My heart is full of words I'll never speak.
I will carry them with me to my grave even though they're slowing killing me each day.
That what if.. that I think of everyday.
Have all of my decisions led to this or is there more for me in my journey in this never-ending life.
Was every decision I made..
The right choice?
I'm not sure anymore.
I've lost my own voice.
My life is worth living due to holding my world in my arms.
Fragile being that looks up upon me
Eventually will call me mom.
Maybe my choices were destined to led me where I stand.
What about the what if's..
Is this my final destination or is there more that has been planned?

He welcomes me with a selfish grin.
Couldn't contain the thoughts he had within.
"My Lord I've waited until this day"
I shall join you and together we can play.
I will be another tormented soul as long as you personally torment me.
Send a fire up my spine.
Waiting for the day where you said "you're mine"
Hot embrace.
Smoke trickling down my legs.
Sudden realization of a ***** dream.
Until the day I do not wake
Then we can truly be.

Unbearable heartache.
Pierced trust.
She learned to cry in silence.
No one cared to hear her speak.
Her tears flowed in silence.
Distance being not even a few feet.
Cried so much she couldn't breathe.
Yet
She didn't make a sound.
False claims sworn by those that are lovers
Those that are friends..
Claims that are broken.
Leaving her at ends.
Heart beating out of her chest.
Tears now flowing down her neck.
She learned to cry in silence.
Deep breath
Crooked smile
Turnt over as though she wasn't crying all this while.

I wake up tired going on 9hrs of sleep.
Always tired.
Nothing wrong with me.
Left my hair in the bun that I slept in.
Haven't brushed it in weeks.
I just want to sleep.
It's nice outside today, but I'd rather stay inside.
The sun hurts my eyes.
Why do I always cry?
Thoughts in my mind are always on repeat.
Please cease.
Maybe I should eat.
Nothing to make so I go back to sleep.
Why do you haunt Me?
Leave me be.
Only thing to look forward to
Poetry.
And even then..
You too will leave me.

By the time I realised I loved you the stars had already aligned and our fate was written in stone. 
By the time I realised I loved you, 
I had realised that you hated me.
I hate me..
I was scared and I felt alone.
Pushed you to the side.
For a guy that led me to my demise.
I loved the energy and the sweet embrace in which you gave. 
I wasn't ready for love.
I dug my grave. 
My life is a spiral that led me to my son.
Undying love 
Beyond the moon and the sun.
The soft touch which before I oftened miss.
Now I look back at the memories and thank you for this.
You led me to a path that gave me the world.
I just hope that the path you chose led you to yours.

I once knew someone who showed their love. Overflowing love that was too deep for me to swim in.
I did love him.
For other reasoning.
My comfort in my darkest hours, a friendly face.
The love for him was different.
Wasn't the same.
His love overcame the capacity I could hold.
I was hurt and broken.
Couldn't handle the love he was trying to give.
How could you allow someone to love you to their fullest when you can't even love yourself.
Everyday wishing you wouldn't wake so you can't see the disappointment in their face.
His love was a ocean and I couldn't manage a wave.
I was drowning, yet, he didn't notice because his love was coming in wave by wave.
I need to be able to swim in still waters before I could handle a ocean.
Never got the chance to give my explanation.

I watched myself falling in love with you.
The short distance felt like miles
A far stretch from your warm touch.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
When your voice soothed over the voices that told me harm
When I realised I could only fall asleep in your arms.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
The moment I cried in front of you for the first time
Being the first person in a while.
Tears flowing down my face
Your gentle touch wiping them away.
So why am I now watching myself fall out of love with you?
The constant reminder of hurt from my past again
The beginning of the cycle which killed me then.
Forever haunting me.
I'm watching myself fall out of love with you.
I don't know what to do.
I do love you?
Watching myself fall out of love with you.
When your kisses are a reminder of aching lies that you think you're hiding.
The child in my womb that has me crying.
Your kiss used to burn me with a burning moon.
Never too bright just enough to make me swoon.
Now your kiss is just a vacant space.
Each kiss from the lips of which lies trace upon me.
Am I really falling out of love with you?
I'm so confused.
Scared of being hurt again.
I'm having a child with you.

Maybe I'm overreacting
Maybe.. I'm just a loon.
But I hope that these feelings I have are wrong about you.
And I hope you prove them soon.