I bid you all farewell.
As I make this journey on my way to hell.
Maybe if it does exist.

I tend to stay up at night with thoughts of you lingering in my head. Wishing I was dead? Wanting to be with someone else instead..
The constant fluctuation of emotions whisking away is too much to bare.
All I want is for you to be there.
Either loss of appetite or just gorging myself out of boredom.
One way or another I'm not right in the head.
Between wishing I was dead.
****** perversions thrusting around my head instead.
I lie down and wait for a reply.
The nose bleeds only started recently, but I lost track of the shaking with shortness of breath.
Hmm.. Better off dead.
Not that you would care about me feeling this way.
Telling me to leave due to a feeling you are controlling.
Leave.
You must really want me gone if you don't care enough to listen.
Maybe one day I'll stop caring and give that wish in.

I wish I could rip out my insides.
Rip out my beating heart so he could feel the pain that I feel every time it beats. Or every time it skips when I hear his name and just how I get lost in his presence.
I wish I could tear myself apart only to provide him with more knowledge. To have him understand what I can't even understand myself. I wish I could break my ribbed barrier and give him my life link as a promise of eternal love.
Our blood could intertwine and maybe for once we could be a whole. My last dying breath in a kiss I would give him my soul.
I would tear myself apart just to feel closer to him. I want to give him my undying trust.. But how can I do that when he is the one bruising my beating heart. The one causing my fractures and he ripped the trust out of my throat. And my God it was such a beautiful thing as I was choking.. Just hoping he would understand.
Countless times I would endure the same wounds just so he could learn from them.
That's when I realized I was willing to give my all to someone who would half heartily take me in. When They told me love hurts I was prepared to face the end of the universe to be with him. What I didn't know is that his true feelings were hidden. I was diminishing while he didn't even care to notice. Didn't care to take me in.
When I said I would tear myself apart for you I thought you would've been there to catch every piece.
Instead the pieces would fall into your hands and with lose griping you would just release them.
All I could do was not regret wanting you to keep them.

Sick of this pain that I get in my chest.
Not because there's anything wrong with me, but there's something wrong with you.
I'm sick of feeling worthless due to your inability to see my worth.
Sick of being sick from the tears you cause.
The curdling in my stomach every time we argue.
Should love feel like this?
Consistent sickness??
Mistakes I didn't make, yet, I feel at fault.
I ******* love you.
I truly do, but this pain is unbearable.
A mixture of emptiness and sickness.
Acid ripping me apart..
I'm not even me anymore.
Holding on this false smile for my dear life.
Just to make you happy.
But..
Should love feel like this?
It just doesn't feel right.

I have a bottle in my hand and my heart in the other..
Ripped out of my chest I begin to undress.
Why do I still love you?
Every lie you put me through.
I still love you.
My head is getting dizzy as the memory of you clouds me.
The way you would kiss me ever so gently.
I place the bottle on my cheek.
Laying in this tub with the water running up my thighs.
I love you and your lies.
Over a year and it's gone.
Just like this bottle.
I wanna sing you a song.
About how you hurt me and make me feel bad..
Like I'm the one lying and I'm the one that doesn't try.
You make me want to end my ******* life.

I ran out of trust.
Each lie you would tell building up..
The bleeding from my heart causes my ribs to rust.
Beginning to crack.
At every lie..
Three words I would take back.
But, I can't.
I love you.
"I love you too"
Wondering if it's just another lie.
Manage to flip it around on me.
"Investigating.. Monitoring me"
If I'm such a bother just let me ******* be.
Why are you with me?
My anxiety is killing me.
You say you feel forced.
My heart scorched.
One word and the triggered was pulled.
Forced.
The worst.
Swearing you love me, yet, you feel forced to talk to me.
Let me be.
You love me...
You love me..
Let it be.
I ran out of trust..
But, I must keep trying..
I must.

If only he knew how I fell in love with him.
The peering out of my darkest hole.
Loving him more than I love myself. Body and soul.
If only he knew that I want him to be the one.
How my heart beats for him.
Sometimes I want to run.
If only he knew.
The deep meaning to my "I love you"
I truly do. Not wanting anyone but you.
If only you knew..
That I put your emotions before my own.
Even if it hurts me.
It won't be shown.
Loving you more than I love myself.
I swear the love that I have for you is the only way to my own salvation.
If only he knew.
The suffocation of finding the right words to express what I feel. Unsteady and raw.. All too real.
If only he knew.
That he was the only light in my everlasting darkness.
But..
Light fades away..
And if only he knew.
I dread the thought of that day