time of need.
To be there the way no one was for me.
I wish I could tell you that I can protect you from pain.
But the heart is something that no one can't explain.
Know I'll be there for you to ease what I can. Always a shoulder to cry on
or a helping hand.
My little seed.
I can't believe something so precious is inside of me.
I can't wait until your roots are grounded and you begin to bloom.
I can't wait until I hold you.
I love you.

You love me.
"Please"
Do you love me while I'm not the one on your mind?
Do you love me as you delete your guilty pleasures?
Do you love me when I'm empty inside because you keep breaking my heart.
To think that I loved you.
Have I not given you all my time?
I birthed your child.. the best kind of treasure.
Your stay at home wife remaining hidden from the outside world.
Too selfish to see how I am dying.
Much more than I care to admit
I'm tired of crying.
I'm TIRED OF YOU.
ALL YOUR ******* LIES!!
"Please PLEASE I'm going to try"
Multiple chances.
Chances have turned into chains.
I try to move but you keep me in place.
Please... pleeease..
Let me leave.
...
You love me..
Yet
You can't see how I'm unhappy.
I just want to be free.

I never told you that I've been in love with you this whole time.
Never told you that when I was with you I felt secure and I felt safe.
I love you in a different way.
Different from how you loved me.
I was completely aware of your feelings for me.
The ways in which you loved me I had given much thought.
But the way you loved me, I loved him.
You in love with my best friend when my feelings for you became real.
I realized those feelings weren't what they seemed at first.
Feelings are a curse.
I know you hate me now.
It was intentional.
Move on with your life..
Rid your feelings for me.
The love we have is indeed mutal.
Just not quite the same.
Hearing of your love for me would tear mine apart.
Knowing I've been hurting you because someone else has my heart in the way I have yours.
I never asked you to love me and I'm sorry you did.
I said hateful things to help you forget me.
I just hope if you ever see this you can forgive me.

You ask me what I'm doing.
I reply "nothing", as I lay ******* smoking away my pain.
He makes me feel this way.
Insecure and unsure.
Fantasizing lips among breast.
Pressure upon chests.
Drowning out the pain leaving me soaking wet.    
Distant strangers.
Fantasy of someone that's not mine.
Constant aching all the time.
No attachment just attraction.
Smoking away your name.